Non binary changing rooms???

[Gcn]

Name changed as outing. Yesterday a member of staff told me that "they" are unhappy using either the male or female changing rooms in work, because as non binary they don't feel safe in either. They've been using the (ladies) loo to get changed in but aren't happy and think we should provide non binary changing rooms.

I think that's madness. So they aren't happy getting changed with just men or just women, but would be happy to share a changing room with both???

Work is all about the kindness, and supporting staff - so I've been told by manager to find a solution.. Great

What would you do?

I'd hand them their P45 for being a PITA.

Change the male ones to non-binary. See what happens then.

The whole concept of being ‘safe’ in this situation is ridiculous, I mean what do they actually think is going to happen, in work?

Since when has work been all about kindness? What absolute shit. What are you supposed to do - magic a third space for narcissists with your special wand?

I would go above your manager for advice about this.

Depends whether they are male or female. Non-binary doesn't exist.

⭐️ This!

Sounds like a good plan :)

I’d ask what they feared in a room full of women. While doing my best to look concerned and definitely not letting my eyebrows rise.

Public sector - so no firing for being an arse.

Public sector - so changing changing rooms not in my power

Think having a discussion about what makes them feel unsafe might be the way to go

Good idea.

Sending you some solidarity vibes, OP, to help you cope with the stupidity, which I’m sure enhances your working day 🙄

Yep, what’s their sex? I’d say changing rooms are defined by biological sex not gender.

You could explain that the changing rooms are segregated by sex, not gender though if it's public sector they're probably not

Have spoke with my manager - pointed out that our changing rooms are based on sex not gender. Like I said - public sector so all about the feels.

And what did your manager say? Did you point out that there are 200+ genders and you can't make changing rooms for all of them?!

Manager said we need to be considerate of persons feelings. Not sure how we do that. It's total madness

I would delegate this upwards to your manager if they’re so worried about the person’s feelings

Ah, so basically pat them but don't do anything? 'sorry if you feel' type thing?

Or offer to change the men's to 'all gender' by means of a laminated sign on the door?

I'm very gender critical and completely get this. They absolutely shouldn't be in the female changing rooms if male and I understand they wouldn't feel comfortable in the male changing rooms if they present as female. Isn't this what we want? Third spaces so we can reclaim single sex spaces. I would make this work.

I’d say that you also need to be considerate to the 99.9% of other staff too.

Yes to having a conversation about it.

What I think it will be - though this person won't be able to say it out loud because of the cognitive dissonance - is that they know intellectually they would be unsafe in the male area because they have a female body and their internal sense of nonbinary gender doesn't change that. However they feel their mental wellbeing is threatened any time they go into the women's area because that feels like they are admitting that they are really a woman so it's a threat to their (house of cards) stability.

How about signs on both doors saying "all genders welcome (male bodies only please)" on the mens and "all genders welcome (female bodies only please)" on the women's. Then it's clear they aren't claiming womangender when they go through the door.

Chuck this up to your manager. If they’re so worried about feelings they can find solutions.

I'd put good money on a bet about whose feelings they are happy to upset, though!

Worrying that it sounds like the public sector is employing child labour... sometimes you just want to tell people to grow the fuck up, don't you.

Sorry, not helpful...

Is there space and budget for adding a properly designed (self contained cubicle) any-sex/gender changing room? (Not 'non binary' ...obviously the existing ones already allow any gender with the appropriate sex)

If there's no space or budget then you're being asked the impossible

Is it a man or a woman?

If it’s a woman, I’d genuinely want to know why she didn’t feel safe in female changing rooms at work. What is going on to threaten that? Are there males using them?

If it’s a man, I’d say FOTTFSOF “that’s interesting, let me look into it” and put it at number eleventy million of my to do list.

And if it’s a woman who just feels threatened for genderwang reasons, I’d follow the same path as if it’s a man.