Is anyone else finding being gender critical has affected their mental health?

[BluebellBlueballs]

Maybe I need to take a step back but that feels like capitulation.
I just feel I am being persecuted for my beliefs.
Two people in my life one a sibling one a friend, both men, have washed their hands of me completely after finding out I joined women's gender critical networks.

Told I'm in a hate group etc.

I used to be quite open about being GC because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I guess I thought of it as like joining extinction rebellion or something, OK some people don't want it forced down their throats but no need to lie or hide my activities. But it's not like that at all.

I've had a sort of mh crisis over being cut off by people close to me, and others not so close to me, for having what I see as a difference of an opinion over TWAW. But I'm being made to feel like I've joined the ku klux klan.

Sometimes I wonder if its worth it any more but that's how this movement seems to operate, by shaming the heretics into silence.

Can anyone relate?

Perfectly put. 👏🏻💐

Well, the kind of "evidence" people have given me is that my lack of an inner sense of gender is proof that I have one(!) and that it must be so perfectly aligned with my biological sex, which is why I never notice it. This seems to be a the predominant view of non-trans people who identify themselves (and me) as "cis", and, from what I can work out seems to be what many people in my circles are basing their belief that they have a "cis gender identity" on.

I've also had trans people tell me that my lack of gender identity makes me "cis" as I'm so privileged I've never had to consider my gender identity as distinct from my body.

And then I've had trans gender ideologues tell me that my lack of an inner sense of gender identity definitely means that I'm agender.

And then I've had some non-binary people tell me that they, too, have a lack of an inner sense of gender identity and that it's clear to them that I'm non-binary.

So I'm not sure that talking things through with gender ideologues actually makes what they believe any clearer!

Have I got this right NegevNights ? An NHS psychotherapist cut short your treatment as a patient with cancer because she wants you to accept the rights of men to invade your lesbian daughter's spaces? ?

Unbelievable that these people believe themselves to be "on the right side of history" while displaying the insight and empathy of Pol Pot. 😡

I’ve lost a friend of 25 years because I said I agreed with JKR’s first tweet. I was shocked how someone who knows me well over 25 years could just cut me off with zero discussion. Now I’m really cautious with friends and family. If they bring it up and their stance is twaw I’ll say what I think but in really vague terms like “I don’t really agree with that” but I avoid getting into any sort of debate. It’s a bit cowardly but I find it excruciatingly difficult to make friends and I just can’t afford to lose the few that I’ve got. I’d like to think that most of my friends and family would be happy to agree to disagree but this ideology seems to affect people in such an extreme way that it’s hard to know for certain until it’s too late.

That’s awful! I think if you feel up to it, you should put in a complaint about the NHS psychotherapist who discriminated against you for a protected belief that was expressed in fucking therapy, for god’s sake. And get a copy of your patient notes with the justification that she used for cutting short your sessions. The NGS employ someone who thinks if you believe men aren’t women you need an “acceptance” intervention.

But since you are having treatment for cancer you most likely have enough on your plate. I’m sorry you were treated that way. Good luck with your treatment. 🌸💐

👆should say The NHS shouldn’t employ someone…

"NegevNights" that's terrible and although it makes sense that you'd never want to see then again, I would still complain as it sounds on the face of it like a clear breach of the Equality Act and for the NHS one, breach of their public sector equality duty.

They shouldn't be discriminating against you on the basis of your beliefs (per Forstater) - I would at least expect an apology and to be allocated a different 1:1 therapist. That's really awful and they should be supporting you, not discriminating against you. Jesus.

My God, this is beyond disappointing. Thankfully my CBT has been judgement free, and wholly supportive, practical and beneficial.
I would say don't give up, and seek a better experience. But if you've been burnt, maybe that won't happen.
I don't think I've seen a bigger example of group think/herd mentality/purity spirals in my lifetime, and after the toxic experience that has been Brexit since 2016, that's really saying something.

Thanks, all. Luckily my prognosis is very good.

I've been to hell and back over the past year. My own child wants nothing to do with me because I don't agree that he is a woman and should therefore be accepted in all female spaces.

It's not a choice for me, I simply can't believe no matter how hard I try. There is no compromise with these people. You just have to let them go. It's very difficult.

I am so, so sorry. Is he young? I had phases of not talking to my father when I was younger, sometimes for a year or more - I always managed to find something, usually based in religion or politics and what I saw as his implacably dreadful views about a tonne of stuff.

I finally grew up in the late 1990s and we agreed to disagree on everything.

Yes I understand, Op and sending you much love and sympathy. Myself and my DH stick together with this as we have lost friends of many years because of this and are quite isolated because we could lose our jobs as well.(Captured public organisations). We are also in our social lives, in bands and without a doubt, have lost gigs and musical opportunities (I'm Scottish and have essentially been "blacklisted" from the scene so to speak because of my views). I do get down the more I read about much men hate us women. I think that is what I have taken from this horrible theory and movement. It makes me terrified for my children , especially my daughter. I have to take breaks from it often. Sometimes ,I go mad and go on a secret stickering session!😂 I think it is important to have breaks away from it all though . The likes of LOJ are so vile and nasty and seeing good women being vilified is horrible. So take breaks and come back to it ,fighting back stronger. Much love to you. You are not alone. There are so many good women with you.

