I feel stupid for supporting trans activists and now I have no one to talk to

[Redead]

I might get flamed for saying this. I just had no one to be honest with. All of my friends are on the liberal trans rights bandwagon. If I was ever honest about my feelings they would eat me alive.

I've been doubting the movement for awhile but today I broke. I saw a post online in trans group where a detransitioner who was seemingly a happy transperson before was really raw and honest about how they wanted to go back to their original sex because they where having a lot of problems with their surgery and hormones and they had doubts before the transition. It's really terrible they now pee and poop in a bag. They and very young. They are 20. They've never had sex and feel they never will now. They walk with a cane now and the cross sex hormones are making them sick. I thought it was the most awful tragic story. I thought that the trans group would be supportive of them especially since they've been a loving member for so long. And who are we to tell them how to identify right?

Well... I was naive and stupid. Their replies were horrible. A lot of them started out with "That's a really sad sorry but..." Some of them told them they aren't trans and never were trans and they don't belong. Many of them accused them off internalized transphobia.

This person when through something horrible and they absolutely devoured them without a second thought. The mods deleted the post and they were banned from the group. I cried. The hypocrisy! So many of them going on about suicide and mental health problems and supporting one another when they are vulnerable. Well I can't possibly imagine a frame of mind and body when one is more vulnerable. But they treated this person like a leper.

I'm just horrified. I feel lost alone and I hate myself for fighting so hard for something that has turned into... This... I don't know what to call it. But it is awful.

Sorry for the rant. I don't know what I'm looking for from this post. If you got this far thanks for reading I guess.

Thank you so much for sharing your story @Needaname1234567 - it's a really important story and I hope that you have opportunities to share it where it will reach a wider audience too (obviously in such a way as to prevent your daughter's privacy from being compromised)

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if at least one of your friendship group are experiencing the same sort of questioning as you’ve been through.

it can take a long time to get from ‘hold on a minute, something isn’t quite right here’ to actually saying so out loud.

I find that whenever I bring the topic up, the other person is really pleased for the opportunity to start verbalising their own doubts and to be able to talk it through.

I always start the convo face to face and nowadays I tend to start with ‘I’ve always known and supported trans people’s right to live free of discrimination and still do but there is SOMETHING VERY WEiRD going on with the massive increase in numbers of trans teens in UK secondary schools…’

Sometimes they say nothing in the moment but within a week or two they text a relevant news article saying ‘saw this and thought of what you said the other day’ sometimes they immediately go ‘I KNOW! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?’ and allow all their inner terfy questions to tumble out.
The key is to start the convo face to face, never online.

This is an excellent post.

Needaname1234567 your post just brought tears to my eyes, what an amazing mum you are.

I have to tune out on this subject because I'm with JK Rowling on it.

I have no issue with transgender people, each to their own, I don't believe in discrimination at all, but I am fed up of it dominating agendas- if only disability, old age or mental health etc had as much push or press - but guess it doesn't photograph as well or look glamorous!! Sorry- but I think there is an element of that going on amongst young people and no I'm not aTory and am liberal centre left

Yes, @Needaname1234567, incredible story.

Back to the OP, this all reminds me of the ftm transitioner who developed male-pattern baldness, posted a video recently, and the response from the trans-activist set was pretty awful:

twitter.com/KCMiller1225/status/1579132480975941633

And this person wasn't even detransitioning when she posted this. (She is now, though - so I can use "she" without misgendering).

She has since said that what hurt the most was that some of the people piling on were once her heroes - influencers she followed and admired - and influenced her decision to transition in the first place.

It's like anyone trans with a less-than-ideal outcome must be ejected from the club. They're inconvenient, I suppose, an embarrassment. Failed quality control, so hit the "reject" button. No concern for the individual.

That was terrible.

Sorry I've not read beyond this but this specific para was v interesting.

"Becoming a trans man, for Redcar (was Christine), was a liberation, though not an easy one. He finds himself in conflict with what is expected of him. “I am in resistance to the approach of trans identity that there has to be hormones and operations,” he says. “It’s abiding by a binary system that I don’t believe in. Binarism has been made to control. The system itself imposes a lot of performance on everybody from birth and I want to free myself and everybody else in the conversation. I am sick of having to define myself with their grotesque tools of oppression. And I don’t think I owe anyone scars, to be precise.”

