Friend called TW 'man' and 'fella'

[Zombaes]

Just writing this to try and work through my feelings.

I'm very heavily GC. I always thought if I came face to face with this situation I wouldn't 'pretend' this person is a woman.

There was a TW at a drive through, friend driving. Middle aged man, caked with makeup. Very obviously a man.

Driver says 'You alright man' 'Cheers fella' 'nice one mate' sort of thing.

Very, very typical of him. He says those things to every man he talks to.

But it made me uncomfortable because I felt he might upset this person by not validating what they feel.

Which goes against everything I believe in principle.

No I do not believe that person was a woman. No I do not believe we should be forced to pretend he was and use female pronouns.
So why did it make me so uncomfortable that my friends didn't play along, when I always believed I wouldn't either?

Is it's just the years of woman guilt and being told to be 'nice?'

I get it OP I really do. You'd never want to intentionally hurt anyone. Not that feeding their delusions helps but gender seems very real and very important to them despite the fact it's clearly bollocks to us.

Well adjusted adults don't often become trans, there's a reason suicides and self harm and criminal activity and prostitution are so high in the trans community. These are people with serious mental health problems and skewed thinking about what's normal and acceptable in society. People who hate themselves so much they want to become someone else. This is my problem with Stonewall, in my opinion it is preying on people who need proper help and support to get their lives on track.

Did the person your friend addressed as man, mate and fella react in any way?

I can guarantee they would have done had it been a woman who had said those things.

Nope. Not at all.

Not a pip.

Yes, very much this.

Because I've lived on this earth for 40 years and I know a biological man. It was extremely clear.

Obviously I would never, ever take a photo of someone and post it on the Internet but if I had a photo not a single person on this entire forum could argue it might be a biological woman.

Just because the waiter was heavily made up does not mean he identifies as a woman, surely?

Is it's just the years of woman guilt and being told to be 'nice?'

Yes, it's our socialisation, and centuries & centuries of facilitating men. Don't beat yourself up @Zombaes .

It's a good opportunity though to think through in your mind what you might do next time you're in this sort of situation. These are good moments for "rehearsing," I suppose.

I hope that this turmoils the 'fella' into rethinking his life choices. Misgendering as social discouragement.