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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Young adults who identify as asexual feel excluded from the wider LGBTQ community

365 replies

IwantToRetire · 07/04/2023 01:03

From a survey of 3,695 young adults aged 18-25 27% said they “rarely or never” feel a part of the LGBTQ community. Aside from those who said they were questioning their sexual or gender identity, asexual people were most likely to say this.

18% said they “rarely” felt included and 9% said they “never” felt included.

30% of asexual young adults said they “always” feel included and 30% said they “sometimes” feel included.

39% of asexual people of colour said they rarely or never felt part of the LGBT+ community, compared to 24% of white asexual young people.

It’s also estimated that between 0.44-1 percent (295,768 to 672,200) of the UK population identifies as asexual.

The data paints a disappointing picture that suggests a significant portion of young adults identifying as asexual don’t always feel like they’re a part of the LGBTQ community.

“I hope that this research makes clear the need for greater awareness of the lived experiences and realities of asexual people, especially as we can see a wider pattern here of LGBT+ people of colour feeling excluded from our community.”

https://www.attitude.co.uk/news/a-quarter-of-asexual-young-adults-feel-excluded-from-lgbtq-community-430087/

OP posts:
matis · 07/04/2023 13:52

They really aren't.

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 13:55

matis · 07/04/2023 13:52

They really aren't.

we will have to agree to disagree there.

I have listened to thousands of teenagers for decades

ReadersD1gest · 07/04/2023 13:57

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 13:55

we will have to agree to disagree there.

I have listened to thousands of teenagers for decades

Show quote history

Maybe you need to stop earwigging, particularly when you don't like what you're hearing 🙄

EndlessTea · 07/04/2023 13:59

Why not talk about was does interest you? Or is it a more generalised apathy, where you have no enthusiasm for anything?

ReadersD1gest · 07/04/2023 14:02

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 13:36

ok but look at my camel post and try and imagine 99% of all conversations around you are about camels, as well as 99% of all music, books, films, dramas, in fact all media in general

Show quote history

I don't know where you're hanging out, op, that 99% of conversations you earwig overhear are about sex.
Are you doing this deliberately, when you've no interest in the subject? Ask yourself why, maybe.

Youngishone · 07/04/2023 14:02

I think people are trying to say it would be like a group of atheists coming together to talk about not being religious - rather than just doing something else with their lives.

Most of the TQIA stuff is about community building and in this day and age that in itself isn't a bad thing

matis · 07/04/2023 14:02

Mostly (which I still disagree with but) isn't 99% which is what you said.

I'd expect a maths teacher (albeit one who didn't know you can do AS levels) cum geneticist cum virologist to know that.

ReadersD1gest · 07/04/2023 14:03

Random789 · 07/04/2023 13:32

The main problem with young asexuals feeling excluded from the LGBA community, is that they will most likely also feel totally excluded from the mainstream community, particularly during teenage years, when all their friends, school peers and associates suddenly start prioritising sex

If 'young asexuals' feel excluded from 'the mainstream coomunity', don't you think that the solution to that is a reversal of the ever-more insense sexualisation of young people's experience? Rather than recasting a lack of interest in sex as an identity within a movement for people who are persecuted precisely because of their sexual orientation and activity

A lack of interest in sex isn't a sexual identity any more than being vegetarian is a preference about how you like your steak cooked.

We have so bullied and squashed young people into a hypersexualised society that we now seem to be telling them that the only way avoid the pressure to be sexually active is to attach a label to themselves that defines them in terms of what they are not (ie defines them in terms of other people's priorities and experiences) - a label that confines them just when they should feel unconfined and free to evolve.

It is a NONSENSE. Many or most (or all?) girls and young women, and plenty of young men, are deeply uncertain about sex and need time, space, a lack of pressure in order to explore and work out whether and when it will be relevant for them. What they don't need is a movement telling them that their uncertainty is some kind of special niche sexual identity. Leave them alone FFS

👏👏👏

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 14:05

ReadersD1gest · 07/04/2023 14:02

I don't know where you're hanging out, op, that 99% of conversations you earwig overhear are about sex.
Are you doing this deliberately, when you've no interest in the subject? Ask yourself why, maybe.

Show quote history

school playgrounds and canteens mostly, that little thing called break duty.

As to why -that is what teachers do

matis · 07/04/2023 14:06

I thought you were a geneticist?

Wonderingiforifnot · 07/04/2023 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don't get the joke here. What's funny about young people feeling excluded and unhappy?

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 14:12

matis · 07/04/2023 14:06

I thought you were a geneticist?

I was a statistician specialising in genetics and some virology - I still do some of this work freelance

I am also a maths teacher

Dougalskeeper · 07/04/2023 14:12

This "identity" nonsense needs to stop, it's utter garbage and we need to stop pandering to these precious flowers

matis · 07/04/2023 14:13

So that's not a geneticist then that's a statistician. Unlike your other thread where you're expounding on chromosomes and claiming you're right because you're a geneticist.

Whattt44 · 07/04/2023 14:17

Everyone wants to be included but all of these separate groups are doing the exact opposite.
Why can't everyone just get on with their lives, if they meet someone and they both want sex , fab , have sex , if they just want to be friends, just be friends. All of these communities are doing more harm than good.

