Pissed off that i forgot about Ask for Angela

[JenniferBooth]

Was in Greggs today having a coffee and it was packed. A bloke came and asked to sit at the same table and i said yes ok. as there was no where else to sit. then he started with I like big women. And asked if he could get to know me a bit better. Repeated twice more that he liked bigger women.
Me. No Im married, but then he persisted with how i have the perfect figure (i dont) i told him again that i was married and said there are plenty of dating sites. I then got up to leave and he asked for a contact number and asked to meet up. I had to say NO again. I dumped my coffee and left. Just feel shit and disgusted. Bad enough being harassed but to be fetishized as well....

It wasnt until later at home that i remembered about Ask For Angela so i could have gone up to the staff and said that. Just feel a bit crap. I was trying to be firm but polite. Cos what crossed my mind was what happened in London a few weeks ago. Just having a moan here really.

PLEASE NO DIET ADVICE Im already tackling it which is why i was only having a black coffee, I just wanted to go somewhere out of the cold and pissing rain.

That's sounds awful, but I think just ask for Angela is a way of getting help to escape a situation if things go awry. You were able to just walk away from a rude random bloke with no boundaries so not sure what the staff in Greggs could do

You walked away. What else could the staff have done to help you?

Isn't the Ask for Angela thing more for situations you cannot get yourself out of? And isn't it usually bars and restaurants?

He was fucking persistent but yes i walked away. My bad it was totally my fault.

What was?

It was not your fault !!! It was the creepy guy !!!!!

Yes.

Im just having a moan thats all.

This wasn't an "Ask for Angela" situation.
He was a creep but you left and he didn't follow you. I don't know why you left your coffee - it's all takeaway in Gregg's.
I doubt Greggs staff are aware of the scheme as they are primarily a takeaway.

Sorry this happened x

Well done for getting away - but I don't think they'd have Angela at Greggs as it's more for places that people might go on dates, and I'm not aware Greggs is a romantic hotspot. And as people said, for situations where the other person has reason to believe you'll stick around so getting away is harder.

Sorry you had a horrible experience, and it wasn't your fault at all, not sure why you're blaming yourself

Why was it your fault?

I can't see Gregg's staff being primed to deal with ask for Angela. That's all about getting the woman out of a pub or bar through another exit etc.

I'm so sorry this man did this. It is not your fault and you did nothing wrong. Forget about the ask for Angela thing - it seems to me like you're using it now to blame yourself for what happened, but I repeat, it's not your fault and you did nothing wrong. In fact, you got yourself away from a shit situation and that's what matters.

Rant away, sister!

What an asshole, sorry you had to listen to that and am irritated for you that you had to leave a coffee and go out in the rain! Yes the people working there might have found a way to help, hope something nice happens to you tomorrow x

God I hate blokes like this feeling entitled to your attention. Glad he was nothing more than a pest who didn't go after you. Others are right though, they probably wouldn't have heard of it at Gregg's. It's more for getting away, calling a taxi, using a side door etc. Don't let this knobhead get you down. You handled the situation finexx

Well It was rude of him to try and hit on you, but how disgusting that he kept referencing your size.

In future, don't be afraid to say in a very loud voice "I've told you I'm not interested, I don't know you, so please leave me alone". Shame him in front of others.

Thanks

Nothing was your fault.

He should have left you alone.

I don't think this is what AFA is for - that's more getting rid of a date that has turned dangerous, but that doesn't matter.

Agree with others that Ask for Angela is for certain places and situations, so don't feel bad about forgetting about it, if anything you have done a favour by reminding us that we can use it. It is sad and annoying that you have a complete headcase ruin things, especially when you have been kind enough to share your table - most of the time, this kindness would have been repaid by a nice stranger either completely ignoring you and getting on with their coffee, or, at best, being pleasant company. You did the best thing and you left. This pest would have been a pest whatever I suspect, regardless of weight etc. (nobody else's business anyway). Next time you are in (if there is a next time) it is probably worth mentioning to the manager or staff that a right weirdo put you out last time. I bet he will be known for it, and, although they won't do "ask for angela" it probably helps if the staff have their eye out for this sort of thing. Thanks for sharing, xx

He was a first class twat who ruined your day - fu cking perv, you should have poured hot coffee on his groin

Hi @JenniferBooth

so sorry that happened to you

I understand the extra unpleasantness with the fetish, I get that openly stated about my skin colour.

you mentioned something happened in London - I tend to avoid news but wondering if there’s something I should be aware of?

it’s so hard to go places as a woman alone without harassment. I haven’t had a proper holiday for ages but last work trip, I was alone and I was made to feel very nervous by a cabbie and a barman. I was told by another woman at the hotel that she felt harassed by the same guy but she addressed it head on and he told her off as he was just being “friendly”.

I certainly didn’t see him talking to any lone male customers.

aahhh that was a good rant.

I dont know about Greggs and whether their staff have had training. But I think another point about Ask For Angela is to alert staff that there is a man in the premises that they should be aware of who is harassing women. It isn't as specific as some post have suggested, but yes the assumption is that it is for places where alcohol is being served. Which I think rather limits it because it isn't just drunk men who are a problem and making it hard for women to be out and about in public.

In fact maybe wherever we are, if we go to the counter / bar and "Ask for Angela" because of harassment and the staff look blank, you can explain the situation and some venues / outlets have trained staff to help women. And it might prompt them to sign up.

Lots of women who like to take a small time out in a coffee shop have said it quite often ends up with some man assuming if their sitting on their own they are basically advertising that they want a man to approach them.

(Many many years ago there was the Great Wimpy Bar campaign because Wimpy wouldn't serve women on their own. Was never sure if it was because they assumed they were prostitutes or because they realised men would harass them.)

Sorry OP this isn't meant to be a derail but to say I think you were totally right to be pissed off that he dared to behave as he did, and in those circumstances I think any of us should be able to approach staff and complain whether in the guise of ask angela or because we have the right as women not to be harassed.

Even though probably not an AFA situation, I think it’s a shame you couldn’t just go up to the counter and tell the staff the man was harassing you and expect them to ask him to leave so you could finish your coffee in peace.

Sorry you had to experience it OP, hope it doesn’t put you off having a coffee out again, soon.

You did fine, OP. You got yourself away. Next time though, remember you don't have to be polite or explain that you're married. You really don't. It would be okay to make a little scene.