My 15 year old daughter is going to a sleepover tomorrow night....

Kitkat2023 · 2023-10-27T18:07:23+00:00

....and out of 5 girls, 3 of them dress up as boys. My daughter is NOT one of them, but over the last 2 years, 3 of her friends have started the 'trans' fashion. My daughter is all over it calling the girls 'they and them or he'. We are starting to fall out over it because I just can't entertain it when she's calling them all their new names as I find it so ridiculous. What the hell have they done to our children?

Ibravedaflood · 27/10/2023 19:09

Hopefully like push-pops and energy drinks it's just a fad soon passed. Bonkers the whole thing.

NuffSaidSam · 27/10/2023 19:09

Tell her you're not happy for her to have a sleepover with three boys and see how quickly she knows they're girls again.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 27/10/2023 19:15

NuffSaidSam · 27/10/2023 19:09

Tell her you're not happy for her to have a sleepover with three boys and see how quickly she knows they're girls again.

😂
These poor girls - gaslit at every opportunity by dodgy adults encouraging them to hate their female bodies at the very time when they need to be learning to come to terms with them.
As the Cass review pointed out - for many / most of them it will be a phase. For the mentally vulnerable it is of course a one way path to wrecking their bodies and future lives. 😡

Elisheva · 27/10/2023 19:18

She knows, they all know. Teenagers are not stupid. Let them get on with it, nod and smile and gentle teasing is how I’m getting though it. The children are victims of this, not perpetrators, and a supportive friend will be of more help to them. My children are well aware of my views on it, but I talk in general terms, not about their specific friends.

Frenchfancy · 27/10/2023 19:22

NuffSaidSam · 27/10/2023 19:09

Tell her you're not happy for her to have a sleepover with three boys and see how quickly she knows they're girls again.

Yes. This.

My teen DD is all about preferred pronouns, and you can't say "he" when discussing certain YouTube celebrities. But she is starting to come round with the sports issues.

Her older sisters have seen the light So there is hope.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2023 19:22

Do they 'dress as boys' or 'think they are boys'? Because those are different. DD 'dresses like a boy' with DMs, jeans, graphic Ts and short hair. She also rolls her eyes when asked her pronouns and asks why she should have to wear uncomfortable clothes.

She and all her friends 'they' everyone because when in doubt in produces the least cobblers responses. And actually, my 18 yo feminist self might have thought that was a good idea too.

Original poster

Kitkat2023 · 27/10/2023 19:36

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2023 19:22

Do they 'dress as boys' or 'think they are boys'? Because those are different. DD 'dresses like a boy' with DMs, jeans, graphic Ts and short hair. She also rolls her eyes when asked her pronouns and asks why she should have to wear uncomfortable clothes.

She and all her friends 'they' everyone because when in doubt in produces the least cobblers responses. And actually, my 18 yo feminist self might have thought that was a good idea too.

No, they think they are boys and have changed their names to boy names. They fully identify as trans

OP posts:

Meeting · 27/10/2023 19:39

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Wowwellokthen · 27/10/2023 19:56

My daughter (16) and her friends are the same....she says she's hanging with the boys.....they are all pretty and feminine girls who despite their claims like dressing up as girls sometimes and talk about fancying boys. But...being a CIS heterosexual (among other things) is the worse thing, to them, to identify as!
I say nothing as I am an old CIS heterosexual who doesn't "get it". I certainly don't get that 100% of a friendship group are actually trans bisexuals.
I don't care how people identify but this youth fad is boring (and insulting to those people truly suffering from gender confusion)

SamW98 · 27/10/2023 20:05

I’m so glad this seems to have passed my 18 year old DS by.
His friendship group are all pretty stereotypical(in so much as there is such a thing) young men. They’re into going to football, PlayStation, gigs, going to town centre pubs wearing jeans, polo shirts and trainers.

I’ve had a conversation with him if he knows anyone who is trans or uses different pronouns etc. He said there’s one girl from school who’s now a boy but other than that it seems it’s totally off his radar.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 27/10/2023 20:08

Honestly, if you don’t stop her going then you’re revealing you don’t think they are male. The right thing to do to show her you are completely not transphobic is to ban her from going.

Theimpossiblegirl · 27/10/2023 20:08

I'd say no mixed gender sleep overs and not let her go.

I'd actually say no mixed sex sleepovers but it's not technically mixed sex. That's another argument altogether....

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2023 20:10

SamW98 · 27/10/2023 20:05

I’m so glad this seems to have passed my 18 year old DS by.
His friendship group are all pretty stereotypical(in so much as there is such a thing) young men. They’re into going to football, PlayStation, gigs, going to town centre pubs wearing jeans, polo shirts and trainers.

I’ve had a conversation with him if he knows anyone who is trans or uses different pronouns etc. He said there’s one girl from school who’s now a boy but other than that it seems it’s totally off his radar.

