The dreaded issue arose with my son…

[HeadAgainstWall0923]

Today my 9 year old son told me that boys can change to girls, and girls can change to boys, and they can choose whether to be a boy or a girl whenever they want.

When I asked him where he’d heard that he said he’d been told it at school.

I feel so disheartened.

*but thats NOT how I know you’re a boy! Duh!!

I am so glad I don't have young children anymore.

My 19 year old DS has gone to uni and swallowed the Woke Trans KoolAid and attempted once or twice to mansplain things to me in his great knowledge. He doesn't do that anymore after I made it clear that his mum was a TERF and that he was entitled to his opinion but there was no way it was going to be let slide around here.

Happily, my younger son is 14 and thinks his brother is an idiot. He is our little long hair wearing gender non conforming emo rockstar though, and any suggestion that he is a girl because of it is met with a dramatic flick of the hair.

I am 'open and honest' with my kids, they know how reality works. The 19 year old will come to his senses, Uni and new and exciting, he will grow out of it. He had to rebel somehow.

Just keep talking sense to him OP. It is all we can do.

I told my kids that people can dress and say who they want to be. I also told them it is impossible to change sex however, because that it what I believe.

I told them some people want to try to change their sex and people are too scared to tell them they can’t do it so the message is wrong.I said the message will change in about ten years but until then we have to pretend. I said that as we are respectful people we can smile and nod, but inside we can agree it’s utterly batshit

i have kids in Scotland so the messages here start young and there are posters all over school and other public places. I have taught my kids to see these and understand why they are there

Was this something your son was taught OP? Are you in Scotland?

As well as teaching my children basic, factual biology and having the 'some people believe this' chat, I've previously contacted the sex ed provider to correct specific misinformation. Which they have done.

Beethoven I'm in Scotland too and have just refused permission for ds 14 to fill in the SHINE Wellbeing survey at school as q5 asks about his 'gender identity' with no question about biological sex. I emailed the school to say I wasn't happy with the way the question was framed asking for feedback to go to the council. I also noted that the questionnaire said answers were anonymous but at the end the pupils were invited to give their names if they wanted help which I thought might be confusing.

That’s all fine and dandy, but none of the children you’ve mentioned have or will ever change sex.

Are you in England OP? Report the school to Ofsted and copy your MP if so. The lesson goes against what they should do:

www.gov.uk/guidance/plan-your-relationships-sex-and-health-curriculum

"You should not reinforce harmful stereotypes, for instance by suggesting that children might be a different gender based on their personality and interests or the clothes they prefer to wear. Resources used in teaching about this topic must always be age-appropriate and evidence based. Materials which suggest that non-conformity to gender stereotypes should be seen as synonymous with having a different gender identity should not be used and you should not work with external agencies or organisations that produce such material. While teachers should not suggest to a child that their non-compliance with gender stereotypes means that either their personality or their body is wrong and in need of changing, teachers should always seek to treat individual students with sympathy and support."

It's a dreaded conversation because firmly counteracting all the bollocks children are being taught whilst maintaining a close and trusting relationship with them is a difficult tightrope to walk these days.

I know the age of legal majority needs to be set somewhere but your daughter's friend is someone who was considered too young to vote in a general election, get a tattoo or buy cigarettes a few months ago, but suddenly they're able to consent to hormone treatment and possibly surgery which will permanently damage their previously healthy body and probably render them infertile because they believe the ideologues telling them you can choose whether to be a man or a woman.

I am not sure why this is all a big deal as there are many young people certainly in secondary school who use non traditional pronouns and identify in a way most comfortable to them

This child is nine. Nine. What he is being told at school is in no way comparable to what's happening with your sixth former, they are in a different stage of life.

Older teens have always spouted a load of nonsense. It's been ever so.

Morning everyone,

Rhank you for all of your advice and some of your suggestions regarding the responses/explanations I could give him in further discussions are incredibly helpful.

I struggled to drop off last night as it was going around in my head.

In going to bring it up again this morning only to find out if this was something that was told to him by his teacher (they didn’t hear puberty lessons at the end of last year) or whether it’s something he’s heard children talk about.

Even if it’s just a discussion he’s heard other children having, do you think I should still raise it with his teacher?

We are heading to having a whole generation who believe complete twaddle. If we aren't already at that point. How dare schools teach such nonsense, to put such ideas into impressionable minds , the worst thing is that no one who spouts such nonsense has to deal with the consequences. I have formed the opinion that someone, some organisation needs to be sued in order for things to change.
In the meantime OP just stick to biology with your child, and tell them that putting on different clothes and modifying the body does not change sex.

I meant to say he had* his puberty talk at school at the end of the last academic term.

I totally agree.

