Is anyone else finding being gender critical has affected their mental health?

[BluebellBlueballs]

Maybe I need to take a step back but that feels like capitulation.
I just feel I am being persecuted for my beliefs.
Two people in my life one a sibling one a friend, both men, have washed their hands of me completely after finding out I joined women's gender critical networks.

Told I'm in a hate group etc.

I used to be quite open about being GC because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I guess I thought of it as like joining extinction rebellion or something, OK some people don't want it forced down their throats but no need to lie or hide my activities. But it's not like that at all.

I've had a sort of mh crisis over being cut off by people close to me, and others not so close to me, for having what I see as a difference of an opinion over TWAW. But I'm being made to feel like I've joined the ku klux klan.

Sometimes I wonder if its worth it any more but that's how this movement seems to operate, by shaming the heretics into silence.

Can anyone relate?

"Gender critical" movement has a bad name?
Like the "Earth is not flat" movement has a bad name.
And the "Believe in free speech" movement has a bad name.
Maybe amongst flat Earthers and anti-democrats. And those denying biology.

I agree with the pp that the Internet is a weird place: in real life I probably know maybe 2 people personally who are gender ideologues. Everyone else I know is outright gender critical or upon questioning hold gender critical views even if they don't realise it e.g. no trans women in men's sports, lesbians/gay men shouldn't be pressured into dating trans women/men etc. I also have a sneaky suspicion that one of the gender ideologues I know actually is gender critical but is heavily entrenched in groups that have fully embraced gender ideology and dare not be shunned by them.

If this wasn't the car win my personal experience, I think the cognitive dissonance experienced in accepting gender ideology would affect my mental health more.

It's certainly affected my mental health. I first came across the full madness just before the last general election, when that Jo Swinson was shouting 'TWAW!' all the time so I started looking into what was going on and felt like I was suddenly caught in a living nightmare. Someone very close to me, a gay man, put it like this: 'Its a horrible power TRAs have been given by authority for some unspeakable reason - and they know it and want to push everyone to the edge of their tolerance for what they know is filth...the way women are criminalised for 'upsetting' these sadists is what I find most scary of all - the enabling and encouraging of abuse by the very powers that are supposed to stop it'. Well said.

Then a male friend of 40+ years told me one day that he thinks he understands what's behind the rise in the ideology. He told me in all seriousness that 'It's in your head, it's in your heart, it's what you wear'. Really?! It's what you wear?!!! His new wife thinks that it's fine and dandy for men to compete against women, because TWAW, and he's going along with her. He sneered when I spoke of women's need for safety and dignity. I used to have a lot of respect for this man and we had a lot of water under the bridge together, but now realise that he's weak, a follower who will do whatever is necessary to live a comfortable life, while never feeling the impact of what is being done to women. He doesn't even have to think about it as it doesn't affect him. I feel bitter about it and regret that things have turned out this way, but I shan't be contacting him again. He can polish his halo in peace.

Saying that, I'm making new friends with the sane people out there, women who believe that we deserve our own spaces away from males.

Two people in my life one a sibling one a friend, both men, have washed their hands of me completely after finding out I joined women's gender critical networks.

i know it's completely unhelpful, but sadly a man cutting a woman off for wanting sex-based rights, sounds a lot like hate. Germaine Greer comes to mind.

Germaine Greer is spot on there. I really didn't realise, well I did as a child in the 70s but thought somehow we'd moved on. Now I see it, a lot of men really hate women. But there are also a lot of men who don't.

Any ideas how to find out why a post gets deleted? My last one here has, and I have absolutely no idea.

@RealityFan You can report the deletion and ask why in your report message. I've done that before and got an answer.

I think I was quite naughty, and have been put right. It's like Mumsnet is my...mum.

Yes, yes, dreadfully so. Helen Lewis put it well a few weeks ago when she said something like, she thought she knew who her tribe were; then she realised she didn't have one. I thought I was, you know, emotionally safe with left-leaning, environmentally-aware people; they mightn't agree with me on every point but they'd be inclined to think of me as a fellow-traveller.
Then I found out I was .. anathema, a heretic, a witch. I didn't care about the threats and the insults but being damned by those I thought were my friends, being expected to make a public statement of adherence to a philosophy I can't share, seeing people like me vilified - all that's hit me really hard.
Last year I was upset because my work had decreed that everyone ought to put their pronouns in their signature, with a cutesy little piece about how good we were to do so. I grumbled about this online and got hit with a disciplinary interview. Then my work sent me to a "counsellor". He told me how personally difficult it was for him to deal with someone like me and advised me to keep my opinions to myself because, "taking on [my employer] wouldn't really work". I toyed with the idea of complaining about him but I was just too crushed to do so. Wankers, the lot of them.

That's appalling. Sounds like workplace bullying and also illegal.

Even if you don't want to take any action, you might find it helpful to take some advice from Sex Matters or one of the other organisations that have evolved to tackle workplace bullying like this? Many workers are finding that organisations suddenly reverse ferret at speed whn they realise that illegally harassing staff for expressing perfectly legal views can end up costing them considerably.
I do hope that things are a bit easier for you now?

Thanks @MrsOvertonsWindow . I'm kind of making it sound worse than it was. I got hit with a disciplinary interview not for being GC per se, but by being rude about my employer online; in my naivety I hadn't realised they can track you down under a pseudonym. My own managers were on my side.
As for the counsellor, I almost felt sorry for him. He'd been trained to think that trans people were sad because of nasty people who didn't "accept them to be who they are" and he didn't know how to deal with a real live bogeyman on his caseload.
He did me a bit of a favour. His only therapeutic advice seemed to be "Learn to accept the things you can't change." I used to think that was a fair maxim. Now I realise that the bad things of the world aren't so easily divisible into the mutable and the immutable. If you want to change anything at all (even your socks) it takes a certain amount of effort; there are some changes, like combating bullshit and misogyny, which cost an awful lot of effort, time and emotional pain. The question is not whether they can be changed, but whether the effort is worth it, to you, given whatever else might be going on in your life and other battles you might be fighting. Recognising this really helped.

'Germaine Greer is spot on there. I really didn't realise, well I did as a child in the 70s but thought somehow we'd moved on. Now I see it, a lot of men really hate women. But there are also a lot of men who don't'

Sorry if I repeated this technology is not my thing! This statement is a perfect example of why women remain so oppressed - no matter what their argument, it has to come with a disclaimer that it doesn't include all men. Surely the real issue is not that there are men who don't hate women, but that there are any men who do. Why is this not a pressing issue? Why is it acceptable that any men hate women - and why doesn't anyone question why that is? Women are HALF THE HUMAN POPULATION - globally oppressed despite their cultural differences! Why doesn't anyone question why that is???

Reply

It's not being 'gender critical' that affects your mental health, it's the stress of the mental gymnastics required by women to exist and pretend the men in their lives care about them as equals, because to confront their reality would require uncomfortable changes

Yes, exactly this. It is very wearying to realise that many, too many, of my fellow human beings do not regard me as fully human.

Don't be wearied - be empowered. Stop wasting your energy on those who don't deserve it, and turn your attention to those who do