How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

[NancyDrawed]

I have been out of the workforce for a very long time but finally have an in-person interview later this week.

The confirmation email is signed by a name followed by (he/him/his). I need to get a job. But I am trying to get my head around what I would say if I was directly asked what my preferred pronouns are.

On principle I would like to say 'I'm not a follower of that ideology so use whichever you see fit' or something along those lines, but is that likely to mean I have no chance of getting the job?

I am clearly female, so a small part of me would want to say he/him/his just to see the reaction!

It might not even come up at all, but I'd like to be prepared.

You either ask everyone or you guess everyone. You are likely to get false negatives and false positives. It’s like guessing someone’s ethnicity - you will get it right most of the time, but when you get it wrong, it’s bad.

In the extremely rare situation where you can't identify the person's sex and have no way of clarifying it, then you can use their name or the third-person pronouns for people whose sex you don't know, they/them. Again, this is basic grammar, which I'm sure you do actually understand, DadJoke.

You don't need to guess someone's ethnicity for any genuine purpose, and definitely not for the purposes of grammar!

Guess? Hahaha! Is that what you did all your life up until the past few years when this was invented? Hazard a wild guess and hope for the best? How stressful it must’ve been for you!

😁😁

still it’s always god we can rely on DJ to keep us amused

People are welcome to "guess" what pronouns they use for me 😄

In the highly unlikely event of them getting it wrong, I will advise as such and we will all have a good laugh.

What a bizarre comment! I have no idea what "my" pronouns are. I don't even know where to start working it out.

I know what sex-based pronouns woukd apply to me, obviously, because I know what physical sex I am. But clearly that's not what you mean by "your pronouns" since that explicitly excludes the cross-sex or non-sex-based pronouns used by trans people, and knowing how much importance you ascribe to trans identities I'm sure you wouldn't be meaning anything like that!

So no, I, and many other people, have no idea what "my" pronouns would be under this belief system. I suspect almost everyone you assume to be "cis" would come to the same conclusion if they really thought about what statement "their" pronouns was making about them.

I, obviously, have thought about it a lot.

I don't feel the strong identification with the word "woman" as a non-physical identity that the people who say they identify as women (trans or cis) do, so the genderist version of "she" is out.

However, I also don't feel any strong identification with men so "he" is out.

Given the above you might assume non-binary or agender, but I have a female body and I feel no denial or conflict about that beyond the frustration of the lower empowerment that comes from patriarchy. I understand how my physical sex has shaped my lived experience for good and bad in ways that the opposite sex do not face and consider it important to resist the cultural erasure of female presence and achievements. So "they" is also out.

So can you see why, given all this, which is certainly not unique to me, I find it bizarre that you would assume many people would know what "their pronouns" are.

As an expert perhaps you can help. What is the pronoun set for "I'm a natal female who wishes to be respected amd understood as a biological female without the assumption of any mental gender identity"?

You believe in gender ideology right?

If you met me and referred to me as "she" it's a term that's a hell of a lot more loaded than when I use the word "she".

When I say "she" I mean "female sex". No more and no less. It is neither compliment nor insult. But you mean "female gender id" which I not only don't possess, I also find deeply offensive in a way that touches quite serious issues that I don't wish to speak about with you.

Now I'm not for controlling other people's speech, so I'd let you call me "she" of course. But if you specifically asked me what pronouns I'd like you to use about me I'd have to say "any". To say anything else would be untrue and I don't like being coerced into lying.

No need to guess. They are sex based and on one has got it wrong

I'm happy with that

@FlirtsWithRhinos Yes, we know that your pronouns are sex-based. That's fine! And you absolutely, 100% know what your pronouns are - it's ridiculous to pretend you don't.

@OuterSpaceCadet when some asks you what your pronouns are, they are asking you how you would like to be referred to in the third person. You aren't "controlling their speech" by telling them. If they want to be a dick, they can misgender you even with that knowledge.

"Any" is really not helpful. There was one guy who said this to me outside of a work context, so I used "she" until he said, please use he and him. It turned out he didn't actually mean "any."

@EasternStandard of course you are happy for people to guess. You are probably gender conforming. Plenty of people (more non-trans people than trans people) are not, in particular gay women. But that's why employers ask rather than guess.

I can't believe the lengths you'll go to to avoid a simple question to which you know the answer. Say "she/her and they are sex based" if you want to put your gender critical stamp on it!

Well I find gender ideology damaging, offensive and harmful to not only women but girls and children generally

Plus it's not plain English which makes it inaccessible. Being inaccessible in an interview is an issue.

There's no reason the male sex class can't accommodate gender non conforming men. Why wouldn't you do that?

