Sex not gender, No Outsiders changing the Equality Act, DepHead/DSL captured

[Vebrithien]

Well, here we are, with a whole new thread!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4713725-please-help-gender-not-sex-on-a-school-protected-characteristics-poster-just-spoken-to-the-head?page=10&reply=123546552

Thank you all, so so much for the support you have given me.

I am currently working on the draft of the message I want to send.

Long story short, DD's primary school displays posters by No Outsiders, showing the 9 protected characteristics of the Equality Act. Sex as been replaced with gender.

I have raised this with the Head, the assistant Head, and the Deputy Head (DepHead, as DH just doesn't work here). I have been reassured that sex is synonymous with gender in law, and, through an email stream, No Outsiders have reassured the school that it is deliberate, gender is easier to teach children than sex, especially as some will snigger at sex.

Oh, and teaching that gender is the difference between boys and girls, it makes it easier to then explain gender reassignment later on.

I'll put the message from the DepHead and No Outsiders here, and also my reply, in its current state.

Thank you all again!

Surely WhatsApp in this context is just a tool for discussion with other involved parties (the other parents). For me social media is public engagement to a greater or lesser extent.

Yes, I would agree with this.

Was the Headteacher copied in to the email in which the Assistant Head threatened you with defamation (getting the law wrong in literally every way)? Or is this just something the Ass Head has chosen to do on their own?

The Assistant Head sounds like a bully. I would suspect with an attitude like that other staff members will not be keen.

Don't remove anything. What you said is your defence.

Remind your MP of the Graham affair in Scotland, where a double rapist has been housed in a women's prison. He's an intact male. Don't delete anything you have written, either, because what you said is part of your argument/defence. It is they who are defaming you.

Can't remove the messages, even if I wanted to.

My MPs comments were in response to an email I sent about the Grantham double rapist.

Off to drop DD off now!

How can schools expect parents not to discuss concerns amongst each other? They have no right to silence anyone about what is being taught to their children.

Many years ago there was a matter of serious concern* at my DC's primary school, that I contacted the head teacher about. head teacher said that none else had a problem with it and wasn't going to take any action based on one parent's "comments".

Talking to other mums at the school gates it turned out that I was not the only one to have mentioned it- and we had all been palmed off with the same sh*t!

So a three of us went to the head teacher about it. We were calm and courteous, told the head that we were representing others (with their permission) and asked that something be done. This time the head refused to be "bullied by an angry mob".

It wasn't for nearly a year that circumstances forced the matter into the light, then there was a desperate attempt to cover up/ excuse/ claim that no-one had brought it to the school's attention etc.

A lot of angry parents made sure that the head's "couldn't-care-less" attitude was contributory. The head hadn't wanted the school to get a bad name, apparently, if it became public.

*This concern, though very worrying, was not to do with safeguarding or inappropriate behaviour - if necessary we would have gone to the police about something like that.

My MPs comments were in response to an email I sent about the Grantham double rapist.

Are you in the NE?

Just wondering if we share an MP?

This sort of attitude is very clearly anti- safeguarding (even if the specific concern in this case wasn't a safeguarding concern). It's unreasonable also to say 'yours is the only complaint so we're not doing anything' alongside 'you can't talk to other parents about what happens at the school'.

I think it's REALLY concerning for the children that this is how schools are operating. More concerned about reputations than what's best for the children. It's not best for the children to have parents scared to talk about what goes on at the school.

All safeguarding courses say safeguarding is for everyone but it can't be if people can't talk to each other and are scared to raise concerns and concerns are fobbed off.

Well done Vebrithien you are amazing and what you have done is amazing
💐💐💐

I think, if I did respond, it might be along the lines of - this is an example where parents have been able to help the school; ensuring that it is working in the best interests of children, operating within DofE guidelines and not misrepresenting the law. Surely that should be exactly the sort of parental support the school would wish to encourage? Open communication, within the school community, is necessary for this. Trying to shut that down would suggest the school (DH anyway!) would rather be left alone to continue doing something they now agree was inappropriate. Surely that can’t be right?!

Good luck, you’re operating in v hostile territory (DH, head of governors & MP all captured) and yet you’restill making strides forward, and you’ve now got the support of other parents irl 💜🤍💚

Thank you, all.

Your support here has been immense. I'd most likely never have started down this pathway, if it wasn't for the voices of FWR.

so it's all YOUR fault really

Ahem.

