Is anyone else finding being gender critical has affected their mental health?

[BluebellBlueballs]

Maybe I need to take a step back but that feels like capitulation.
I just feel I am being persecuted for my beliefs.
Two people in my life one a sibling one a friend, both men, have washed their hands of me completely after finding out I joined women's gender critical networks.

Told I'm in a hate group etc.

I used to be quite open about being GC because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I guess I thought of it as like joining extinction rebellion or something, OK some people don't want it forced down their throats but no need to lie or hide my activities. But it's not like that at all.

I've had a sort of mh crisis over being cut off by people close to me, and others not so close to me, for having what I see as a difference of an opinion over TWAW. But I'm being made to feel like I've joined the ku klux klan.

Sometimes I wonder if its worth it any more but that's how this movement seems to operate, by shaming the heretics into silence.

Can anyone relate?

Did you ever see the interview that a black female intersectional feminist did with Rachel Dolezal?

Fascinating. The loathing the feminist had for Dolezal was palpable, ABSOLUTELY NO WHITE PERSON could ID as black, ZERO POSSIBILITY they could experience what it is to be black, to be descended from slavery etc.

But she has NO PROBLEM with a man identifying as a woman, here misogynist male supremacist attitudes have informed the miserable life experiences of natal women AND men who identify as women.

And so, trans racialism not permitted, but transgenderism very much is.

There have been times when I have seriously thought of setting up some kind of religious order, to be free of the risk of 'men who say they are women' coming anywhere near me, especially now I'm getting on a bit and being treated for medical problems. Religious orders seem to be be pretty bullet-proof in terms of EA2010 Exceptions?

I'm OK with male doctors and HCPs, and I'm OK with male rabbis / priests; but what I'm really not OK with are 'men who say they are women' wanting me, my body and my mind as a prop. And I don't need female practitioners collaborating in this crap. It's exhausting.

But gender critical beliefs are protected under the Equality Act too!

Maya Forstater was just awarded over £100k by an employment tribunal for the discrimination she suffered as a result of her gender critical beliefs.

And remember that the protection of philosophical and religious beliefs under the Equality Act extend to a lack of any of those beliefs, so you're protected from discrimination for having a lack of belief in gender ideology too.

In the context of what @NegevNights says, I should add that of course I recognise that there IS an immediate concrete impact in those senses & in so many others relating to women's rights (&, of course, it doesn't get much more literally concrete than the ramifications for children & teens).

I think what I mean is just that blissful ignorance/denial seems viable to so many people in part because it feels safer that way - physically less threatening, emotionally less distressing, mentally less disorientating. But the harm is there, even if you feel able or determined to close your eyes to it. And I won't. Which, yes, OP, can be very difficult.

For me, the hardest lesson has been how susceptible people are to authoritarian thinking, & how easily women are being othered & dismissed. To watch this happening actually in the name of granting rights to another group, under the guise proud progressiveness - & that not only is that irony not perceived, but our concerns are actively framed as bigotry - has been, frankly, a terrifying revelation. I really mean that. It's scary as heck.

And so, too, how vulnerable our hard-won rights seem to be.

@NegevNights I know we compare the TRAs to a religion and there are some similarities. But this ideology is like religion sans the good bits.

Like forgiveness, compassion, redemption. I get the JWs coming round and we disagree on pretty much everything. But they never tried to get me fired. Or told my friends I am a bigot.

Being GC isn't having a negative effect on your mental health any more than you knowing the earth isn't flat or that things stick to it because of gravity. Its other people's bullying that is the problem.
But if you know something is untrue, or even wrong and harmful, going along with it would also have a negative effect on your mental health. You'd feel like you were 'undercover', and live in constant fear of being found out.

It's the NHS's 'Annexe B' I'm afraid of, @LonginesPrime (I think you are a wonderful poster btw).

When I have the energy, I will challenge it.

