Everyone scarper, the rozzers are coming

[ArabellaScott]

Dawn Butler's called the polis on us! Quick everyone, namechange and look busy.

https://twitter.com/DawnButlerBrent/status/1737853431413657806

Ooh wonder who it will be, hopefully someone who doesn't hate me! I don't mind doing the time, even though we haven't done the crime, it will be nice to have someone else cook for a change! But I'm buggered if I'm sharing a cell with Suzy (izzard or green)

Pleeease stop posting new posts on this thread! There are tears streaming down my cheeks and my ribs are hurting from laughing at all the brilliantly witty posts, MN always responds wonderfully to OTT accusations, there's obviously a shared sense of the ridiculous that you tap into.. I salute you! Now please stop being so hilarious, so I can calm down a bit🙂

Whaaat - I go off for some late night baking and come back to police reports and tussling giraffes.

Just another night on Mumsnet then?

Swallow the evidence.

I'm not in the mood for a long stretch inside.

Dammit Janice!!

We must have someone who can pick locks within our gang of six surely?

But we're just mere sock puppets, remember. Sock puppets can't carry out fiddly tasks like lock picking, how are we supposed to hold the bobby pin properly? (Not that I know anything about lock picking, Mr Mumsnet Monitoring Met Police Officer Sir).

We're just going to have to blow the bloody doors off.

#FreeTheMumsnetOnesAfterXmas

What will the neighbours think when the Police turn up??

Never Dawned* on me my Mumsnet habit would get me into this much trouble.

*Pun absolutely intended

i feel sorry for the men trying to hide out in the women’s prison. We’ll arrive and set about them with opinions about them being in our jail.

that’ll learn them.

Goes without saying.

Erm, I'm new here, who is this 'Datun' of whom you speak?

Ah, I haven't heard the word rozzers for ages!

Re hedgehog masturbation. That’s what hot yoga is for - men trying to get bendy wnough to be as happy as a hedgehog .

😂

Now that I CAN DO!

She really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't she. Not too bright, that one.

If the rozzers wish to pursue me round M&S tomorrow like the lingerie episode of Father Ted, they're welcome to try.

Orange really is not my colour.

Erm, I'm new here, who is this 'Datun' of whom you speak?
If you're one of us she'll bring a toothbrush and some deodorant to your cell shortly.

It's alright we'll all just affirm that it is your colour!

😂😎

Oh the lads at gchq are going to be very confused with these two threads. 🤣

Just so long as they don't end up headbutting each other in the balls trying to check which is which.

I don't think we need orange, I think our own clothes will do. But will they not arrest me if I'm not wearing proper WOMANLY clothes to show my womanliness? I suspect it's a bit cold in prison and I'd like jeans and a jumper please.

Who’s bringing the Christmas tree?

'Pearls, hofficer? What pearls?

Oh these pearls. These pearls is just what we use for clutchin', hofficer.'

I had my colours done and Orange is definitely not it.

Moi?

Unhand me!

Obviously Datun but also, even though she was banned, LangCleg needs to be arrested because she was all about having opinions about making children safer, so you know, guilty as hell.

I'd imagine both will bring nice tea, although Lang needs to be banned from bringing bananas and weetabix.