Edited

Because boys aren't taught to hate themselves, hate their bodies and aren't sexually harassed from 11 years old (if they're lucky).

The stereotypical boys are often the ones pushing girls into identifying out of femaleness. Both girls and boys are aware of who has the power. No boy wants to be a girl (barring a lot of trauma) because it's a demotion.

JanesLittleGirl · 27/10/2023 20:11

Yep. Call her bluff. See how long it is before she decides that they are actually girls.

RedToothBrush · 27/10/2023 20:41

JanesLittleGirl · 27/10/2023 20:11

Yep. Call her bluff. See how long it is before she decides that they are actually girls.

It would be interesting to see her response to this. I wonder if she would get past a whiny 'but all my friends parents are...'

No sleep overs with boys is the rule. That covers the penis version and the imaginary version.

But in terms of getting her to think and break the hive mind bullshit, getting her to go full terf and admit they are girls and she's indulging in double think wouldn't be a bad thing.

It might also test a few of the other parents resolve too.

KnickersOfBoomBoom · 27/10/2023 21:04

Be disinterested, be bored by it, don’t give this your attention and the phase will likely pass if it’s a fad. At the moment the disagreement creates friction, which some teenagers are drawn to in order to create a reaction and separation. It’s an age thing, a teenage developing brain thing, pushing boundaries, trying to eke out an individual identity, bending to peer pressure and the newest fad. Focus on more meaningful positive things and building a good relationship

Transparent2 · 27/10/2023 21:05

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2023 20:10

Because boys aren't taught to hate themselves, hate their bodies and aren't sexually harassed from 11 years old (if they're lucky).

The stereotypical boys are often the ones pushing girls into identifying out of femaleness. Both girls and boys are aware of who has the power. No boy wants to be a girl (barring a lot of trauma) because it's a demotion.

Show quote history

That is largely true, but boys are taught (though through a misunderstanding) that masculinity is toxic. I believe that for some more sensitive boys/men that this misunderstanding is part of the thinking that is behind their wish to be a woman. Both transmen and transwomen can be victims of stereotyping. Men can struggle with societal expectations too. I could say a lot more, but I don't want to derail the thread.

Taylorscat · 27/10/2023 21:08

KnickersOfBoomBoom · 27/10/2023 21:04

Be disinterested, be bored by it, don’t give this your attention and the phase will likely pass if it’s a fad. At the moment the disagreement creates friction, which some teenagers are drawn to in order to create a reaction and separation. It’s an age thing, a teenage developing brain thing, pushing boundaries, trying to eke out an individual identity, bending to peer pressure and the newest fad. Focus on more meaningful positive things and building a good relationship

Edited

100pc this.

There’s always some rebellion as a teenager. Don’t poke the nest. And definitely don’t ruin your relationship over something like this

Itwasamemo2 · 27/10/2023 21:09

I have no advice OP ,am just so glad that my children are in their mid to late 20s and didn’t have all this stuff to navigate when they were that age!

Deadringer · 27/10/2023 21:42

My dds friends went through this from age 11/12. All 3 of them identified as boys, changed their names frequently, got upset if my dd forgot and called them by their 'dead' names even though everyone else also called them by their old names as no one at school or at their homes knew they were trans. She has mild SN and accepts anything they say as gospel truth. They are no longer trans at 13/14 but were lesbians for a while, and are now non binary. I really think they used this stuff to bully her, and others. Kids have always rebelled and always thought they knew everything but generally the rest of society wasn't tripping over itself to encourage them.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/10/2023 21:47

JanesLittleGirl · 27/10/2023 20:11

Yep. Call her bluff. See how long it is before she decides that they are actually girls.

Can i suggest a slight change of wording to nudge towards reality.

No mixed gender sleepovers.

But, Mum, that's not fair.

No, no mixed genders.

But...but....you mean no mixed - <ping goes the lightbulb>

FarEast · 27/10/2023 21:59

NuffSaidSam · 27/10/2023 19:09

Tell her you're not happy for her to have a sleepover with three boys and see how quickly she knows they're girls again.

Good one @NuffSaidSam ! 😎

JanesLittleGirl · 27/10/2023 22:00

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/10/2023 21:47

Can i suggest a slight change of wording to nudge towards reality.

No mixed gender sleepovers.

But, Mum, that's not fair.

No, no mixed genders.

But...but....you mean no mixed - <ping goes the lightbulb>

Show quote history

My position would be "You are not having a sleepover with three boys". And then wait for her to tell me that they are girls. Hold a hard line until she admits reality. She knows that reality and that what she is pretending is that her friends are boys when she knows them to be girls.There are times when you have to be cruel to be kind.

Stopsnowing · 27/10/2023 22:02

DD has come out of this trans phase and so have most of her friends

looking4pup · 27/10/2023 22:15

3/5 of her close friendship group is trans? That's extremely high. Surely they can't all be??