Everyone scarper, the rozzers are coming

[ArabellaScott]

Dawn Butler's called the polis on us! Quick everyone, namechange and look busy.

https://twitter.com/DawnButlerBrent/status/1737853431413657806

@SinnerBoy Bottom half! Waiting for it to set before next layers

I don't want any heroin. I will be needing plenty of Vitamin D, though.

This alone is surely enough to put this thread into Classics.

The tamtrumming children who frequent twitter/x have no idea who they're messing with.

I was coming to ask wtf would you make half a trifle, and then wondering if it was L orr R and then wondering if the poster was on the trifle thread which talked about making custard so dense it was like dawn squeaky when cut.

😃

I’ve asked for an update on Site Stuff - I need to know whether or not to get on with defrosting turkey. I have Things To Do.

Turkeys take days. Oh, don't tell me you forgot to start boiling the sprouts on Monday?

In truth, there have been previous complaints about my custardy being of a Dawn-like consistency @SinnerBoy. If the plod turn up soon, it may save the wider family from being trifled with.

Have you sailed into International Waters to avoid detention?

I love you very much right now!

Not to avoid detention, Lark. We're currently in British waters.

Frets...

Brilliant. They need to RSVP so we know how much massive salad to make.

Any advice from others in the same predicament would be gratefully received. I'm not sure what to do now. The rozzers still have not been and I'm still here waiting; sitting on the sofa with my small, packed, case by the front door. DH and PIL have taken DCs to visit his cousin in Leeds. I said I would wait in and might, or might not, be here when they return.

I don't wish to be difficult or rude to the rozzers- they are only doing their job and, I imagine, are short-staffed, with better things to be doing than arresting thousands of mums just before Christmas - but I'm really not prepared to wait in longer than 7pm because DH and I are going out to dinner tonight at our favourite restaurant. I'll go quietly if they come for me before 5pm but after that I'll be getting ready and won't be at all happy if they turn up then. I might actually have a few sharp words to say and resist arrest.

DH thinks they might not be arresting us all at once because they might not have enough cells, especially if many of us refuse to 'be sprung' by our 'briefs'. I'm definitely not being sprung by my briefs and will be spending Christmas Day 'in the clink' if at all possible. I plan to spend the time writing an article for The Daily Mail about the whole experience- I thought The Guardian would not be interested given the subject matter, unless I slant it freedom of speech being attacked/mothers separated from children at Christmas/ forced to miss 'Ghosts' on Christmas Day/ denied vegan option for lunch in cells.

Anyway, I think I'll have a mince pie and a nap before thinking about lunch. I might have a look at the outfits I've packed for Christmas Day and Boxing Day- perhaps just leggings, big sweatshirts, puffer jacket and range of co-ordinating scarves would be better than my Christmas Day dress..........and perhaps not the pearls. I'll go low-key I think.

If they're housing us for free for arbitrary imprisonment, does that mean I'm finally out of my crippling mortgage payments that increased by £600 this year?

Is your custard thick or thixotropic, apparently you can run across really thick custard but you're buggered if you stop. Which reminds me...back to digging the moat.

denied vegan option for lunch in cells.

I've bagged that column. I have an ethical preference, an allergy and few things I just really dislike, so I've got all the angles covered.

Only applies to Bird's type custard though. Different physics applies to egg custard, so make sure you fill the moat with the right one.

I think the trick would be to let them get halfway across the moat then ask them a difficult question like, can I see you truncheon officer? Or, is Balonz really a good name for a tunnel, I don't want it's tunnel friends to laugh at it in the park?

Doug would be a good name for a tunnel.

Tomato ketchup is another non-Newtonian fluid, so you could potentially top up with that in a pinch.

Someone should send that to the shitmag that ran the sliced up toothpaste after dinner mints tip. I think they send money for such tips.

Icing sugar with a bit of water also behaves the same way, so would defo work.

Ketchup works the other way - gets thinner rather than thicker with the application of kinetic energy. And isn't thick enough to run on in either state. So we'll need to stick to custard or icing.

I reckon the best plan is to set off in groups, then split up part way across so the chasing guard hesitates while deciding who to follow.

I wouldn't focus on it.

I've decided to write two columns- one for the Daily Mail where I'll focus on any wokery I see (they like all of that and will pay well for a column about that sort of stuff). The one for The Guardian will be more focussed on any significant infringements of our human rights that I experience- not having single-person cells for example, having to share a bathroom, not having an ensuite, poor levels of cleanliness, not being offered a duvet made of recycled bottles (I don't approve of feathers), whether art classes are available or not in the afternoons, vegan options, are there well-fitting black-out blinds in the cell and I must have absolute silence at night and a cool room.

Ketchup also not so nice in a trifle.

So ...cornflour, icing sugar and a dollop of vanilla flavouring it is. If I use too much sherry will that spoil the effect?

Can we all just selfID as men and really bugger up the system?

I'm going to dig a shorter tunnel and call it Douglas.

I'll get my coat.

Can I still wear my Harry Styles Christmas jumper. I'm refusing to take it off, plus I'm convinced he's a secret Terf anyway.

someone is waiting on the chap on the door…