Who would ever have guessed that one isolated forum board, ie MN, would be the only real outlet for pro science pro reality pro human and humanist views?

If you'd have told me that after the 70s as I broke the surface from the depths of religion to join the "real world" of science and logic based reality, entered the 90s where championing free speech was a badge of honour, the 00s where Billy Elliott represented the victory of gender non conforming individuals as accepted and celebrated, and a decade ago where equal marriage legislation was the apogee of the civil rights struggles from the 60s...to a decade later today, where we're reverting back to (neo) religious ways of thinking, gender non conforming is now gender stereotypes with impolite societal acceptance of irreversible changes, and gays at the height of victory of liberty over prejudice to not 5 minutes later be made invisible again...I would have said you were off your trolley...surely the likes of the left parties, the writers and artists, the philosophers and historians, the scientists and doctors, the journalists and ethicists, would not have given ground for even a moment.

And so here we are on MN, huddling around like we're the outliers, the revolutionaries, the aliens, the prejudiced, the illogicals, the anti humans.

What a world!

It makes me sad to live in a world where its predominantly women being told to stfu if they don't agree with the new world order.

I think it's a form of woke totalitarianism and power tripping on a false sense of moral superior its.

Both the men who cut me off are not trans or gay themselves and have done no campaigning for transgender rights that I know of. A part of me is not sure if they really do care so much about the trans community as they say, but it's just an excuse for plain old misogyny and to put a woman in their place.

@NegevNights he's 23 and totally captured by this ideology. His housemates and partner are all trans. They all met at university and now live in a bubble.

Universities are prime recruitment places where it must be very difficult to be GC. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have encouraged him to go straight into work and skip uni entirely.

I think it's not so much the beliefs but people's reactions in your case.

If I'd had what you'd had it would affect my MH too. Sorry you've had that OP, let's hope things get better.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you look online there are tens of thousands of people looking in horror at the transitioning of children with all the psychological and health damage this causes and aghast at what's happening with women's sport, drag queens and toddlers etc. - hundreds of thousands, probably millions.

How this will pan out in the long run I have no idea but the tide is turning and we're really not alone.

Fortunately all of my friends are horrified by what is going on and are supportive and most of my DH’s family (I don’t have any immediate family), with the exception of one well meaning but completely “be kind” aunt who I avoid.

However, it still has taken a great personal toll. I don’t trust people the way I used to. I do as much as I can in the background, and often that means getting exceptionally patronising and condescending email responses which wears you down. I have to distance myself from it all, otherwise I would probably break.

I did a stint with a therapist but after a while realised I didn’t want to talk about it in therapy- it didn’t solve anything, it didn’t give me better coping mechanisms or whatever. I have found going to the gym is a much better answer (and I have NEVER been a gym person!)

FWIW, I find it helps to put boundaries around when I engage with these issues, &, specifically, this forum! My posting history probably reflects that I aim to stay entirely off it for about 2/3 of the week, then spend a weekend day or two catching up. It creates a nice rhythm to the week, as I do enjoy the browsing & thought-provoking arguments. But it also means that that uncomfortable angry consciousness of what's going on is lifted for the majority of the week - & that when I do engage, I'm able do so properly, with time & mental space to process what I'm reading, to mitigate it by going for walks & seeing friends & also to, increasingly, combine it with some small piece of action (eg. sending a letter) so my weekly update becomes a teeny-tinily concrete & worthwhile engagement - as opposed to just doom-scrolling! 😂

Why is it OK to pretend to be a woman but its not OK to pretend to be black.

I think gender ideologists are basically in a hate group. Becoming properly aware of another hate group, and the damage they're doing to oppressed women is depressing. Especially when you find that friends who you thought were genuinely open minded, liberal and caring are basically happy to throw women's rights down the pan.

My weekly offline > FWR-catch-up-treat has also helped me to realise why some people seem so surprised by, ignorant of or indifferent to what's happening. I took a 6-week break from it all recently, &, as it faded into the background, felt how very easy it would be just to carry on in blissful ignorance myself by never returning to the debate.

And this did lead me to wonder, Am I actually justified in being so concerned? Is it such a big deal after all? I mean, these issues aren't impacting on me in any immediate or concretely meaningful way when I don't seek them out...

But then I realised that, for me, this is analogous to women's enfranchisement: when we didn't have the vote, day-to-day life trundled on as usual, too. We didn't feel any different, act any differently, labour under tangible minute-by-minute harms per se, did we? (I mean, we did, in ways, obviously, but you know what I mean: being disenfranchised was background noise, or the water we swam in). But would anyone now dare to say that not having the vote "wasn't a big deal", or "it's not hurting you, so why are you bothered"? The vote was - is - utterly fundamental, but in an abstract, intellectual way some couldn't access, others couldn't afford to engage with (time, money, security, whatever), & many found too troubling to access (if that doesn't sound a bit arrogant).

I've actually found this quite a useful way to explain to people why I care about it so deeply.

Because accepting that those two things are equivalent would prevent men from doing what they want.