‘My son, 14, touched a girl’s leg. He was called a rapist.’ Sunday Times article (share token)

[EmmatheStageRat]

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/b698b306-af03-11ed-b94f-fc4969750d6e?shareToken=1876e207894ef2960e35de884ddb573d

I read this and was a bit about it. Yes, school playgrounds can be terrible places for rumours to get out of hand and false allegations to fly but there didn't seem much evidence that he didn't do what he was accused of (inappropriate touching) either. And his parent - naturally - seemed very focused on his innocence rather than wondering why these accusations might have blown up. There was no questioning of why several girls would have made these allegations. It was all dismissed as #MeToo hysteria.

God, that's awful. Completely minimises it. He didn't touch one girl on the knee. There were multiple allegations from multiple girls of inappropriate touching and groping, and the parent just ignored that and gets upset that the girls don't like him and don't want to be near him.
I'm not usually one for 'blame the parents' but it'd pretty clear where his attitude comes from.
I remember the gropey boys at secondary and how much I hated them. Then, it was just ignored as boys being boys. I'm thrilled to see they're not getting away with it at that school at least.
My DS is a similar age. I can't imagine how furious I'd be with him if he behaved like that and then tried to blame the girls and the school.
But then I've done my best to bring him up to respect girls and he's told me how much he hates how some of his peers behave towards girls at school.

He shouldn’t have put his hand on the girls’ thighs (minimised in the article ‘above the knee’). His parents insisted on him returning to the school. What did they expect to happen? “Oh, it’s YOUR son, well that’s ok then, consent doesn’t apply to nice boys’. FFS

He's not a rapist though is he? Let's not minimise rape, it violent and horrendous!

A boy inappropriately touching girls is not right either, what is the school doing? His parents are behaving inappropriately too which is clearly why he has done this several times. At 14yo it could be reported to the police. In my school he'd have been decked by the girl! 1980's Britain was much less accepting of bad behaviour than we seem to be today - teach our girls self defence!

Well that article explains exactly why the son thinks nothing of sexually assaulting multiple girls. The dad is the problem HE should have taught his son to keep his hands to himself and that "innocent flirting " doesn't involve putting your hands on someone's bumb or thigh without permission.
I'm getting sick of the think about the poor men and boys who are having to face the consequences of their actions and can't just get away with sexually assaulting and raping women and girls anymore. They just don't care what damage that their behaviour causes to women and girls as long as they (males) don't suffer. I'm glad that this happened to the boy and publicly as it sounds like a lot of women and girls will be protected from him doing the same or worse again to another.

He's not a rapist though is he? Let's not minimise rape, it violent and horrendous!

Nope plenty of rape is not violent, it is all non consensual.

The headline also implies that the school called him a rapist but it is clear that it was individual children.

In the future because he won't learn about consent at home with a minimizing dad like

Well that article explains exactly why the son thinks nothing of sexually assaulting multiple girls.

Yes this he is sexually assaulting girls and his parents minimise his behaviour.

Sorry don't know why my post is split in 2

Thanks for sharing.

The rumours have clearly spun out of control if he has been called a rapist and threatened with stabbing but I don't like the tone of the article at all or think it's helpful.

The parent seems convinced of both the son's innocence and right to touch girls as and when he sees fit when he did in fact do what he was accused of- touch girls' thighs.

There doesn't seem to be any evidence that he didn't do the other things he was accused of (groping).

It seems badly handled on all fronts. The boy is only 14 so should be protected from threats etc but not by insisting on his innocence and entitlement in this way and having girls presented as the threat as though these were false accusations.

The lad has admitted to touching at least two girls' thighs. This is both not ok and does not make him a rapist. Why not, as his parent, help him work through his mistakes rather than rush to defend him so uncritically.

Kids do behave in inappropriate ways. I remember being touched by boys on occasion without consent or wanting right through school from about 5 to 16. Best they learn early that this isn't acceptable rather than bemoaning the fact that boys can't have free rein to touch whomever they please.

He’s not a rapist though. I agree with what the other poster said, calling it rape minimises actual rape. The definition of rape is penetration of a penis into a vagina without consent.
It isn’t touching legs, thighs, breasts buttocks or even touching a vagina with fingers.
Let’s call it what it really is: it is inappropriate sexual harassment. The boy needs needs consequences for his actions, he obviously hasn’t had much guidance from his father on that.

Lots of boys at my school tried to grope girls and bigged each other up - little arseholes. One boy did it alone, away from the other boys and had multiple complaints. That boy grew up to have convictions for indecent exposure and later rape.

