Pissed off that i forgot about Ask for Angela

[JenniferBooth]

Was in Greggs today having a coffee and it was packed. A bloke came and asked to sit at the same table and i said yes ok. as there was no where else to sit. then he started with I like big women. And asked if he could get to know me a bit better. Repeated twice more that he liked bigger women.
Me. No Im married, but then he persisted with how i have the perfect figure (i dont) i told him again that i was married and said there are plenty of dating sites. I then got up to leave and he asked for a contact number and asked to meet up. I had to say NO again. I dumped my coffee and left. Just feel shit and disgusted. Bad enough being harassed but to be fetishized as well....

It wasnt until later at home that i remembered about Ask For Angela so i could have gone up to the staff and said that. Just feel a bit crap. I was trying to be firm but polite. Cos what crossed my mind was what happened in London a few weeks ago. Just having a moan here really.

PLEASE NO DIET ADVICE Im already tackling it which is why i was only having a black coffee, I just wanted to go somewhere out of the cold and pissing rain.

I think AfA is more of a night out thing, so pubs/bars. Not sure Greggs would be part of it.

While your situation was horrible, it is a bit different to if you were on a night out and scared they may spike your drink or follow you home etc.

Maybe you could have told the Greggs staff he was bothering people and they could keep an eye and call the police if needed though? Don’t beat yourself up, you handled it well.

This. I’m not sure the ask for angela situation applies here.

Fuck! When will men learn that no means no? I’m sorry you felt like you had to leave. He was a dick.

Fuck off sometimes works in a loud voice. No need to be polite.

Of course you were upset, OP. You told him no and he ignored your boundaries. That’s a red flag.

In addition, he referred to your body in a dehumanising way. He saw you in relation to his sexual fetish, not as a person. That’s also a danger sign.

You did the right thing to get away as quickly as possible.

Just a side thought, it might be worth reporting it to the manager of the place it happened, most have CCTV and might be able to ID the guy and at the least ban him if he is a regular or known to them.

Speak to the Police, could be a hate crime, it won't have been the first he's done this.

At the end of the day we should be able to go out for a coffee without being hit upon by some perv, really needs reporting.

Glad you were able to get away from him, sounds scary.

Take care.

I am really sorry to hear that, Op. It's awful women can't even be left in peace to have a coffee

Years ago I had an awful experience in Nandos with a man. I knew for definite some of it had been witnessed by a Nandos employee who didn't intervene.

I complained afterwards to Nandos. Their response (after being chased for it) was that the employee thought that the man and I were together and joking around. The "joking around" by the way included him calling me a cunt and saying that he was going to hit me because I asked him to leave me alone. Nandos told me that if I ever felt unsafe again in one of their restaurants I should call the police.

Nothing that happened here was your fault. It was all on him.

The staff in greggs wouldn't have had a clue what ask for Angela meant.

Has anyone used AFA and had help? I see it in lots of pubs/bars and did wonder if it works in reality

OP I’m sorry you had to put up with that appallingly creepy man

I'm so angry for you. You shouldn't have had to leave your coffee, HE should have been escorted OUT.

You could try going to the till and tell them this guy was harrassing you. You don't need code for that. If it doesn't impinge on him, he'll keep doing it.

@Theeyeballsinthesky I have often wondered how well the scheme works.
Bar/pub/restaurant work tends to have a large staff turnover and frequently training is poor and rushed.
I expect training the staff up for what to do if someone actually Asks for Angela is way down the list of training priorities.

Yes that’s my feeling too @Needmorelego i think it’s a great idea but I do wonder how well it works in reality

I'm completely cynical about Ask for Angela. I don't think for a minute that bar staff are trained in it, and I can picture blank looks all round.

I was in Pret before Christmas and a guy asked for the 'sparkle special' or something, their mince pie promotion. The staff made him repeat it until he gave up, it was so embarrassing. There were posters on the wall saying sparkle special, but that was company promotional stuff and clearly hadn't been communicated to the staff.

Or like those cheery shop assistants on TV adverts that you can ask for advice, try that in real life and get ready to feel awkward.

Sorry I'm derailing, that guy in Greggs was just vile, walking away was all you could do. Tosser.

Thankyou for all the replies everyone. @EmmaEmerald Hi. Sorry for what happened on your work trip, and that you have experienced similar with your skin colour,

@IwantToRetire great post and not a derail at all I hadnt heard of the Wimpy Bar campaign.

@Motnight thats horrific. How the fuck could threatening behaviour be construed as joking.

I will admit i also have my doubts about the knowledge people will have about AFA in bars and pubs I understand how it may only apply to bars and restaurants at night. A lot more risky to be out then when its dark. I was in Greggs at 4.30 pm and its lighter now at that time.

I am so sorry that happened, it wasn't your fault, you handled it well.

It wasn’t your fault but I agree that it wasn’t a AfA situation or even something you could expect the staff there to be trained in.

@JenniferBooth what a creep ruining your coffee.

Channel your rage into practicing a phrase like “Could someone let me move to their table? This man is being a creep”. If you say it out loud a few times, it will be easier if you ever need to use it again.

Alternative possibilities-
Be quiet I’m not interested
Stop being creepy

both said loudly enough for everyone to hear.

derail but I too am sceptical about ask for angela. If you can get to the bar to ask for angela, you can tell them you are in trouble and need help to leave discretely.

It would be useful if you were unable to speak out of hearing of your date.

Seems it is aimed at the night-time economy on the front page but then it gets a bit vague:

"Ask for Angela"

The national scheme that helps anyone who is feeling vulnerable on a night out to get the support they need.
https://askforangela.co.uk/

"About Ask for Angela"

Ask for Angela is the not for profit scheme that aims to ensure that anyone who is feeling vulnerable or unsafe is able to get the support they need. This could be on a night out, on a date, meeting friends and other situations. Ask for Angela is needed because:

97% of women aged 18-24 and 80% of all women said they had been sexually harassed in public spaces in the UK
https://askforangela.co.uk/about/

Dont understand all the clueless comments here. What could staff have done? Erm asked him to leave for harassing someone? It's not rocket science.

Why have you revived this a year later?

Lots of Greggs have a cafe area as well where you can sit in to eat and drink your wares.

But why would you need to “ask for Angela” in that situation? Ask for Angela is meant to be for specific circumstances where you don’t feel safe asking for help in front of someone and staff can try and find you a way out another exit or call you a cab etc.

If you’re being harassed in a place you can still speak to the staff and see if they can get him to stop or to leave! You don’t need code words for that. If you feel safe enough to just get up and walk out you don’t need code words.

You have three choices if you’re being harassed. You tell the bloke to fuck off, you ask the staff to remove him, or you leave. IF you are genuinely worried about him following you or it’s someone you can’t easily escape from you can still ask the staff for help. Asking for Angela is only when you don’t want the person harassing you know what you’re doing. (But as others have pointed out it’s pointless anyway as pretty much everyone knows what it means now anyway).