“You don’t get to decide whether you’re transphobic or not and you don’t get to decide you’re an ally”

[AuuYSC]

Then who does?

This was said to me by a transman when I said that buying a video game (hogwarts legacy) doesn’t define a persons morals and personal beliefs (because let’s face it, nothings really ethical unless you live off the grid completely) which of course was met with a stream of abuse and how I don’t care about trans lives.

I pointed out that actually I do, I am gender critical and I don’t think JK Rowling is transphobic but I also appreciate that trans people do face danger and need protection and I also think they have a right to be who they want to be. I’m also part of the lgbtq community and donate to the local youth club (I’ll admit it’s not just the trans people who benefit from my donation but it helps the whole community).

Am I wrong in thinking that the trans community are actually causing more harm to themselves with this game boycott because judging by the pre order sales (and the millions of people that visit HP world and theme parks and buys all the merch) that actually there isn’t a lot of people on their side and by telling people what they can and can’t do, saying they’re transphobic etc for simply buying a game or spending their money isn’t making the point they think it is?

It just really made me think about what the end goal is here, do they really think being treat as the biological sex they identify with, will help them?

Imagine if we all said okay trans men are men and trans women are women and we’ll treat them like such - trans men will be put into male prisons and wards (imagine how that’ll go), medical treatment will be restricted only to biological sex so if you’re a transman you can’t have smears because men don’t have a cervix etc obviously it’s absolutely ridiculous and won’t happen but I just don’t see the benefit of the whole “transwomen are women” stance, I think they sound be treat as trans people and we look at options for them like a third toilet option or a third sports category etc something that will benefit them without causing harm to biological men and women.

Sorry I went onto a bit of a rant, I’ve never considered myself to be transphobic but I guess if it’s not something I can decide for myself then who knows.

The only right answer to that is, "oh dear, is that so? Well, so be it." Unless you are prepared to diligently track the shifting mood, you might as well accept the inevitable and save yourself some time.

I have wondered about some sort of trauma. They are a young adult and their parents have been very supportive despite being a bit baffled by it.

Although I'm close enough to discuss potential trauma I think it would devastate the parents to think that this is the reason for transitioning. I was hoping that age and maturity would mean a change in mindset but sadly testosterone is going to be ordered off the internet and they are actively saving for a private mastectomy.

Friends have been alienated due to accidental misgendering and a couple of girlfriends dumped unceremoniously now they've realised they're not a lesbian. They also seem to have a total dissociation where trans women are concerned, insisting they are just women with a penis.

I feel desperately sorry for them but I have lost a bit of sympathy with the disabled toilet usage.

Well my toddler thinks I’m not her ally because I didn’t let her put her hands on the hot stovetop while I was cooking dinner last night but that doesn’t mean I’m not on her side. I suppose she will feel differently when she is old enough and determined enough to sneak behind me and do it anyways and I have to go out and buy her some burn cream. 🤷🏻‍♀️

No one gets to decide if they are transphobic but they also don’t get to decide if they are misogynous or anti free speech.

And just because they call someone transphobic doesn’t necessarily make it so.

Like you said they want everything to be exactly their way at any cost even at the expense of others. They want to destroy women’s sports, safety and children’s rights so they can feel more accepted as “women” or in this case a “man” but they still want the appropriate health care in which case they have no choice but to back down. “BUT THAT IS DIFFERENT.” they say. Would they say it’s their… biological reality? Aw but cis women don’t get the same return of respect. Who cares about us anyways? Us and our “cis privilege”. Sure.

OP I wouldn't worry about it - I'm a transman and apparently I'm also transphobic because I support the safeguarding of women and children, think JK Rowling isn't transphobic and always will love Harry Potter.

There is an app I use called Refuge which is simply for trans people to use to find either unisex toilets or LGBTQ services in their area with trans friendly bathrooms.

A lot of trans people seem to want to be accepted as the opposite sex, which of course I fully understand as gender dysphoria is horrendous to go through, but at the same time nobody can deny biolog or change their sex, and being either rude or threatening to others isn't going to change that.

You're very much right about trans people making things worse for themselves - I'm so, so tired of the hate and anger I see daily in the groups I'm in. What used to be groups of support are now mostly lists of celebrities we should shun, anti-feminist rubbish and the word TERF used in every other paragraph.

I'm sorry for those of you who feel like you need to question yourself or have been made to feel bad in any way for trying to protect yourself and your children - but please know not all of us are full of anger and hate, and you are not wrong on this at all.

from a previous poster:

Of course you don't get to decide if you're transphobic, your words and actions will demonstrate it one way or another.

Well then in the same vein I declare anyone who supports trans rights and tries to shut up women and give away our rights is on the side of the Decapitate Terfs sign waver and is a misogynistic woman hater.

So, A message to those that still don't get it

THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY?

Does this look right?
Everyone?
Can you see yet?
Are you still blind?
Perhaps you missed it?
It was there in plain sight
There were
A lot of signs
Telling each and
Every one of those politicians
That tried to deny the
Evidence
Right there!
FUCKING HELL
Seriously?

