An entertaining evening

[VimesandhisCardboardBoots]

I went to watch a band last night at a local bar with DP.

It's always been a fairly "inclusive" place, a few pride flags, a couple of trans rights are human rights stickers around the place etc. But last night I found a new development, gender neutral toilets.

It's always been a central set of sinks, handryers etc, with mens and women's leading off. Now there's a big sign saying gender neutral and the pesky pronouns have been removed and replaced with "Cubicles and Urinals", and just "Cubicles"

I walk into the "Not the mens, honest guvnor!" , because I'm a male and a creature of habit. Annoyingly, the single cubicle is out of order, and I'm not fan of urinals (I have the shyest bladder in the world) so I shrug, decide to take advantage to this new gender neutral world and head over to the "Not the ladies".

As I exit my cubicle, I give a pair of women a bit of a fright. I see them looking back at the sign doing the confused "Am I in the wrong place" thing, so I say "Sorry, it's gender neutral now", to which one of the women mutters something like "You really should use the mens". I shrug and head back downstairs.

A little later I need the loo again, I head back the working cubicles. Turns out me and the mutterer have our bladders synced as as I exit she turns up again. I get a death glare as I walk past.

Woman returns and goes to the bar, I do too shortly after, and next thing I know she's pointing at me and telling the bar man "It was this man". I give a questioning look and the barman says "Sir would you mind using the mens?"

I ask where the men's are, and he clarifies "the side with the urinals". I reply that I didn't need a urinal, I needed a cubicle and that the only ones that worked weren't near the urinals. To which he replies "That side isn't really meant for .... you"

At this point the woman realises I'm not the problem, this policy is and starts on the barman. "Would it be for him if he shaved his beard, wore a skirt? Because I wouldn't be comfortable then either!". I wander off with my beer, leaving them to it.

I don't really know the point of the thread, it just amused me and I thought it might amuse others too.

I feel sorry for the women who felt uncomfortable but I think it needs this to happen more before the pendulum swings back.

There are an awful lot of women who don't care about gender woo because it has never affected them. Once it does affect them and they cop on and start complaining to venues, maybe things will change. Maybe.

It will only change if they stop going to the venues and tell them why.

The only thing that businesses care about is money. When they realise women are not giving them money anymore and why, they'll get rid of the mixed sex loos.

"That side isn't really meant for .... you"

Yeah, that's somewhat amusing in a rather grim way. Though less amusing for the woman than for you, I suspect.

Obviously, apart from them needing to fix the 'cubicle near the urinals', they should label the loos correctly:

Gender neutral (male) and Gender neutral (female).

(I should probably ask you if you've got the odd lump of coal about your person)

So they have 'male gender neutral' and 'female gender neutral' toilets?

Send in a complaint too please, the more people vocalise that this isn’t cool the better

Women will just stop going to these places and it will become all about men like the old working men's clubs!

Why don't you believe him? You're normally not bothered about men making women uncomfortable in toilets.

My DH hates gender neutral toilets. Feels that irrespective of the sign allowing him access, he shouldn't be sharing the space with women.

I fear they meant to have mixed sex 'masculine' and mixed sex 'feminine'.

I think what they've got is "Look what good people we are, didn't we do a good thing by putting in the minimum possible effort" toilets.

It's a weird place, it's a mix of students and 40s - 60s rocky live music fans. I don't think the latter group are going to love this development particularly.

Yeah, I feel sorry for the women too. I reckon the toilet in the "mens" would likely have been fixed by the time I got there if it was still the mens, but because they know there's other options they haven't gotten round to it.

Didn't take long for the "Nothing ever happens" brigade to arrive.

I had the same feeling, although admittedly not strongly enough to make me leave the building to find somewhere else to pee though.

Probably,I would have.

I reckon the toilet in the "mens" would likely have been fixed by the time I got there if it was still the mens, but because they know there's other options they haven't gotten round to it.

Seems likely.

I’m quietly appreciative of you not just deciding to use the disabled loo 🤷‍♀️

"'Cos everybody hates a tourist,
Especially one who thinks it's all such a laugh."

I think they call it sex class tourism?

I came face to face with a man in a gender neutral toilet at soft play recently. Overwhelmingly dominated by women and he was very clearly uncomfortable.

You should give this feedback to the venue. The more people who speak up they these places may start to listen. Women alone speaking up so far has been ignored it might help if men could speak up too

It amused you that you made a woman upset?

I think what amused him was the fact that the pub hadn't thought through properly where going "woke" would end up.

ie gender neutral toilets but not really gender neutral toilets

What would you have done if the loos were labelled 'Men' and 'Women' and the cubicle in the 'Men's wasn't working? Use a urinal, use the 'Women's or piss yourself?

DH tells me that the cubicle in the Men's is non-functional most of the time in our local.

No, the pub's inability to think their own policy through amused me. The woman being upset was caused by the pub, not me.

All I did is use a bathroom that was signposted for my use.

I've encountered this situation a lot over the years. Generally I leave. Unfortunately that's the level of stage fright I get. It's spoiled a fair few evenings out over the years.