I cannot believe that article got published. The boy clearly was inappropriate with girls, to the level the school reported it to the police, and the dad is discounting it.

Although I do actually agree that teaching boys to be very very careful not to sexually assault girls would be a good idea. Maybe the "tactile" family could consider that.

This reminds me of that Prince Andrew interview.... Its natural to wonder if there could have been a miscarriage of justice here but rather than create doubt the father's behaviour and words (deluded, minimising, patronising, and entitled spring to mind) imply otherwise. This could have been a great teaching moment for the son.

'We are a tactile family, but he has always been taught that there are boundaries.' 100% proves your son was not predatory...Not! Understands boundaries? His behaviour would suggest otherwise.

'I don’t wish to downplay the importance of #MeToo, Everyone’s Invited and other platforms that, at last, are giving a voice to the genuine harassment that many women and girls endure.' Yet when applied to your son it's hysteria

'all we can do as parents is teach our boys to be very, very careful.' Careful about what? Those dreadful over reacting, wolf crying girls? The biased processes put in place to protect women and girls from men and boys? It would be much better to teach your your son, from an early age that women have boundaries which are centre around what women rather than men or the male perspective.
I hope for the girls, for whom the father and I suspect the son give no F's, it has been empowering and for the other boys as the school a cautionary tale about disrespecting boundaries and male entitlement.

I also thought that it was telling that only the father appears to have contributed. I would love to hear the Mother's perspective.

It’s one thing I’m trying very hard with my ds. He’s only 7 (nearly 8) but he’s already a very touchy boy.

He likes to cuddle. He likes to touch people. It’s not malicious. He’s not doing it for a thrill. He’s doing it because he finds it a comfort.

He’s already learning he can’t just hug his sister whenever he wants. That he can’t just grab her when he feels like it.

It’s been a very hard lesson for him but it’s one we are firm in teaching him.

We know he doesn’t mean harm. A stranger wouldn’t.

This could all have been avoided if the boy had kept his hands to himself. Ridiculous article. Why should teenage girls at school have their legs grabbed when they're trying to learn? And that is what the son has admitted to. We obviously have a long way to go in terms of society respecting women and girls' bodily autonomy 😡

I cannot believe that article got published.

The dad doesn't even put his name to it; it's "as told to" one of the editors. If you scroll down, there's a link to another story by the same editor (Sian Griffifths) using the same picture, from just two weeks ago entitled "Why Me Too fallout is wrecking the lives of schoolboys". That's the important bit, right?

He’s not a rapist though. I agree with what the other poster said, calling it rape minimises actual rape. No one here is suggesting we call it rape, nor did the school or (as far as we know) the victims or the police. It seems that he was called a "rapist" by one/some of his classmates amid the flurry of rumours around the incidents that did happen, the investigation of them, and his continuing to go to the school while all of this was going on. Yes, it's wrong that he was called a rapist, but I don't think that's central enough to the story to use it as the title. It's sensationalist and yes, it makes it all about the boy's suffering rather than the girls'.

This is why some secondary schools implement blanket 'no touching' rules and then parents kick off.

This this this.....as a mother of a teenage daughter who has been on the receiving end of misogynistic and narcissistic behaviour at her school from extremely titled boys with no role models or manners this article really angers me. All verbal but upsetting non the less....some parents of teenage boys need to take a hard look at themselves.

The article really annoyed me. I think pointing out the the vilification of a 14 year old boy is not ok shouldn't mean you minimise the behaviour. I can't help wondering if the schools hardline approach was partially in response to the reaction of this family who seemed to think it was no big deal and even after all this time ans experience they don't seem to have learnt anything. Why on earth is it not immediately obvious that touching a girls thigh is unacceptable? And that maybe the girls didn't say anything to his face because they were uncomfortable?!

Mind blowing.

I wondered if there would be a mumsnet thread on this. I read it this morning with my mouth hanging open. The dad completely failing to grasp the point that it’s not ok to go around touching girls thighs - absolutely delusional.

poor boy being called a rapist - kids are harsh. But he DID inappropriately grope the girls and with parents like that you can see why the school had to step in. The dad trying to somehow link it to me too going too far was sickening.

Misogyny breeds misogyny
This dad is absolutely minimising his son's behaviour. How about teaching boys not to touch whether you are a 'tactile' family or not. No excuse

Wasn’t there a thread on here a few weeks ago about a poster’s son touching the leg of a female student?