@Needaname1234567, I agree an absolutely amazing story of extreme courage and dedication from you. A ⭐️ mum!

Congratulations on your graduation too!

WarriorN
Me too. It made me a little bit hopeful that this philosophy could be embraced by young women figuring out themselves without resorting surgery and drugs.

Something to bear in mind - mental health medically, globally - is woefully behind the times, under funded, under researched and under resourced. Pharmaceuticals are currently the only abundant resource for all mental health conditions - for example the opiod crisis, GPs in the UK prescribing antidepressants before therapy. Therefore not only is it profitable (at least to big pharma) but its also easier for overstretched health services to blindly hand out drug treatments as a blanket treatment, instead of having to admit they aren't remotely equipped to deal with an influx of complex mental health issues.

@Redead Indeed it is. Excitedly awaiting Breath of the Wild 2 😀 and sorry but Redeads are horrible!

My name is ironic because I can't fight for toffee in the game!!! I used to give the controller to my husband to do the fighting - I'm a navigator and puzzle-solver :-)

Lol! Yes the next one looks very interesting. Redeads are pretty horrible! I was just out of ideas so I used that because I figured no one would have
Used it yet. Probably because everyone hates it when they scream! 😂

Redeads seems quite appropriate. I think if you scream, people will stop and listen. You seem a very competent and thoughtful person from your comments. I hope this thread has helped you.

I think you healed a little bit of something inside me. Thank you. I won't forget your words.

Glad to help, Redead. We all need friends, real ones.

So basically, what feminism has always been all about: freeing women from sex stereotyping, with no one having to perform stereotypes.

But for today’s special people, all twisted around so that you have to deny being a woman.

It's become an extreme aesthetic that you wear basically. An Avatar.

Not saying I condone it but gives an insight to the psychology.

It also means you can choose not to.

Redcar/ Chris/ Christine is clearly aware that the idea of a transman is still inherently sexist.

Because refuses to change body.

Needaname1234567
A fantastic post, thank you very much for sharing. That was an example of excellent parenting and I am so glad your daughter came through it so well. She sounds like a thoughtful, strong young woman now who will strive to make things better for herself and her peers. I think your post may be of help to people going through this right now.

I really wanted to acknowledge that post.

Redead OP - nothing wrong with changing your mind, it shows you are open to alternatives, thinking about the evidence in front of you, something which is sorely lacking these days. Also many congratulations on your new baby. :-)

Regarding "Redcar" and that interview.... that take on it makes sense, why should anyone have to carve up their body? It's inching closer and closer to an actual feminist viewpoint, except that you're not allowed to admit to the lived experience of being female by virtue of your biology and physicality, because it's trendy to say that's bigoted/"bioessentialist". (But of course, according to SJWs you are allowed to if you're black, then it's not bioessentialist for your physical reality to matter. Make it make sense.)

I hope this is one route out of the trans nightmare - that people will realise you can be "transgender" (not transexual) by opting out of the gender stereotypes ascribed to your sex, and that's all you have to do. Next step after that, realise that your sex will remain the same so you don't have to claim you're not a man or not a woman. Of course, this can only work for people who are so sexist that they think a particular "gender" identity or stereotype actually should attach to a particular sex, as that's the only way it's possible to think you're special for rejecting it.

Shame the wheel has to be so totally reinvented and what we did in the 80s has been completely forgotten, but I do think it's good Redcar pointed this out.

(I don't think they'll be Redcar for long though - they strike me as a person who has to keep reinventing themselves, plus Redcar? What next, trans people called Methil and Luton?)

I did wonder how much of the identity changing that Redcar seems to go through is about getting media coverage.

But I do rather long for artists who have something interesting about themselves besides identity.

One of the problems though is that if you are trans just because you opt out of the stereotypes which one culture associates with your sex, then there are loads and loads of trans people including pretty much all feminists. This means trans people aren't special anymore.

Absolutely. Thanks for your heartfelt and honest posts, Needaname.

Marking spot to read later.

Excellent thread.