I dont think being GC is what effects my mental health, its seeing the rampant misogyny that is so embedded in our society that I find devastating. Once you see it, you see it everywhere, in everything. The trans male privileges movement is just one aspect of that. And so many women, particularly younger ones are completely in its thrall, its most ardent defenders in some cases. But I live my life on my own terms entirely, with only myself to answer to, so in that sense my mental health is protected.

@Catiette

For me, the hardest lesson has been how susceptible people are to authoritarian thinking, & how easily women are being othered & dismissed. To watch this happening actually in the name of granting rights to another group, under the guise proud progressiveness - & that not only is that irony not perceived, but our concerns are actively framed as bigotry - has been, frankly, a terrifying revelation. I really mean that. It's scary as heck.

And so, too, how vulnerable our hard-won rights seem to be.

This, linked with what @LightlySearedontheRealityGrill says about the very visible misogyny now, especially online, but also in the way being female is erased except in pornography, sex work, and surrogacy, is what has made me depressed and despondent and very very frightened.

But I am also worried, more widely, about the arrival of a new Age of Endarkenment where logic, critical thought, open courteous debate and even the belief in any commonly accepted set of facts are getting increasingly rare.

This is linked to the destruction of agreed definitions in language and also driven by it, but it's something wider and more diffuse than that, and makes conversations with those who have opposite views nearly impossible. It's not coming from only one political camp, either, as far as I can tell.

If I think about it too much, I find it genuinely terrifying that we're in a society that now permits young masked males to scream abuse at middle aged women for meeting.

I find it mind blowing that to say 'you can't change sex' is in any way controversial.

I found it appalling that our institutions - the police, schools, NHS swallow the lie and will positively take action which has the potential to seriously harm harm women and children.

I find it abhorrent that big pharma are making a fortune from experimenting on young children and feeding babies chemical secretions from male breasts and it's celebrated.

Just because you know clothes are just cloth, makeup us face paint and sex can't be changed.

I genuinely wish I could suspend my disbelief & get on the TWAW train but it just will not compute. On any level.

Thank you for this thread OP and everyone's insightful comments.

I agree that this issue has affected my mental health, mostly in that it is so bloody worrying about what may become of our children. What kind of world will they live in, especially our daughters.

We have to be optimistic or else we would sink deeper.

I think it's a great idea to join a local women's group but I have not been able to find one. When I googled it, of course The Women's Institute came up - the irony.

And yes to someone upthread saying that somehow it is now apparently perfectly fine for a group of masked men in black to harass and threaten a group of peaceful women - it's just so dystopian.

We could start Salons (not hair studios, I mean a la Bloomsbury Group!). Where you open your sitting room up for conversation with like-minded women. No-one can dictate who we have in our own homes.

We rebuild from the ground up again.

Sorry, I think I'm going quite mad now, Ted.

Pretty similar here. I'm hanging on to my relationship with my son, but we're under pressure from ideologues who are both too fragile to cope with anyone disagreeing and too self-righteous to cope with anyone disagreeing ... My mental health is not great; I'm obsessed with trans stuff and in danger of getting far too angry.

Hugs to you, or flowers or whatever you would prefer, and I hope your situation improves.

I’m not sure about my mental health but certainly my blood pressure and heart rate are regularly raised in anger and frustration.
when people like Ash Sarker say stuff like ‘why do you have a problem with unisex toilets, you have one in your house’ or when people say excluding TWs from single sex spaces is the same as segregation of black women I regularly want to smash things up.
my kids often notice and ask why I have an angry face or why am I marching around the kitchen….

This from Chamomileteaplease:
"so bloody worrying about what may become of our children. What kind of world will they live in, especially our daughters".

It's the capture of schools, abandoning political impartiality and allowing some of the most unsuitable people in the world to influence policy that keeps me awake at night. The open gaslighting of children to believe that they could be born in the wrong body, watching them believing that mutilating their healthy bodies & taking drugs to halt the development of their minds and bodies is a future for them. And to know that this is pushed by so many who I once considered to be kind ethical people. Sigh.

Catiette's advice is important. Step away and take breaks regularly for our own sanity.

