How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

[NancyDrawed]

I have been out of the workforce for a very long time but finally have an in-person interview later this week.

The confirmation email is signed by a name followed by (he/him/his). I need to get a job. But I am trying to get my head around what I would say if I was directly asked what my preferred pronouns are.

On principle I would like to say 'I'm not a follower of that ideology so use whichever you see fit' or something along those lines, but is that likely to mean I have no chance of getting the job?

I am clearly female, so a small part of me would want to say he/him/his just to see the reaction!

It might not even come up at all, but I'd like to be prepared.

Yes female pronouns could do it

But it's all a dance at this point.They believe in gender ideology and are looking to find people who subscribe to it

Will they discriminate against anyone who does not buy into gender ideology?

I think I'd be either turning down the job when offered, or rejoicing that I'd dodged a bullet if I didn't get an offer.

The power imbalance and excluding people who do not subscribe to a harmful ideology is problematic

It shouldn't be a question

This has been discussed at length.

Stop dismissing women's carefully considered and expressed concerns as 'bizarre'.

The only bizarre thing is your refusal to listen to the women on this thread. Or maybe you have an issue with reading comprehension or maybe short term memory, in which case perhaps re read the thread?

Honestly, once you've got to female pronouns, what's holding you back from just saying she and her?

If I was asking people what their pronouns were, and someone said "female pronouns," I'd say "So, she and her?" because "female pronouns" is what they are, grammatically.

https://www.scottishtrans.org/trans-equality/use-of-pronouns/

If someone asked you if you were an man or a woman, how would you answer, knowing that some people use man and woman differently to you? Would you refuse to answer on the grounds that the answer was sex based?

Great question! I feel like we are getting somewhere now.

I'd ask them what they mean by "man" and "woman", and answer appropriately based on that. That appropriate answer could be "neither" if the questioner's definition of "man" and "woman" both exclude me.

Which is exactly my point about "What are your pronouns?" - there is no valid answer I can give to a person who asks that question because the question itself delegitimises the language I need to use.

Sure, in this theoretical interview I can add the qualifier "sex-based" - and I hope you are in the interests of fairness also advocating that those who use the contented feeling-based meaning also qualify their use? - but that's not really a solution because that meaning doesn't travel with the word. I will be known as "she", and I will therefore be lumped into the same group as people who identify with the to me extremely offensive concept of "feeling like a woman".

Honest Dad, I get you struggle with this but really it's not rocket science! Genderism may have created a new and different concept of Woman-as-gender-identity but it's not like the old group of people-with-female-bodies stopped existing. Woman-as-a-gender and woman-as-a-sex are clearly two separate things and as such they need separate language, not a double-meaning language and a bunch of clumsy and divisive qualifiers.

People refer to you in the third person with pronouns...other people want to be referred to differently has not impact on you.

Absolutely yes, people who want to be referred to differently than with sex-based pronouns has no impact on me, and good luck to them.

My issue is that some people want to be referred to the same way as me, with the same sex-based pronouns "she" and "her", but mean something different by it.

That's the problem.

Not that gender-feeling people want others to use language that reflects that but that they want repurpose sex-based language to do so and therefore leave others who do not feel gender no language that unequivocally describes who we are.

So what is the pronoun set that I could give in answer to the question "What are your pronouns?" to signify I am a natal female who wishes to be respected and understood as a biological female but without the assumption of any mental gender identity?

Stop dismissing women's carefully considered and expressed concerns as 'bizarre'.

Thanks for this

@FlirtsWithRhinos you would honestly ask someone who asked you whether you are a man or a woman, what definition of woman they are using? I mean, how do you even function?

I'd just say "would you describe yourself as a woman?" if someone said that to me in response.

I'm not struggling with understanding your point, I just think it's a ridiculously convulted way of making your life difficult, like am over-blown religious ritual.

You can't control what goes on in people's heads! Your utterances are independent of that. If they are referring to you as a woman, or by she/her pronouns, then that's fine, surely?

I am pretty sure by your answers, everyone will clock you as OFAB, and understand that you don't believe you have a gender identity.

Anyway, it's been a helpful discussion, for me, at least.

Refusing, I understand. Asking them to guess has not been addressed, unless I've missed it.

Honestly, once you've got to female pronouns, what's holding you back from just saying she and her?

Because I don't want to, because "my pronouns are she/her" is genderist nonsense. I know they will likely assume she/her because they are female pronouns. That's entirely my point. And if they want to clarify, I'd get them to explain why my answer wasn't enough, which would be entertaining.

