‘My son, 14, touched a girl’s leg. He was called a rapist.’ Sunday Times article (share token)

[EmmatheStageRat]

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/b698b306-af03-11ed-b94f-fc4969750d6e?shareToken=1876e207894ef2960e35de884ddb573d

But the article says that other girls came forward and accused him which he completely denied, and there was no evidence for these events.

it also says that he was horrified by his mistake, had learnt a lesson, was contrite, and wanted to move on.

Obviously his father should have taught him about boundaries and touching but it sounds like he wasn’t supported to move on from the incident although he recognised his mistake. Instead he was bullied and threatened and is now reclusive and has to change schools.

I’m not in any way making excuses for him but it’s really difficult to imagine how to move past this once it’s happened to you. I have a pre teen son and these articles really make me think.

But the article says that other girls came forward and accused him which he completely denied, and there was no evidence for these events.

What evidence would there be?

Well in the incidents he was accused of, another girl saw him and reported him.

It’s sexual assault and sexual harassment, these are crimes, at age 14 the boy has full criminal responsibility, he should be arrested, cautioned/fined / given community service or jail time if a judge finds that appropriate.

When the proper procedures aren’t followed for criminal behaviour - which is common, even usual when a crime happens at school - the community notices an unpunished crime and reacts in the way of every lawless community, ie vigilantism/lynching.

Lack of an independent third party witness is not evidence of his innocence either. Do you really believe that the boy was so unlucky that the only times he groped a girl he was seen and reported? Let's be honest, that's massively unlikely.

My experience at a state school is that serious allegations will be kept quiet by school and police to protect victim and perpetrators, and often the wider school has no idea an incident has taken place. My school and my kids school are both dealing with lots of Andrew Tate fandom, #metoo definitely hasn’t gone too far and sexism and sexual harassment is far too common in schools.

In the meantime, all we can do as parents is teach our boys to be very, very careful.

🤔

Very, very careful? What is that getting at? It sounds more like not getting caught rather than teaching consent and appropriate behaviour and respect.

What a repulsive article. So much wrong with it. A very badly brought up boy with bad role models. Girls/women will continue to be assaulted as long as parents are minimising this behaviour....... and paying for therapy to tell them others are just overreacting.

Why didn't the girls slap or punch that boy who sexually assaulted them? Girls need to be able and to know it's okay to defend yourself.( And yes groping is sexual assault)
I went to a girls school but at uni ('70s) a boy at a dance on the dance floor groped my breast. I slapped his face hard and said loudly "get your hand off my breast"
he did and everyone cheered me .
What's going on today; are girls now doormats?

The Times may be good at exposing the misogyny of trans activists, but this is the second article they’ve published this month decrying the fact that the poor boys can’t get away with their “teenage fumbling”, as their last article put it (though it was clear that what was being described in many cases was sexual assault).

Seems like the parent only took interest when the words became really serious. I think the parent really has no idea how bad the child's actions actually are. The son has now been taught that consent is a question of who wins the argument. This boy is being failed in so many ways...

That's a poor attitude and a deeply unsettling as the the attitude in the article.

Completely agree.

Really? You really can’t think of any reasons why some girls/women don’t react in the way you did?

The evidence was that the victims said it had happened. That is evidence.

I wish they had comments turned on in the article so I could tell them what I thought of it.

What does the dad think was the reason for the touching?

Why doesn't he know that sexually touching women and girls without their consent is assault?

Weird article.

So it’s one person’s word against another, and the girl is always believed?

@Snoopsnoggysnog perhaps you should read the article first before commenting? Otherwise you risk looking like an unreconstructed misogynist

Oh I'm sorry, I see you did read the article and despite several girls - over and above the two who initially complained - said that the groper had groped them, you have reframed that as 'one person's word against another's.

How many girls' words are equivalent to those of one boy? Five? Ten? How many need to complain before you think they should be believed?

So you equate women using physical force to repel sexual assault with sexual assault?

In the 70s and 80s young girls were taught to be empowered and strong.
I never had to deal with a groper again after that public incident. Good!

What's wrong with you and @HeartInDrive

You really don’t get it do you?

Do you know that some girls and women freeze when they are assaulted or raped? Some then go onto feel responsible and punish themselves for not fighting back, even though in that moment they couldn’t.
Do you know that many girls/women don’t react in order to try to stop the situation from escalating?

So, while it’s great that you could fight back, many can’t/don’t and they don’t deserve to be questioned and feel judged for not reacting how you did. They’ve been through enough, they are the victim. The real question is why these disgusting boys/men assault them in the first place.

I hope you reflect on your opinions and realise your thinking is wrong.

@heart Did you miss this part of what I wrote:
Girls need to be able and to know it's okay to defend yourself.( And yes groping is sexual assault)
I question and fecking judge a society and parents who don't teach young girls to be able to physically defend themselves.

I think many people on here have not properly read the article, or made up their mind what they thought in advance.

The boy is allowed to tell ‘his truth’ just as much as the girls. And he has been apologetic and remorseful about the one girl, and denied the others. The idea that, in a school environment , 5 people saying something makes it true is not reasonable. That is the age of friendship groups where backing your friends up is far more important than the literal truth. All parties were very young.

That whole school environment sounds quite toxic to me. No touching rules are very sensible and clear for all. How some boys can be sitting with their hands consensually on girls’ thighs is hard to imagine. But, if that was the case, it is easy to see why the boy thought that to move beyond friendship, it was reasonable to try his luck and if the girl said nothing, it was consensual.

the idea that this is a police issue is risible. It wouldn’t pass the most basic test of evidence, not is it clear that a crime was committed .

Anonymous internet groups such as EveryonesInvited are great to show up institutional misogyny and to open up discussions on consent. They have marked a sea change in how seriously schools deal with this issue. However teenagers targeting other teenagers through smears and innuendo with zero consequences to themselves is a dangerous place to go.

it is easy to see why the boy thought that to move beyond friendship, it was reasonable to try his luck and if the girl said nothing, it was consensual.

Nope, nope, nope. I am a parent of a teenage boy and that is not reasonable. It's assault.

Men like you are a massive part of the problem. You need to teach your sons to keep their hands off girls' bodies.

Not saying anything= consent. You are appalling
@Newbutoldfather

It's why I totally advocate for girls self-defense . If boys committing sexual assault suffer pain from women ( like a swift kick in the balls) believe me they will stop .