DECAPITATE TERFS??

WAKE UP

Hi Running

That app, Refuge, could you please tell us who created it? If it is for trans people, which group is creating something like this?

Thank you for sharing. Yes it’s important to remind ourselves that we are fighting an idea not an entire people! If I’m being frank sometimes I have to remind myself of this. I try to follow gender critical trans people. It not only helps me keep myself in check but they also have some really balanced opinions which is fantastic! It’s good to keep things mixed up and also a good reminder that trans people are no more a monolith than women are.

I shared something on Facebook about JKR (about one of her books) and my dd accused me of being transphobic for supporting her. I asked her to find one transphobic quote by JKR, that is her saying anything hateful or even slightly dismissive of trans people. She couldn't find one of course.
On another Facebook post about JKR, a poster said and I quote, 'transwomen are literally being killed every day because of what JKR said'. Of course lots of people liked it and agreed with it. It's all such bullshit.

I'm completely done with the idea of 'trans' at all.
People should be honest about which sex they are, and present themselves any way they want .

Well given that anything less than 100% agreement to whatever nonsense is spouted by TRAs next makes you 'transphobic', I can't be too bothered if that's how they label me.

I'm pretty much live and let live but am not up to agreeing to compelled speech or denying reality so if that makes me a transphobe then 🤷‍♀️

It gets used so often now, I think the word has very much started to lose power in a lot of places.

It's a worry really, because there is so much misinformation on this topic, and people share it and believe it. It's like those nonsensical facebook posts that people like or share ("like this post to win a range rover" etc.) and I wonder how my friends can be so stupid as to fall for this crap. But somehow they do...

Why does it not seem to occur to the frothing at the mouth activists that they are doing an awful disservice to their arguments.

I know I had a rant up page, but honestly, I am perfectly capable of supporting more than one group of people. Everyone should have a life that is free from discrimination and fear.

But every suggestion over the past few years, that the majority of transgender people would probably welcome, gender neutral spaces alongside single sex, finding a solution to the prisons that didn't put women at risk etc. Gets shot down under be kind and no debate.

At this point i imagine this would have all be done and dusted without anyone's existing rights getting trampled on.

But I swear the element of the activists that are winding the masses up to fever pitch are going to cause the whole thing to implode soon. And whilst we will get our rights back, and the laws and legislation will get sorted the main fall out will be in the genuine trans population that just want to go about their lives with as little fuss as possible I would imagine.

So who exactly are these activists supporting? It's not women obviously, But it's not the transgender population either. Which makes the frothing at the mouth lot a Mens Rights Movement. and the only people they want to help is men.

This whole time it's been classed as women against trans. It's not it's really women and transgender people against misogynist men.

There is three groups in this relationship.

Men's Demands Movement.

"I never used to be transphobic, but the definition keeps changing so I'm not sure at the moment."
"I didn't used to be transphobic but I've seen some shocking behaviour from tansactivists which no one seems to object to, so I'm starting to change my perspective!"
"I wasn't before but a trans person has been so rude to me and it's hard to remember not all trans people are like that".

That's definitely more correct

I'm still waiting for a non circular definition that doesn't involve sexist stereotypes, because I say so, multiple use of the word gender to define gender, conflation of sex and gender.

I can support anyone to fight for rights that they currently don't have that others in a population do.the

I don't give a toss what job you do, what clothes you wear, what length of colour your hair is what your religion is what your ethnic background is, wether you've only got one leg, which sex you want to sleep with, I will help you to have parity.

But how can I allow losing my rights over something that No one seems able to define.

How can I be accused of being transphobic if no-one will tell me what I'm supposed to be phobic of?

If someone murders someone, anyone really, because they read what jk said then they sorely misinterpreted what she said or because they have a very serious mental health problem. Quite possibly both. Either way they aren’t jk’s responsibility.

They want everyone to be kind to them. But they can’t be bothered to be kind to women.

Yes, that's what I took it as as well, and came to say that I can see where they're coming from.
Does anyone with any prejudiced views ever usually admit, or can even see, their own prejudices?
No.
You don't get to say " I'm not racist" as you might not even realise you are being You either are, or aren't. Your actions or attitude speaks.
Same scenario here and goes for being an ally too
You don't just decide you are one, surely your actions/attitude shows whether you are or not?

@Helleofabore I'm not entirely sure who created it, but they do have a website alongside the app, and when I went to the contact page it led me to patreon, so I'm assuming it's publicly funded.

This.

I don’t actually care.

Your problem OP is that you are trying to prostrate yourself on the altar of trans and it’s an ever-changing game depending on their whims and whatever/whoever they have decided is transphobic on that particular day.

it’s a game you can’t win so maybe don’t bother trying?

You get that works both ways @RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella , right? So decapitate terfs sign, raping the PM sign, the Eat Terfs and tories sign.
Can you point me to your posts about these signs where you say how awful they are as I seem to have missed them.

Thanks.

Yes, I think any signs like that are disgusting.
Why are you playing a game of whataboutery though?

Thought I'd try out your style of commenting.