My kids aren't yet at this stage but I find it really concerning that parents who want to try and keep their children safe are going to have to tell their children that their teachers are either wrong or lying to them about this one particular subject, but also that they must respect the teacher and listen to them. I think a certain level of scepticism and questioning at school is good, but fundamentally children need to be able to trust their teachers when they say that 2 + 2 = 4. This seems like it's breaking the social contract between teachers and children somehow.

The problem is that now your son is being told one thing by some adults ( teachers), and an entirely opposite thing by others ( yourself). We are really brewing up sheer confusion and a lack of trust in adult responsibility.

My first move would be to speak with the headteacher and raise your concerns. Also, speak with other parents you feel you can trust.

@JoyceBarry it doesn’t matter how old they are - the discussion has been had at school (not necessarily by the teacher if I understand this right but maybe by the child’s friends?) you can’t take that conversation back can you?? So you need to talk about it!!

There are many people in our society that are able to live in a way that they choose so just because you may not agree does not mean to say that a 9 year old cannot hear about it in an age appropriate way. I outlined my daughters friends as one has had feelings of wanting to be transgender since 11/12 I am highlighting that the 9yo will probably come across a wide range of you g people at clubs or secondary school very soon and an open conversation is best. I just don’t see why this is such a big deal!!

If the child has heard it is class by the teacher then have a chat with them and see what was actually said. It maybe very different from what was heard.

@MargotBamborough but the OP stated she doesn’t know whether this was a taught lesson or the child heard it from a friend. If it was the teacher lets see what was actually said!

Stating that some people want to live in a different way is fine and encompasses lots of different lifestyle choices. Giving the opinion ,as a fact, that people change sex isn't. No one changes sex and at 9 a child cannot comprehend the details and results of modifying the body if that is what they are being told.

There’s some great advice and sensible comments on this thread.
I would also be asking the school what they are teaching them.
also, what the heck is going on in Scottish schools?

@JoyceBarry

I think I would go down the "everyone is pretending in order to be kind" route with your son.

Something like this:

"Henry, I wanted to talk some more about the conversation we had the other day, when you said that a boy can become a girl if he has his testicles removed. This isn't true. If a boy has his penis and testicles removed, they can have surgery to make their genitals look more like a vulva on the outside, but on the inside they are still male. A girl isn't a boy without a penis and testicles. A girl has a uterus and ovaries inside her, when she reaches puberty she will start to release eggs each month to try and make a baby, and if she doesn't get pregnant she will then have a period. If she does get pregnant she will grow a baby inside her. Boys and men cannot and will never be able to do any of these things no matter what changes they make to their body, because humans can't change sex. And this is what sex means, it means whether you produce the sperm or the egg to make a baby. That's the difference between men and women. Now I know a lot of people say that a boy can become a girl and vice versa, that someone might be born with the brain of a girl in the body of a boy and decide to transition so that their body matches their brain. This is wrong. There is no such thing as a girl brain or a boy brain, and even if there were, it still would not be possible to change the sex of the body. Some people might actually believe that humans can change sex, but they are wrong. A much bigger number of people are pretending that it is possible for humans to change sex because they know that some people get very upset when you say it isn't possible, and it's not nice to deliberately upset people, so they pretend. I don't think it's nice to deliberately upset people either, and if you know a trans person you shouldn't go round pointing out the fact that they haven't changed sex or using their old name and pronouns if they don't want you to. But at the same time I disagree with people, particularly teachers, pretending that humans can change sex when they can't. So on this subject, and this subject alone, feel free to ignore what your teachers are telling you, and if you have any questions, come and ask me."

Margot, you must know some small children with a very impressive attention span! That would have taken about a week to say to mine (who would have wandered off to make a Lego bridge over the cat after the first sentence).

The OP's son is nine, I wouldn't say that to a four year old!

She could also use the Santa analogy.

Santa isn't real but we pretend he is so as not to upset the little children.

Like with religion what I found really helpful is to package up the set of beliefs so they can recognise them and know they're optional - this Christianity, this is transgenderism, this is what I think and why, you listen carefully to what people tell you and decide what you think.
Thanks to the amount of Christianity slipped in casually at primary school via RS lessons as well as assemblies we had to do that one at 4, so teacher is always right ship had long sailed by 9. But yes school shouldn't be pushing one side of a contentious political issue and that needs addressing with them.

Well I’ve spoken to my son and he said he heard it from other children in the playground which he shares with Years 4, 5 and 6 children (so 9-11 years old).

He said there were a group of older boys sitting on the bench near to him who were saying that if they wanted to be a girl all they had to do was tell their mum they felt like one and then they’d be a girl. They’d then said something along the lines of if they got their balls cut off (their words) it would make them even more of a girl.

I asked my son if he believed what the boys had said and just shrugged his shoulders and said that they must have been right because they’re older than him and so they know more.

Point out to your son that Boris Johnson is a lot older than him and even got to be prime minister but is still really stupid?

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