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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Autistic teen told to call male TA “Mx” & not “Sir” or “Mr *name*

446 replies

BethDuttonsTwin · 24/02/2023 16:51

This happened to dd this morning at school. She then came out of school at told me she no longer wants one to one help in her lessons - her EHCP says 25 hours a week. It’s too difficult to remember what to call him and she’s embarrassed she will get it wrong in front of the other students.

What now? I want to make a formal complaint. Am raging tbh. Can someone tell me who I need to be contacting please? The school are totally woke and rainbow soaked. Thank you.

OP posts:
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BlessedKali · 24/02/2023 22:35

I do enjoy when the trolls sharpen my ideas to the point of ' THIS NONSENSE CAN GET TO ABSOLUTE FUCK'.

I always feel so much clarity, it really is refreshing. I feel even more emboldened to speak out in my day to day life, and more confident in my ideas.

It really is a blessing.

BlessedKali · 24/02/2023 22:37

Its like your playing ping pong against a wall, and you think, hey maybe im good at this.

And then someone comes and plays ping pong with you, and you absolutely smash them and realise that you have your ping pong game down

Wellies54 · 24/02/2023 22:39

I'm a Ms on paper but I use Mrs in school because it's easier to say. I also answer to Miss. Strangely my sense of identity is not impacted.

Autistic children have all sorts of challenges to overcome and, yes, sometimes they do have to learn to cope with something in order to show respect for others. I really don't think validating a staff member's identity needs to be one of these occasions.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 24/02/2023 22:42

Anactor · 24/02/2023 22:33

“I've taught in special schools where every child in the class was autistic “

File under: things that definitely didn’t happen.

<Jaws music plays>

"We're gonna need a bigger filing cabinet."

Anyway, so we're agreed. TA is not performing his role, and OP should go in and ask why her daughter is being made so anxious by her 1:1 support assistant that she wants to do without the support she needs.

Itisbetter · 24/02/2023 22:43

If she is having a meltdown because she doesn't like someone's name, she has to learn to ger used to it. Or what is she going to do for the rest of her life every time she meets some one whose name she doesn't like? for the rest of her life she’s going to be autistic and struggle to accommodate other people’s needs because her own needs are so high. I would assume the difficulty is not because she doesn’t like the name but that she can’t think because she’s trying not to say the wrong thing. Like “don’t think of elephants” she is scared it will go wrong so she can’t learn.

Nobody who knows anything about autisms thinks you can just learn things because it’s needed/wanted/helpful.

ds called both me and dh DADA (I’m his mum) till he was at least 4. Trust me I tried quite hard to have my own name 😭

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 24/02/2023 22:45

I was curious about these special title-y passports and where they might be a thing.

Picked a few countries at random (Spain, USA, Nigeria, India, Australia) and Google’s ‘country passport sample’ and none of the 5 I picked have any titles? In fact, they all look pretty standard in how they are formatted?

Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
dimorphism · 24/02/2023 22:47

Wow the absolute trolls displaying hate towards children with SEND on this thread. I don't know what kind of 'phobic' that is but it's what proper bigotry looks like.

Children are not there to validate adults who are paid to look after them and teach them.

This TA is failing the absolute basic first level of care and safeguarding responsibility - to not place their needs above those of the the child and to not make the child feel scared. The OPs child is sufficiently fearful - after ONE DAY - that they no longer want any very hard fought for 1 to 1 time. Essentially denying their access to education because a man has made them scared.

That's a pretty serious safeguarding failure right there.

And, whilst we're talking safeguarding, here's the definition of emotional abuse in KCSIE 2022, which all school staff should have been trained on (bolding is mine).

"28. Emotional abuse: the persistent emotional maltreatment of a child such as to
cause severe and adverse effects on the child’s emotional development. It may involve
conveying to a child that they are worthless or unloved, inadequate, or valued only
insofar as they meet the needs of another person. It may include not giving the child
opportunities to express their views, deliberately silencing them or ‘making fun’ of what
they say or how they communicate. It may feature age or developmentally inappropriate expectations being imposed on children. These may include interactions that are beyond
a child’s developmental capability as well as overprotection and limitation of exploration
and learning or preventing the child from participating in normal social interaction."

I personally think forcing a child every day to use wrong sex pronouns that they struggle with and which cause them cognitive dissonance, communication difficulties and distress constitutes emotional abuse.

And to those saying 'oh this is all part of life'. The fact is, most people used sex-based pronouns and forms of address. For neurodiverse people or those for whom English is not a first language, menopausal women with brain fog and many others, they simply will not be able to deal with changing the entire rules of grammar and everything they've ever learned about English grammar so that pronouns are individual rather than referring to one of two sex classes. So trans people do need to get used to that in the workplace. No-one means any harm, it's just their lived experience is that pronouns are sex-based not gender based. Anyone with a modicum of respect for the needs of others will accept that.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 24/02/2023 22:49

dimorphism

This TA is failing the absolute basic first level of care and safeguarding responsibility - to not place their needs above those of the the child and to not make the child feel scared. The OPs child is sufficiently fearful - after ONE DAY - that they no longer want any very hard fought for 1 to 1 time. Essentially denying their access to education because a man has made them scared.

It is appalling. Well said!