Saschka · 07/04/2023 14:17

Youngishone · 07/04/2023 14:02

I think people are trying to say it would be like a group of atheists coming together to talk about not being religious - rather than just doing something else with their lives.

Most of the TQIA stuff is about community building and in this day and age that in itself isn't a bad thing

It’s more like a bunch of atheists complaining that the university Islamic society wasn’t very welcoming to them…

If you are an asexual who is romantically attracted to people of the same gender, join the LGBT+ society.

If you are romantically attracted to people of the opposite gender but just don’t want to have sex, or aren’t romantically attracted to anyone, then no, you probably aren’t going to find you have a lot in common with a group of gay men. Doesn’t mean you can’t join, but it shouldn’t be a huge surprise if, as per this survey, you find the LBTQ society doesn’t really meet your needs.

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 14:18

matis · 07/04/2023 14:13

So that's not a geneticist then that's a statistician. Unlike your other thread where you're expounding on chromosomes and claiming you're right because you're a geneticist.

its both. Every scientist is a statistician to some extent. My qualifications and research are in genetics and virology. but I ended up offered more and more work in stats, and then went into maths teaching. I still do free lance stats for both genetics and virology research, experiment design, etc.

Bewilderedandhurt · 07/04/2023 14:20

Current attitudes to sexual orientation, preference and identifying could not me more inclusive that they are now.
Why now does everyone feel the need to have a title and category for their own sexual feelings or persuasion.
Enough of the labels just be you and comfortable with it, it doesn't need definition for everyone else.

NuffSaidSam · 07/04/2023 14:25

ReadersD1gest · 07/04/2023 12:51

No. Not to the extent that it totally excludes everything else.
And so what if this excludes people who don't relate to it? How will recognising their non interest include them?

Show quote history

Not to the extent that it excludes everything else, no. But that's true of everything isn't it? No one issue dominates anyone's life completely!

I think recognising that some people are asexual, that that's fine and normal and part of everyday life, for example in relationship education, will make life a lot easier for the kids feeling like they're freaks. In just the same way that including information about gay relationships helps gay children to not feel like they're the only one/a freak/destined to be alone. It's just another sexual identity that should be included when we talk about these things.

ReadersD1gest · 07/04/2023 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LangClegsInSpace · 07/04/2023 14:30

Nimbostratus100 · 07/04/2023 13:37

no, I am not contradicting myself, because the LGBA community is not like that, and asexuals are very much part of it, and fit in.

Show quote history

Cool, so what the OP reported is not a problem after all. Glad we've cleared that up.

NuffSaidSam · 07/04/2023 14:30

terryleather · 07/04/2023 13:05

There's huge amounts of chat in everyday life about relationships and dating and sex. Huge discussion about representation of gay/bi/trans people in media etc. Conversations around sex/relationship education and what children should/shouldn't be taught. Asexuals as a group are completely left out of all of that. I can understand why that's difficult.

I don't believe they are left out, but if they are so what?

Despite the current obsession with everything being inclusive, that's not always possible or desirable.

I don't have kids and what's been said above could equally apply to me wrt being "left out" of conversations around families/parenting. I wouldn't necessarily expect to be included either, I think that would be quite entitled tbh.

But including a mention of asexuality is both possible and desirable isn't it? It's not a big issue, it's not one that's hurting anyone else. It's a perfectly reasonable request.

I think that telling kids/young people that being childless is a perfectly legitimate option would also be good tbh. It's a shame that would make you feel 'entitled'.

RealityFan · 07/04/2023 14:31

Wonderingiforifnot · 07/04/2023 14:09

I don't get the joke here. What's funny about young people feeling excluded and unhappy?

Show quote history

The issue is not whether they're unhappy etc, it's why they are allocated a gender.

Goths had a collective tendency to be unhappy and sullen, but they didn't identify as unhappy goths wanting extra visibility.

For decades I chose to be single and many times within that period I was unhappy. But I didn't feel so self important that I projected that as ID onto the world.

Does everything today have to be labelled? Can't assexuals just be people who've ended up their way without conflating it to a specified category needing affirmation?

terryleather · 07/04/2023 14:33

ok but look at my camel post and try and imagine 99% of all conversations around you are about camels, as well as 99% of all music, books, films, dramas, in fact all media in general

Only in YOUR imagination are 99% of conversations, arts & media about sex camels. I know fuck all about stats but I know that the one quoted above is bs.

FKATondelayo · 07/04/2023 14:33

99% of all conversations around you are about camels, as well as 99% of all music, books, films, dramas, in fact all media in general

The current number one song of this year is about how great it is to be on your own and not in a relationship (Flowers). The best selling books this year - fiction & non-fiction - are about toxic families. Best film at the Oscars about a middle-aged woman who has difficulty filing her taxes on her laundrette business. The most talked about TV show is a crime drama set in Yorkshire. I'd say most people aren't actually that interested in sex as an activity outside of the bedroom. For emotionally healthy people it's a participation sport, not a spectator one.

What kind of weird porny world do you inhabit where 99% of your cultural references are sex-based?