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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

I feel stupid for supporting trans activists and now I have no one to talk to

133 replies

Redead · 10/11/2022 05:40

I might get flamed for saying this. I just had no one to be honest with. All of my friends are on the liberal trans rights bandwagon. If I was ever honest about my feelings they would eat me alive.

I've been doubting the movement for awhile but today I broke. I saw a post online in trans group where a detransitioner who was seemingly a happy transperson before was really raw and honest about how they wanted to go back to their original sex because they where having a lot of problems with their surgery and hormones and they had doubts before the transition. It's really terrible they now pee and poop in a bag. They and very young. They are 20. They've never had sex and feel they never will now. They walk with a cane now and the cross sex hormones are making them sick. I thought it was the most awful tragic story. I thought that the trans group would be supportive of them especially since they've been a loving member for so long. And who are we to tell them how to identify right?

Well... I was naive and stupid. Their replies were horrible. A lot of them started out with "That's a really sad sorry but..." Some of them told them they aren't trans and never were trans and they don't belong. Many of them accused them off internalized transphobia.

This person when through something horrible and they absolutely devoured them without a second thought. The mods deleted the post and they were banned from the group. I cried. The hypocrisy! So many of them going on about suicide and mental health problems and supporting one another when they are vulnerable. Well I can't possibly imagine a frame of mind and body when one is more vulnerable. But they treated this person like a leper.

I'm just horrified. I feel lost alone and I hate myself for fighting so hard for something that has turned into... This... I don't know what to call it. But it is awful.

Sorry for the rant. I don't know what I'm looking for from this post. If you got this far thanks for reading I guess.

OP posts:
WarriorN · 13/11/2022 08:53

MangyInseam · 12/11/2022 21:00

I did wonder how much of the identity changing that Redcar seems to go through is about getting media coverage.

But I do rather long for artists who have something interesting about themselves besides identity.

Many visual artists make a character and "wear it" as an aesthetic; but they and we fundamentally know it's pretend. Orlan went further to have plastic surgery but the whole point is that it's known to be a curation.

I honestly think this is the impact of social media and visual media plus queer theory, the imagined is now reality and some kids really can't differentiate between the two.

Peddled myths about health, science and biology don't help.

Neither has porn

BatCheeseIsFine · 13/11/2022 10:09

One of the problems though is that if you are trans just because you opt out of the stereotypes which one culture associates with your sex, then there are loads and loads of trans people including pretty much all feminists. This means trans people aren't special anymore.

Yes, I’d absolutely qualify myself as would most women I know. But that’s already the case. The shift I’d like to see is that being transgender would be a self-declared cultural category, much like being a goth to which it’s often compared. It then wouldn’t have to affect anyone else and young people would be free to grow out of it or not as the case may be. Of course it would make little sense and for many just about being special and different, ironically in a socially contagious way. But so are many of the phases and identities people are drawn to when young.

I know this wouldn’t tackle agps and predatory men who want to access women’s spaces for their own gratification, but I think there’s hope for younger people, especially if and when they realise that the surgery and hormones are being pushed by big business and put them on a pathway to lining the pockets of big pharma fatcats for life - and as they see themselves as woke sjws, that’s something they could resist and oppose. They could embrace a healthy, greener transgenderism that values the body. It’s one way for the physical harms being done to be reduced so I welcome Redcar/Letissier saying it.

IcakethereforeIam · 13/11/2022 10:16

@BatCheeseIsFine well said! We can but dream. I wish Redcar had put it as clearly as you have.

MangyInseam · 13/11/2022 12:18

BatCheeseIsFine · 13/11/2022 10:09

One of the problems though is that if you are trans just because you opt out of the stereotypes which one culture associates with your sex, then there are loads and loads of trans people including pretty much all feminists. This means trans people aren't special anymore.

Yes, I’d absolutely qualify myself as would most women I know. But that’s already the case. The shift I’d like to see is that being transgender would be a self-declared cultural category, much like being a goth to which it’s often compared. It then wouldn’t have to affect anyone else and young people would be free to grow out of it or not as the case may be. Of course it would make little sense and for many just about being special and different, ironically in a socially contagious way. But so are many of the phases and identities people are drawn to when young.

I know this wouldn’t tackle agps and predatory men who want to access women’s spaces for their own gratification, but I think there’s hope for younger people, especially if and when they realise that the surgery and hormones are being pushed by big business and put them on a pathway to lining the pockets of big pharma fatcats for life - and as they see themselves as woke sjws, that’s something they could resist and oppose. They could embrace a healthy, greener transgenderism that values the body. It’s one way for the physical harms being done to be reduced so I welcome Redcar/Letissier saying it.

This would be less unhealthy, for sure, but it does have the rather interesting element that it depends on gender norms in order to be edgy and cross them. And frankly gender norms that aren't especially rigid in our society and haven't been for several generations.

I think it's ultimately kind of fake, creating a taboo in order to be seen violating it.

BatCheeseIsFine · 13/11/2022 13:20

I think it's ultimately kind of fake, creating a taboo in order to be seen violating it.

I agree, but I think that's what's happening anyway. It might as well happen less damagingly. And if people want to convince themselves they are edgy when they're really not, as long as it doesn't affect others, that's OK - and there's a long tradition of young people doing exactly that.

howmanybicycles · 13/11/2022 14:01

BatCheeseIsFine · 13/11/2022 13:20

I think it's ultimately kind of fake, creating a taboo in order to be seen violating it.

I agree, but I think that's what's happening anyway. It might as well happen less damagingly. And if people want to convince themselves they are edgy when they're really not, as long as it doesn't affect others, that's OK - and there's a long tradition of young people doing exactly that.

I see what you're trying to achieve but I think that pretending that gender stereotypes are set in stone like they were 50 years ago is actually really damaging. Young people will have to find another way to pretend to themselves that they are being edgy. I'm sure there are plenty of options which don't cause the harm which this does.

Brokendaughter · 13/11/2022 18:59

I think some of it comes from gaming & stuff like Second Life where you can build your avatar & pretend to be the opposite sex.

Some sad boy who gets no attention in his school/work life can pretend to be a woman & get attention online.

Avatars don't have to sort the laundry, or any of the other 'womens work' that nobody seems prepared to identify into.

I think for some, they can't see the difference between their fake online presence & real life.

TheClogLady · 14/11/2022 17:12

I think some of it comes from gaming & stuff like Second Life where you can build your avatar & pretend to be the opposite sex.

I agree with this.

IMO it’s starting to manifest in medical interventions sought too - online there is discussion about FtM transitioners adding DHT blockers to try and avoid body hair growth/balding associated with exogenous testosterone and MtF transitioners seeking out SERMs to feminise appearance without breast growth. Whether the NHS will begin to offer such pick and mix prescriptions I have no idea but it’s becoming increasingly clear that many are seeking to customise their appearance, character selection screen style, rather treat gender dysphoria.

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