Why are some men such dicks?

[Swamphag]

Not really sure this is the best place for this as it's not actually about gender but a few things over last week have had me wondering what the fuck is wrong with men. Apologies if it's long, I just feel like I need to get it out.

Last night I went to a talk on witch-hunts (like the actual hunting of witches in the 1600s not modern day persecution of those who hold views that others don't like) It was really interesting and at the end there was the obligatory any questions section. A bloke raised his hand and said "We often think of women has being tried for witchcraft but you mentioned men [in passing, factually there were some men accused but the numbers pale in comparison with the number of women accused]. How many men were executed?" Fuck's sake can we not even have being hanged for witchcraft without some twat piping up with "What about the men?!?"

Earlier in the week I got a Facebook message from a long forgotten ex. We dated in my early twenties when I was mentally quite fragile. I fell pregnant and due to circumstances had a termination. At the time I felt quite pressurised to do it but was fine and the right decision to make. We split not much long after. It took me quite a long time after things ended to realise how damaging the relationship had been. And that the guy who was "always up for a laugh" actually just enjoyed humiliating me in public. Anyway I healed and am now married, have a lush family, decent job and my life is really good. Turns out the ex's partner has just had a baby (5 weeks ago) He sent a picture of himself and the baby as a way of checking that it was actually me he was messaging (my social media is very private, don't have my picture on profile etc, so it was kind of an "Is it you? This is a picture of me" situation) Without any fucking thought for my feelings. He felt it was ok to just barge into my life after nearly 30 years and go "look at me, look at my life, look at my baby". He had no way of knowing what my life was like. No thought that I might not have been able to have kids or that I might've spent 30 years regretting the termination. No consideration for the way he treated me or thought that actually, I might not want to hear from him. Why on earth didn't he give a second of thought to the fact that he treated me like absolute shit? Nope, he just though "Oh, there's Swaphag on Facebook I'll drop her a message. She'll be thrilled to hear from me"

Also this week, a colleague told me that she'd been at a work thing with her male manager and they'd been doing a "fun" type activity. During the activity he started trying to put her off by saying things like "Ooh, I can see your knickers" "Ooh, I've just accidentally touched your boob" "Ooh, everyone can see down your top" Just basically belittling her in front of potential clients (mostly male) who - from what I can gather - just guffawed along with the tedious bore.

What the fuck is wrong with men that they appear incapable of considering women and their feelings? They really just don't give a fuck about us as humans do they? I've found myself really upset by these things and the fact that every single fucking day they evidence their contempt for us.

I'm sorry, are you saying that women never give their partners unwanted advice?

That's an odd one, because it's something men complain about as being a woman thing pretty regularly.

I don't think either characterization is particularly true, it's a people thing.

No. I’m saying they I don’t give him unwanted advice.

@AstonUniversityScrapedMyCorpus you are a genius! Please have this in your arsenal ladies!

"Shame Shit Man Three wasn’t told everyone can see his bald patch"

💪

The first example about witchcraft - I don't see that as men being dicks at all. I myself am quite interested to hear if any men were believed to be witches (or a male equivalent). That's just having a curious mind.
The ex with a baby? Maybe slightly thoughtless but maybe he was genuinely trying to be friendly. If you had a female friend who knew about your termination and they sent you a photo of their baby many years later, would you be so upset? Because my friend had a termination and a decade later she's seen pictures of my children.
The last example - yes he's a complete dick.

Exactly.

Yes, some men were considered witches. But systematic persecution of women was what constituted the vast majority of witch trials and executions.

https://witches.hca.ed.ac.uk/

'84% were women and 15% men. The sex is not known for 1% of those accused.'

The first example about witchcraft - I don't see that as men being dicks at all. I myself am quite interested to hear if any men were believed to be witches (or a male equivalent). That's just having a curious mind.

I'm inclined to agree, although I can't speak to his motives, I know what mine would be and I'm female. Being left handed, owning a black cat (?) or having a birthmark were all some signs of witchcraft/the devil. It would start my mind wandering about the proportion of left handed men that were executed vs left handed women for example, although in reality it's something that you'd never truly know because people would try and hide it/become ambidextrous. My own grandmother was forced to write right handed and I'm only mid 30s (both of us lefties, along with my mother!).

It's one of those questions I would probably ask and no one would eye roll, but because a man asked about it about men, you can't help but read into it.

Thank you, that's interesting.

Wanker Ex- "slightly thoughtless"? Yes, that's kind of my point. He had no fucking idea how I would react to him getting in touch. We have no mutual friends so he knew literally nothing about my life but thought it was appropriate to just jump right in and shove his new born baby in my face during my morning commute. Weird that he didn't bother "genuinely trying to be friendly" at any point in the last almost 30 years.

The guy just being curious about how many men were tried for witchcraft? Yeah he wanted to know. Not enough that he'd ever bothered to trouble Google with it though. It's the just the same mentality as when yet another fucking woman dies at the hands of a man, up pops some helpful soul to point out that "men also suffer domestic violence you know". Make no mistakes if men were dying at a rate of two a week at the hands of women, something would be done about it.

At least nobody has tried to defend the behaviour of Tedious Bore because his actions are overt rather than just thoughtless men being men and not giving two fucks how their actions are perceived.

At least we've got an answer to the initial question "Why are some men dickheads?" It's because there are always people willing to handwave away their actions and behaviours. This isn't intended to come across as me having a go at the quoted poster, I'm just trying to make a point. I'm sick of the drip drip drip.

He won't ever do this in front of me because he knows I'd happily hang his bollocks on my office wall like a hunting trophy.

So he is fully aware of what is appropriate or not and is deliberately pushing boundaries with your colleague.

I'd report him on her behalf, definitely!

😂😂😂

I agree OP.

Recently, my local police force wrote a post, on Facebook, highlighting violence against women and girls. The replies to this post were full of comments about how it happens to men too. It is so depressing.

Not strictly relevant, but DP always hands me those kinds of tubes to open, because he knows I find it SO DAMN SATISFYING. Ditto sweetener tubs/coffee jars/anything with a stabby lid I can stab stab stab.

It can be really unsettling to get a random contact from a long gone ex when you didn't part in the best of circumstances.

Sorry you had to deal with that it sounds awful.

I can't believe the posters saying he was just trying to be friendly 🙄exactly the same justification for thoughtless trampling of women's boundaries as blokes wolf whistling etc.

Miserable women can't just accept some friendly contact 🙄

This is why those men do it, they are encouraged and enabled by society to put their own wants above whatever a woman might want, and we're conditioned to be nice about the unwanted contact (which is why OP felt she had to respond despite not wanting to).

Whatever someone's reasons for contacting you out of the blue, you don't have to respond. But as women were conditioned to be nice/ kind/ polite not to think 'hang on, is this what I actually want?