MichelleScarn · 24/02/2023 22:51

If she is having a meltdown because she doesn't like someone's name, she has to learn to ger used to it. Or what is she going to do for the rest of her life every time she meets some one whose name she doesn't like
I really hope this thread stays, just to show the level of self indulgent bat shittery supporters of this 'cause' show. #JUSTLEARNTOGETUSEDTOIT. is that the new #nodebate?

ReadersD1gest · 24/02/2023 22:52

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 24/02/2023 22:45

I was curious about these special title-y passports and where they might be a thing.

Picked a few countries at random (Spain, USA, Nigeria, India, Australia) and Google’s ‘country passport sample’ and none of the 5 I picked have any titles? In fact, they all look pretty standard in how they are formatted?

Nimbostratus clearly lives in LaLa Land.

Boiledbeetlesaurus · 24/02/2023 22:53

ArabellaScott · 24/02/2023 22:27

The pen is leaking because of the special fancy umlauts on Admiral, it's most frustrating, and he's got another 456,794 to sign before teatime.

Don't you have a special font ability? For when writing about royalty?

Boiledbeetlesaurus · 24/02/2023 22:57

If she is having a meltdown because she doesn't like someone's name, she has to learn to ger used to it. Or what is she going to do for the rest of her life every time she meets some one who's name she doesn't like?

Or the man who is supposed to support and help her get through the day could just bloody grow up and do his job! She has to spend 25 hours a week pandering to this man when that's not her job it's his job to pander to her.

ArabellaScott · 24/02/2023 22:59

𝒮ℴ𝓂ℯ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝓁𝒾𝓀ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈, 𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓈?

ArabellaScott · 24/02/2023 23:00

Surely the TA will need to learn to 'get over it'? After all, he's going to encounter an awful lot of people who won't know to call him 'Mx'.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 24/02/2023 23:00

How much is he being paid for this, I ask.

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 24/02/2023 23:00

ReadersD1gest · 24/02/2023 22:52

Nimbostratus clearly lives in LaLa Land.

I tried to find a LaLaLand passport sample (just in case) but Uncle Google just came back with Italy (no title there either).

Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
ApocalipstickNow · 24/02/2023 23:04

Now I’m wondering what Sir Mix-a-lot is allowed to have on his passport.

Boiledbeetlesaurus · 24/02/2023 23:05

ArabellaScott · 24/02/2023 22:59

𝒮ℴ𝓂ℯ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝓁𝒾𝓀ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈, 𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓈?

Hmmm....do you have anything more flourishy?

dimorphism · 24/02/2023 23:06

The TA needs to learn to live with being referred to by sex-based forms of address because this is common usage and the form of grammar everyone is taught. To expect a CHILD with communication needs to go against common usage of English in a way which causes them distress is abusive (see the definition in KCSIE I copied above).

In fact dealing with common usage of language among children - including any difficulties they may have - is very much part of his job and if he can't do that part of his job he should be fired. That's the 'real world'. What's the point of a TA who can't fulfil the most basic requirement of their job? And who makes a vulnerable child so distressed and scared they no longer want to interact with him at all?

Boiledbeetlesaurus · 24/02/2023 23:06

(I'm just hoping you screw up so i can work out how you do it)

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 24/02/2023 23:11

ApocalipstickNow · 24/02/2023 23:04

Now I’m wondering what Sir Mix-a-lot is allowed to have on his passport.

Does he have an actual knighthood or does he just identify as having one?

Because HMPO will check.

Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Boiledbeetlesaurus · 24/02/2023 23:22

dimorphism · 24/02/2023 23:06

The TA needs to learn to live with being referred to by sex-based forms of address because this is common usage and the form of grammar everyone is taught. To expect a CHILD with communication needs to go against common usage of English in a way which causes them distress is abusive (see the definition in KCSIE I copied above).

In fact dealing with common usage of language among children - including any difficulties they may have - is very much part of his job and if he can't do that part of his job he should be fired. That's the 'real world'. What's the point of a TA who can't fulfil the most basic requirement of their job? And who makes a vulnerable child so distressed and scared they no longer want to interact with him at all?

I'm just remembering that video where the transwoman is going after the girl with Downs syndrome who was objecting to him going in the women's toilets. And he was going off it about her reaction. The comments from his side were not pleasant. And reminiscent of some on here today.

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 24/02/2023 23:22

Actually, scratch that - Alexander Hamilton wasn’t keen and I’m guessing ‘Sir’ Mix-a-Lot is a US passport holder…

constitution.congress.gov/browse/article-1/section-9/clause-8/

constitution.congress.gov/browse/essay/artI-S9-C8-4/ALDE_00013204/

Autistic teen told to call male  TA “Mx” &  not “Sir” or “Mr *name*
Spanky123 · 24/02/2023 23:31

How are the wokists of mumsnet, thriving on a wild Friday night. Honestly get a grip, people are who they are and children and teachers alike need to accept all of us for who we are and just learn to get on with things, resilience is key and the snowflakes are far too obvious and identifiable ...

EpicChaos · 24/02/2023 23:35

CryptoFascistMadameCholet · 24/02/2023 23:00

I tried to find a LaLaLand passport sample (just in case) but Uncle Google just came back with Italy (no title there either).

Funny how that resembles m. markle. lol :-D