I guess this should be an AIBU to be angry

[Worldgonecrazy]

Yesterday early afternoon, walking down the local High Street in a small market town on the south coast. About 15ft ahead of me I immediately spotted a man, walking with, I presume, his wife. The man had longish grey curly hair, was carrying a small handbag in the crook of his arm and wearing a very, very short white pleated skirt made of a flimsy material. It was a very windy day, so every few seconds the man’s skirt would lift in the wind to reveal his pink lacy underwear. He knew what he was wearing and knew what he was doing, allowing his fetish to take place in front of unwilling and unwitting participants, including children. No doubt he went home and wanked himself stupid afterwards.

I am so angry that if I had called him out for the autogynephillic pervert he was, I am the one who would be castigated as a bigot. And as for how wife, facilitating and supporting this utter bullshit! I am so angry that these men are allowed to get away with these behaviours. I guess most normal men would just point and laugh and not think too deeply about it.

I feel completely impotent and annoyed that i didn’t say anything.

sorry - just needed a rant!

I'm thinking that pointing out facts, could be humiliating, but it could also give women an element of control back, so long as it is safe to do so.

As a nurse, whenever a dodgy bloke tried a line on me I would channel my inner Hattie Jacques and give a very loud and factual answer.

I binged on The Hunt For Raoul Moat on ITV last night and it turns out he was a crossdresser and pedophile too.

I remember reading a while back that it is rare for a man to have only one paraphelia, it’s more common to have - iirc - ten or more. So crossdressing + exhibitionism + voyeurism + pedophilia + sadism + masochism + coprophelia + asphyxiation fetish + bondage + beastiality + incest, would be more common than just crossdressing alone.

Spot on

I think that’s why I’m angry. Society has been sold the lie that cross dressing males are mostly harmless eccentrics, rather than the truth that they are likely to have other paraphillias too.

Im not sure what I will do or say if I see him again. It’s a small town so highly likely unless he was a holidaymaker.

Grey rock. Any attention feeds narcissistic supply

@ZairWazAnOldLady
Sorry- that didn't come over very well.
I guess I thought you were comparing the very visceral feelings I have when coming across these men to the mild annoyance at a slow supermarket shopper.

@pues the situations were opposite ends of a scale but my objection to the jarring appearance of a performance dress up, is that it interrupts my day. It’s obviously worse if it also offends (which this would most people).

We have had several years of governments, international bodies, the NHS, schools, universities, NGOs, the judiciary all pushing the message that transwomen are marginalised and we must be kind.

This has created a situation that is not just tolerant of fetishism but actively promotes it.

We can expect to see a lot more of this.

As many paraphilias depend on pushback (any fetish predicated on non consensual participation, which includes flashingand exhibitionism) then we can also expect escalation. If a person isn't getting the shock response they crave they will have to further push boundaries.

So true.

What makes you think all rapists are flashers? Or exhibitors of fetishes outside in public. The majority of rapists are hidden, and keep themselves hidden by oppressing their victims. The majority of rapists are family members or friends, not people on the streets making spectacles of themselves.

For those who don't comprehend the link a simple google of "link between flashing and rape" will give you lots of evidence there is a clear link

You're seriously blaming his wife? First rule of misogyny- women are responsible for what men do.

Do you blame all of us trans widows for our ex's behaviour?

His wife being there makes it less likely he'll be called out. She's a prop.

There was a guy in South London who died a couple of years ago called the Clapham Tranny. Everyone thought he was great - eccentric, local colour, wear what you want etc.

But he started wearing short skirts and ended up wearing a thong. I was walking up the hill in the park with small children. CT was in front of us. My kids were asking me why they man wasn't wearing clothes and I didn't know what to say. Because he's a fucking pervert?

There are some posts on a site called nappy valley where people are concerned about a nearly naked man near the school. They are shouted down because this is just the Clapham Tranny! nappyvalleynet.com/community/viewtopic.php?f=46&t=90717

But his Twitter gives you an idea of who he was

twitter.com/clapham_tranny

On the subject of what to do. I read somewhere if you witness someone being abused or harassed the best thing to do is basics be with the victim and not engage the offender. So sit next to them on the bus/train/cafe and engage in light conversation. Compliment them, but genuinely.

So taking that I wonder if the correct response would be to stop them and offer the wife a compliment? Something along the lines of ‘I love your scarf, can I ask where it’s from?’ Or ‘I’m looking for a new hairdresser and you have great curls - can I ask where you get yours done?’ You know. A fairly normal female interaction that gives her a boost and a sense of value beyond her ability to be kind, even if it is very superficial, and gives him no oxygen.

I am not blaming his wife for his behaviour. I am blaming her for being a prop in a sexual fetish which involves him flashing his underwear at CHILDREN!!

She is facilitating his sexual deviancy. I have zero sympathy for her. Or are you suggesting she is not an adult woman with autonomy able to make decisions for herself?

whatever lies he has told her, however much ‘be kind’ messaging there is, taking part in a fetish which means a bloke getting his rocks off at the thought of children seeing his underwear is where my sympathy stops.

I was about to refer to the CPS guidance too.

As for the person in the office wearing a dress that shows his penis, of course you can say something. It is inappropriate for the workplace.

Yes, this was also made clear in the Sarah Everard case.

She is facilitating his sexual deviancy. I have zero sympathy for her. Or are you suggesting she is not an adult woman with autonomy able to make decisions for herself?

So, you don't have the first idea of what a coercive, controlling, abusive relationship dynamic is like, then.

For real?? 🤣

You need to learn more about trans widows and about coercive control, OP. You should also understand that if she protests she risks being accused of domestic abuse.

We had a dirty old bloke like this on a public bus when we were in Florence of all places. He was wearing stockings suspenders a rara Mini skirt and had a full beard and flowers in his hair. He sat right in the middle of the bus where there was an open space with his legs wide open flashing all the women who were looking at each other for support in disgust. Nobody dared to say a thing.

Maybe help us understand then.

So all trans widows are tethered to these men forever more, unable to speak, leave or have any sort of autonomy of their own?

TinselAngel’s website has some moving testimonies which provide insight into how the coercion works. https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/