And thank you, everyone who has given their time, to read this, to find references for me, and just to provide encouragement.

Everyday, I read things that make me think - why doesn't this ring alarm bells with most people?

I'm not as brave as those wonderful women (and men) who have put their entire lives on the line to stand up and highlight how important this is.

I do still need to keep my job. I still need to be able to go onto the school site. I do need DD to be able to go to her local.community school.

DDs school is a small primary, in a little corner of the country.

But it MATTERS.

I would hope that this is like a small pebble thrown into a still pond. The ripples have started to spread out. They may die out completely. They may wake the Watcher in the Water.

We don't know which way this will go.

But we do know that something has changed.

No debate, is over.

👏

I feel quite guilty of having vicarious satisfaction from your stand against the poster, while you are left with the unnerving and very unpleasant consequences. It is so difficult when your own child is at a school. I hope you are ok 💐💐

I'd second this. Your response will vary depending on whether the Assistant Head has been a loose cannon in this or whether it was a coordinated response.

Good luck, it all sounds rather unsettling!

I'm okay @ScrollingLeaves .

Just sad, today.

Sad that is hasn't been possible to have a reasonable, evidence based discussion with a primary school.

I won't give up. The parents I have connected with, won't give up.

We will work together, play to our strengths, and ensure that, somehow, our voices are heard.

Children's safeguarding needs nothing less.

Also, I honestly feel that the Assistant Head was delegated the shit task of emailing me, and phoned up to try to soften things.

He has also clarified that he is not aware of anything I have posted that he considers defamatory. So there is that too.

After the unwarranted threats they’ve dumped on you I’d be inclined to ask for everything to be in writing rather than by phone from now on “just to avoid any misunderstandings.”

I would hope that this is like a small pebble thrown into a still pond. The ripples have started to spread out.

And will continue to do so. This and your resource thread here are good size ripples, and connecting with other parents at primary mean they will carry the ripples to secondary as their children move up.

Vebrithien · Yesterday 20:37

Sad that is hasn't been possible to have a reasonable, evidence based discussion with a primary school.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11818581/Parents-fear-11-year-olds-scarred-life-graphic-sex-education-lessons.html

It seems that it's common for schools to deny the facts, when they've been caught teaching rubbish and called out for it.

‘A mother rang me horrified about her daughter of 11 coming home after the lesson and asking her if she could get pregnant “through her mouth or her bum,” ’ she says. ‘The subject of oral and anal sex had obviously been discussed by the teacher even though these were very young children.’

Worse was to follow, if that seems possible. Eliza received an email from the same mother, which we have her permission to publish, about the same science lesson. Its highly shocking content was as follows: ‘My daughter came home yesterday asking me to clarify what the word c**t means.

One father, Matthew Cheetham, 34, who helped draw up the petition, has an 11-year-old girl at QE2 as well as a boy of seven at primary school and due to go there. He told the Mail that hundreds of children had come forward ‘telling identical stories’ about their classes since the sex education curriculum was introduced in September. ‘It is clear from the sheer volume, that what they’re telling their parents day after day when they come home is true.’

For her part, the head teacher of QE2, Charlotte Clarke, supports the investigation. ‘I am confident that there is false and inaccurate information being shared,’ she said. ‘For openness and transparency, I requested an independent review to ensure the facts. I am happy to take part in the independent external investigation. The safeguarding of our students is paramount.’

It is just outrageous @SinnerBoy

It's such a blatant safeguarding concern.

All my support and taking my hat off to you OP. Schools can be too intimidating when parents want to complain and they will deviate, duck and try to derail you but good that there is strong evidence being gathered.

I have not seen all the thread but I wonder if you have come across some of the bigger parents associations fighting this: Baywater support group.

keep strong, keep a record of your interactions and as said before request comms in writing.

Vebrithien · Today 10:43

It is just outrageous It's such a blatant safeguarding concern.

Yes, but it's not just that, it's the attempted intimidation and bare faced lying, which accompanies it. Hundreds of children have told us what happened - Rubbish! They're all making it up!

Well, who to believe?

I completely agree with you.

At my (secondary) school, we publish all of our subject curriculum on the student/parent webpages, so that parents can transparently see what we are teaching.

The "nothing to see here" just isn't working.

Your MP sounds utterly captured. I don't know what to suggest if she's that captured. Is she in a safe seat?