Third-person pronouns are not "inaccessible." I agree that being inaccessible at an interview is an issue - if someone asks you a straightforward question - answer it, or accept you aren't getting the job. But I have never heard of an interview where someone asks for pronouns.

Men in general do accommodate gender non-conforming men. What does that have to do with the price of onions?

It's not accessible. The language of gender ideology isn't as a whole and the pronouns question fits into that. It is not plain English to talk about 'preferred pronouns'.

Maybe that's why no one does it in interviews.

Men in general do accommodate gender non-conforming men

I mean men presenting as women, why can't you include all men in your sex class. By men I mean biologically determined as male.

"My pronouns are She/her" is a genderist catechism, as is having "your" pronouns. They are simply the pronouns used to denote a female noun. I would never use the phrase "my pronouns".

The idea that the women posting here are most likely "gender conforming" is hilarious. I've been non-conforming to the stupidity of gender since I was old enough as a child to understand that it's used to hold women back.

@DadJoke

Yes, we know that your pronouns are sex-based. That's fine! And you absolutely, 100% know what your pronouns are - it's ridiculous to pretend you don't.

No, you have entirely missed the point. I understand why, because you are so steeped in a rigid concept of gender you can't see anothers perspective.

But I have very clearly explained why I do not know what "my pronouns" are in any context where the question makes sense. By definition, if the question can be asked, "she" is not understood to be an exclusively sex-based word, and therefore in that context, the context in which I am being asked, "she", which formerly was a sex-based pronoun, does not mean what I know myself be and therefore is not "my pronoun".

I get that you want to suggest that "sex-based" use of pronouns is simply one valid possibility of many under the wider, glorious, more inclusive world of pronoun basis. And you would even be entirely right if the gender-identifiers had chosen new words for their feelings of identity instead of appropriating and redefining the existing sex-based words.

But they did not, so here we are.

I cannot in good faith answer the question "What are your pronouns?" because in any world where language works in such a way that is a valid question, there is no valid answer that I can give, because the meanings of the words I need no longer exist.

So I ask you again, what is the pronoun set that I could give in answer to the question "What are your pronouns?" to signify I am a natal female who wishes to be respected and understood as a biological female but without the assumption of any mental gender identity?

Yes, up until a few years ago nobody owned any units of grammar. And how have speakers of the many languages that don't have sex-based pronouns managed all this time?

I have mentioned several times up thread that my ds attended an interview where the first question he was asked was "Would you like to share your preferred pronouns?". He was prepared for the question as when he showed me the email inviting him to interview and checking profiles, I warned him it was likely to be a question at the interview. Interestingly, he and an Asian woman were the only non-pronouny people hired for the roles.

You also keep referring to "your pronouns". I don't have pronouns. I use pronouns in my speech. Other people use pronouns to refer to me in speech. However, they are not "my pronouns" any more than the adjectives they use to refer to me are "my adjectives"

"Would you like to share your preferred pronouns?"

Would the answer no I'm fine thanks have been ok for them do you know?

To add that's a really poor question from a plain English perspective. Why on earth has gender ideology overridden that campaign anyway, so bad

@FlirtsWithRhinos it makes absolutely no difference to the answer to the question you would give if you think pronouns are sex-based are not. People refer to you in the third person with pronouns. Those utterances happen, you know that, and you know what they should be. Tying yourself in knots and being deliberately obtuse because other people want to be referred to differently has not impact on you.

You can easily say "my pronouns are she/her, and they are sex based," if you want to first, let them know your answer, and second, be sure that your gender critical beliefs are known.

I'l ask another question.

If someone asked you if you were an man or a woman, how would you answer, knowing that some people use man and woman differently to you? Would you refuse to answer on the grounds that the answer was sex based for you, and gender identity based for other employees? Or are nouns excluded?

My adjectives, incidentally, are "highest paid", "professional" and "valuable".

Given that everybody else, bar the Indian woman, who got the job was very pronouny, I doubt it. He said "He/they for inclusivity". The Indian woman would have ticked the race diversity box and, as they have a lot of Indian students, would have been a sensible person to recruit.

You can easily say "my pronouns are she/her"

No thanks. This is genderist jargon. No one calls them "she/her pronouns" other than people who subscribe to gender identity ideology. I do not subscribe to it.

Why is it necessary to say both "she" and "her" anyway? They go together.

Same. It's akin to asking a question aligned to a religious belief that I do not hold

Plus it's an ideology I find harmful to women and girls

It's gender based jargon

I'm happy to say "female pronouns" and see if they choose to take it further. If they did it would no doubt be enlightening to some people why she/her pronoun people can be anything other than female. And amusing to see the pronoun asker squirm.