Why are you so keen for me to say "she/her"? Odd.

Refusing, I understand. Asking them to guess has not been addressed, unless I've missed it.

Did you miss the poster's clear sarcasm?

“perform the pronoun game.”

Because it's the answer to the question the employer asked.

Because "female pronouns" are literally "she/her," so why not just say that?

You can't even answer "Are you a woman?" without asking the person asking they define it. That must be hard work.

How would you answer these?

"When people refer to you in the third person, which pronouns do they typically use?"

"Would you describe yourself as a man or a woman?"

Because it's the answer to the question the employer asked.

I don't play that game. I'm female. I use female pronouns, I don't call them "she/her" pronouns.

..

You can't even answer "Are you a woman?" without asking the person asking they define it. That must be hard work.

Have you got me confused with other posters? I fully know what a woman is, I fully know other people have an incoherent belief about gendered souls based on sex stereotypes.

So, I have, I apologise.

When an employers asks you if you are a woman or a man, and you know they "believe in gender ideology" do you answer, even knowing that their definition of woman is different? Or is is just pronouns?

add ‘cis’ to that list, please.

What are the female pronouns?

You and I both know what they are. They apply to me, as a woman. They do not apply to you, because you are male. They do not apply to "trans women" because they are male. But people have all sorts of beliefs and practices. I can't do anything about them wrongly using these parts of English grammar, anymore than I can stop them using greengrocers' apostrophes.

"When people refer to you in the third person, which pronouns do they typically use?" is a ridiculous question. People referring to me in the third person are generally doing so in my absence so how would I know? If they follow the normal rules of English grammar, they are probably using she/her but they could equally be referring to me as that gobshite. I have no way of knowing.

If you are asking me whether I would describe myself as a man or woman you are presumably an advocate of gender ideology so I am neither a man nor a woman by according to your belief system. The most appropriate answer in that case would be "I am female" or "I am a biological woman" in order to make it clear that I am using the traditional definition which is based on sex.

When an employers asks you if you are a woman or a man, and you know they "believe in gender ideology" do you answer, even knowing that their definition of woman is different?

Yes. A woman is an adult human female. Paris is the capital of France. Some people may get this wrong. They may think it's actually in Spain. But if someone asked me whether I'd been to Paris, I would obviously answer.

That’s great you got it 👍
and am pleased it wasn’t asked, I would think that a bit weird and I’d probably just look confused and say ‘“sorry?” Or “what do you mean?”

Could you explain what it means to be non-binary scientifically and without being sexist please?

You would honestly ask someone who asked you whether you are a man or a woman, what definition of woman they are using? I mean, how do you even function?

Pretty rude!

I function just fine thank you. But in the bizarre scenario you posited where someone felt it appropriate to ask if I were a man or a woman (and I'd love to know more about what situation that would be, not least because in real, non-bizarro world I think the purpose of the question and therefore meaning of the language would be clear because of the context) I would absolutely ask them to qualify the question because out of respect for genderism I would never assume any formerly sex-based language to still be sex based. After all, I already know what I think - effective communication is about understanding what the other person thinks and speaking their language. Not, as you seem to think, about getting one over on the other person by using twisty language.

So speaking of "how do you function", are you honestly saying that you think a reasonable reply to the question "That's a really interesting question and one I have been thinking about a lot. It's actually quite hard for me to answer, so before I go into it, what do you mean by "woman"?" is "Would you describe yourself as a woman?".

I mean, that there is pretty rude - you would completely ignore my response and press on despite it being clear I need help with the terminology! If that is an example of how you approach dialogue, how do you function? It's the ideological equivalent of dealing with a foreign person by speaking English slower and louder.

(Incidentally, the answer to "Would you describe yourself as a woman?" is "Not usually, no, because although I am obviously female and have no issues with that, I don't feel the strong sense of identifying mentally as a woman that trans and cis women describe, so out of respect for them I try to avoid that word. However I appreciate that since female-only support is usually described as "women's rights" or "women's issues" I do sometimes have to fit into that label, at least until we have a more trans friendly way to specify sex rather than gender.")

I'm glad you found the discussion helpful but sadly from your answers I don't think you have understood it at all. Still, I have no doubt it has been valuable for others.

It’s happened to me before. You’re supposed to think about what questions an interviewer might ask prior to an interview so you’re not caught unawares.