👆 what @Catiette says
It is fundamental to women having a voice or not

I got too angry leading up to a particular low day about 12 months ago. It was cathartic, the news story was beyond preposterous and triggering to the max. I decided to try and find a therapy solution, and for me it's been invaluable.

I liken it to beravement. Sorry if people out there have lost and this seems trite. But there are some parallels.

Or maybe more like losing a lifelong friend or soulmate. Even moreso if there's nothing you can do.

You'll never get over losing a super close individual, the bonds are too tight. But you also have to come out the other end.

For me, realising I have zero influence on the direction of society, but also society can't make me submit to untruths and immature thinking, has been my salvation.

It's a lovely idea. Just talking, sharing and being together with other women.
Mind you, recently a group of women did this in order to reclaim their women's group from the intrusion of men claiming to be women. Unbelievably these men turned up outside one woman's house and called the police, demanding entry. Fortunately the police were great and told them to get lost.

But yes, these women are rebuilding from the ground up - as so many of us are.

@BluebellBlueballs falling out with your brother is really tough. Is there a chance that the ladymen issue is a cover for something more personal between you two?

Family breakdown is awful. I hope you and your brother can come to some sort of rapprochement.

More generally, the vast majority of people know that you can't change sex. I am starting to try and have conversations with people about it. So far I've had one humongous row, but been relieved by the number of others who are also realists.

All of that.

Thank you for everyone's kind words. I am going through a very sad time in my life due to this, and I am having professional counselling which is helping but it still hurts more than I can sometimes bear to be excommunicated by people who I thought loved me for 'thoughtcrime' .

As I said up thread, the plus side is I am beginning to make friends through the womens networks I've joined, possibly no one I could ring up and say hey lets go for a drink, but there are enough social events that I probably don't need to do that anyway and when I do turn up at these there are a few familiar and friendly faces to say hello.

Of course, it's not the same as an old old friend known for many years, or a family member and I never realised that I would have to sacrifice one for the other. but it is of some comfort to get me through these times and I don't see hatred in these women, no one wants trans people to suffer. We just want them to give us the same respect that they demand from us.

I feel it as well. It's really affected my relationship with both my DD . I really worry for myn and my daughter's safety and life as women. We raised them to understand how important women's rights are but to also be supportive of other people choices.They are not trans but seem to be so accepting of it and have the opinion that I am repressing people's freedom to live and identify as they wish and they have the attitude of " it won't affect women don't be stupid"!( are they fucking kidding ) . Even my DH told them they are woke and are acting really blind to it all and that even he seems to care more about womens rights than them . I very rarely see my DD now and it is very uncomfortable when I talk to them . I never thought that this fucked up ideology would affect my relationship with my DD.

Such a good idea , who'd of thought we as women would have to go underground .

If we called it The Underground or The Resistance, it might shame a few Labour MPs into realising what they have done.

But yes, who would have thought it?

I own my own home, so the MRAs cannot take it off me. There is no Council or HA or mortgagee for the babba-terrorists to go whingeing to. I can have whomsoever I like in my home, to say what they like.

Yes, it’s dystopian and Orwellian - the capture of so many intelligent people and respectable organisations, and the endless bloody gaslighting. Men will never be women, and they sure as hell aren’t mothers. Women will never be men. People are free to be as gender non-conforming as they like and that’s fantastic. I’m all for smashing gender stereotypes, they’re stifling and outdated. However, reality cannot be denied. The Earth is still round, even if it identifies as flat.

I worry about children being brainwashed by gender ideology, and I fear women and their achievements are being erased. That’s before getting into the issues of women’s safety, dignity and privacy being eroded by being forced to accept males into female toilets, changing rooms, prisons, domestic violence refuges and rape crisis centres.

Unfortunately I can’t talk to my OH about any of this, and that’s draining. I have “come out” but we’ve agreed to disagree.

Short of taking a break from it all, I would like to see some sunlight threads showing the tide is turning as it can get very demoralising surfing the FWR forum. And as a GC woman who generally wants to be nice to people, it is a strain to have to keep checking in with myself and asking am I the baddie here?