As I said up thread this is one of the things said to me that's always boiled my piss most.
The false equivalence of it emotionally blackmails, it shows a deep lack of understanding of the issues and pattern of behaviour and yes it's utterly disrespectful to both women and gay people.
It's ALWAYS said by people outside a family unit. Experiencing it within the family unit is completely different and the pressures it creates often don't get seen even by close friends.
One of the key things is it gets caught up with your own identity issues and identity formation.
Identity forms not just as a individual thing but also as a collective thing. You are the only daughter in a family or the second born child who grew up with an older brother or you gave birth to a boy and a girl. Our socialisation places certain experiences upon us because of that whether we like it or not. You relate to other people outside the family unit on that basis. That's why people ask you in polite conservative with you have any brothers or sisters and your birth order - to share a life experience. Our identity formation as a child is one of our most crucial and forms the foundation of our stability throughout life. Any major life disruptions to our formative family unit have an impact.
Coming out as gay simply doesn't have that same impact. It might change some expectations of nieces / nephews / grandchildren. But it doesn't fundamentally change the person or the relationship.
When someone becomes trans it's a lot more complex. It affects the relational identity of others closest to them. You have to navigate the minefield of your own personal history and how your identity has formed versus the emotional and political baggage of someone else. Do you answer you have a brother or sister? When someone asks you this they are looking for things in common in life experience. If you answer on the basis of your childhood experience do you betray the gender woo but enable yourself to relate to the other person or do you follow the lie but then inhibit your own ability to relate. Or if you are the second child and only daughter and you then become the second daughter how does that impact your sibling relationship/ rivalry?
Or if they present as a woman, and dress in similar clothes to you how does that affect your own self esteem. Unlike anyone else you LOOK alike? It is like looking into a warped mirror and it felt deeply disrespectful and as if they were aping you in mock in a way that a close relation won't get (I believe that transwidows often feel that they are being copied and constantly observed too in a similar thing - but it's slightly different as there isn't the biological element).
And then they are asking you to behave differently to them and treat them 'like a woman'. This is an explicit rejection of your previous relationship with them and saying they are a different person (even though everyone says they are the same person).
And it comes with the emotional abuse to not get it wrong. Ever. Because the burden of validation is put on you more than anyone else. You are asked to put all your feelings aside and comply unconditionally. It's almost an extreme pushing of boundaries and the sibling relationship which affects the balance of power. You are no longer equals because you have to 'be kind' whilst they are given a free pass to be a twat to everyone close to them because they are going through such a big life change. Ignoring the life change to family members...
It is NOT like being gay and I find it incredibly offensive when people suggest it now. It's ignorant.