The gender boxes suck. And though they suck worse for women, men are harmed by the man box too. I understand that desire to escape the stereotypes and expectations.
The problem is that letting some people switch boxes doesn't solve the problem and creates a whole heap of new ones.
Even if you could get society to pretend it was sex blind (which is impossible) you'd end up with a society where some people don't have their careers impacted by pregnancy, some people commit almost all the sexual assault, some people win all the medals. The sexism would still be there but we'd lose the language to talk about it and try to redress it.
Sex matters in situations where our sexed bodies are important - healthcare, sports, intimate spaces.
You are absolutely right that it doesn't need to dictate our interests, fashion, careers, personalities, hairstyles etc.
Why would you order the physical stuff like sports/prisons/hospital care based on gender rather than sex? If sex doesn't matter, why split men/women at all?
Would you split them based on religion? On star sign? By Hogwarts House? I'm assuming not because it isn't salient (though now wondering if Glasgow prisons separate prisoners by football teams). Well what aspects of the gender box of women are salient to those things either?
I don't wear make up, dresses, skirts, heels, handbags. I've never paid for a manicure, pedicure or other beauty treatment. I've not been to a spa day. Does that make me less a woman than those who do? Am I stunning and brave for breaking out of the gender box?
Anyway that was my response to your details about what a woman is. I'm with you on rigid gender stereotypes being unfair, but that's why I don't think it makes sense to built society upon them or to pretend that sex isn't real.
The questions that came to mind when I was reading through your thread were:
Do you understand that whilst trans adults may have experienced cross sex identification as children, that this phenomena isn't unique to trans people? That lots of children and adolescents have that experience and go on to be comfortable with their sex as adults. Not all of them but most of them. It's actually a better predictor of being gay than trans. And that was before the rapid increase in trans-identifying young people.
I'm deeply concerned that as a society we're telling these kids that having those feelings means they are trans and steering them down a path of permanent body modification and the loss of their fertility and sexual function before they are fully mature.
Even for the kids that genuinely would grow up to be trans adults, I'm deeply concerned that far from helping them, the treatments they are being offered are experimental and have serious effects on their long term health. First do no harm.
I think one of the big things that moved me from "this doesn't make any sense to me personally but I should be kind" to strongly GC was realising from learning more about the history of sex reassignment and listening to detransistioners, that the medical professionals that I had vaguely assumed knew what they were doing, in fact do not know what they are doing.
There is a massive black hole of where you'd expect scientific research, clinical evidence, and ethics committees would sit. The gender psychologists are ignoring other mental health concerns and passing the buck to endocrinologists and surgeons who are not taking responsibility for the clinical consequences of their actions and no one seems to be looking after the actual physical and mental health of trans identifying people. It is a medical scandal and trans people are being badly served by organisations who claim to care about them from Stonewall and the NHS down.
Then you have the issue of people simultaneously claiming trans is not something that needs to be diagnosed by anyone but the individual AND also that it needs immediate affirming healthcare on the NHS.