Residential trips

[JustFuckOffPlease]

Name changed for this.
I knew it was only a matter of time.

I teach in a secondary school and we've so far not experienced too many challenges to our single sex provisions despite having increasing numbers of teens (mostly girls) that socially transition for a short period.

I'm running a week's residential course (tied to my subject) for 14 yr olds and one biological male who identifies as a girl has requested that they share with their friends. Girls. I responded before half term to this request and said that they must share with friends of the same biological sex. It went very quiet for weeks, but yesterday afternoon, parents have emailed me, cc'ing the Head to express their dissatisfaction that their child can't share with their female friends.

The accommodation we use are dormitories - minimum of 4 sharing, maximum of 8. I've emailed the hostel (who frequently run school trips) to see what their policy is on these matters so I'll hopefully hear on Monday.

We have quite a strong LGBT staff body and an SLT that will tick all the boxes to be seen to be doing the 'right thing'.

I'm anticipating being told that I need to listen to these parents who are insisting that I let their DC share and to not be discriminated against.

What are my options here? There's 4 staff attending this trip, 2 male 2 female. I organise it and I do NOT agree with biological males sharing a bedroom and changing rooms with biological females, no matter what feelings they have.

The problem with 'but they're all friends and the girls are fine to sleep in the room with this male child they know and trust' is that next week when a male child arrives in school to join the trip that they don't know, don't trust and absolutely do not want to sleep in the same room with? The girls will be stuffed. The precedent will be set that male children have the right to identify into the girls' space end of.

The only two options really that I can see OP, and I feel for you because it is a hell of a situation to be put in:

The male child can be offered a safe, private space of their own and they and the girls gently supported to understand that safeguarding is sex based, and inclusive accommodation is to provide alternatives for a male child who does not wish to be recognised and treated as any other male child. And that it is necessary to compromise and accept blanket protections in order for going away to be possible. The girls are far too young to realise the implications of what they're kindly handing over.

The other is to no longer be available to run the trip. There is no chance that I would now be willing to take responsibility for overnight trips for any group, purely because this mess is now absolutely inevitable, will always result in a shitstorm where no one can be happy and a whole lot of bad feeling is created, a lot of emoting and high feeling and blame will get involved if you try to do your job and safeguard, and it's not worth it. God knows it's stressful and difficult enough to take kids away to try and give them a good experience: this has made it impossible. See #whywecanthavenicethings

Do the parents of the girls concerned even know about this? Or even the girls know?

Thanks everyone. I think you can tell from my name change how I feel about this. Bowing out isn't an option for me because I want everyone to be fully aware of what's at risk here.

I'll keep you all posted - hopefully the hostel's own policy will emphasise safeguarding for all and SLT won't bow to parental pressure.

You've all made really good suggestions and articulated them in a way that'll help me put my point across). Asking for risk assessments will hopefully shine a light on reality as opposed to just considering feelings.

And as tempting as it is to allow parents to learn about this situation, I also agree with @viques. We cannot allow children to determine their own safeguarding.

Yes, this is something I've already been quite vocal about. I do feel that my SLT are burying their heads in the sands and hoping the situation won't arise. Should they allow in one transgirl, then they allow in the next and the next. The lines are blurred and girls lose their private spaces.

hopefully the hostel's own policy will emphasise safeguarding for all

I wouldn't count on it, I suspect they'll bat it back to the school.

Good kuck to you OP. Good on you for taking a stand. Very interested to know how it goes x

I'm not sure.
I think it's only a matter of time.

Yes, this has also crossed my mind. I think that I'll ask if a room in the staff quarters (2 single beds) can be reserved for this pupil in the first instance and see if the parents are fine with that. I've met the Mother though in parents evening and she requested firmly that I refer to her child as 'she' (I was using 'they' and the pupil's name (gender neutral), so I anticipate she won't be satisfied with this.

I would put in a grievance that the school were expecting me to break safeguarding rules and pull out unless it was definitely single sex. But I’m aware I’m like a bull in a China shop sometimes. I think the risk assessment route may be best

Do these people honestly not care about anyone else and thinks the world revolves around their child?

i am so glad mine are coming to the end of school. Fecking rainbow lanyards and pronoun declarations everywhere

Whatever this trip is, it can't be worth doing. I know you said pulling out isn't an option, but I would not want to be a part of anything involving this family. Mum sounds like a nightmare and I wouldn't trust her to accept what safeguarding says.

Unfortunately once someone gets involved who is passionate about enforcing your proving their child's identity by hurling aside safeguarding and showing their child matters more than anything and anyone else does, and cannot do reasonability or balancing of need?

Yes. It's fucked.

This is sadly why this whole agenda will eventually be overturned. With give and take it could be perfectly happily accommodated.

I worked in an educational establishment as a PA about 15 years ago and I had to organise a trip abroad once which wasn't even overnight stay. The rules about sex segregation were so strict and these were 16 and 17 year olds.

Because there were two students travelling together of different sexes to meet up with the larger group, by the safeguarding rules they had to have a teacher to chaperone, even just on the train.

Exactly. It isn’t.

the child is legally male so his comparator is another male without the protected characteristic of gender reassignment. That male wouldn’t be allowed to share with female children either. Hence, no less favourable treatment, and no discrimination

I’m glad you’re not letting this go. Good luck.

The first question anyone needs to think about re safeguarding is, what is the worst possible outcome and what are we doing to prevent that?

You can't be breaking that just because someone really really wants you to. Apart from physical risk, the male is also putting themself at risk of allegations.

The ridiculous thing is that because the hostel and slt may not back you up, the parents will sense an opportunity to push for their male child sharing with girls (they probably don't have the backbone to stand up to all the whining and tantrumming they'll get at home.) There should be a united front to uphold safe guarding from all parties and you should absolutely not be put in this position.

Just remember that you are in the right. I wonder how the slt will feel if they are the ones having to explain to a girl's parents how she became pregnant on the school trip?

This is crazy, I know people can be selfish, but I'm amazed that the patents of this boy would put his wants over the safety and comfort of the girls.

If OP is running the trip, it is her call.

OP, Totally reasonable to make it clear to the school that this is line on the sand for you. If they want to allow mixed-sex sleeping arrangements then they will need to find someone else run the trip and attend in your place.

"But we are not discriminating. The policy applies to all males and is inclusive of all genders."
If they deny the child is male then that's another issue... although that would obviously be erasing the existence of a trans person.

Was just going to say this
It's an issue on many levels

1. if you go back to the trans child's parents and say "at least one of the girls or their parents have said they don't want to share with your child" it's likely they'll start questioning the friends, trying to work out who said it and causing further upset

2. the girls might very well be happy to share with their friend, but they could also be equally happy to share with their (non trans) boyfriends if they were allowed - that's why teenagers don't get to choose and adults make safeguarding decisions for them!

3. despite what others might "want" the school/hostal are the ones at risk if they overrule safeguarding decisions and something goes wrong. If you ran a theme park you wouldn't let a child who didn't meet the height restrictions for a ride on just because they/their parents said they were happy to risk it, or serve alcohol to a minor if you ran a bar etc.

Presumably they think - likely correctly - that the boy would never do anything 'wrong'.
But that is irrelevant to safeguarding and risk assessment.

I would say that by trying to push into somewhere they're not supposed to be, they don't have to do anything further to have done something wrong.

I'm not. I've come across it IRL.

All that matters is their poor boy child.

Who cares which girl gets thrown under the bus as a result. They literally do not care.