Realised why I struggle with LGBTQIA+ discussions

[anonwith123]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this. Need to know if anyone can relate.

I attended a work network meeting yesterday designed to support employees who are LGBTQIA+. There are also groups relating to disability and race. I'm all for this. I hate the discrimination and it's personal for me as my daughter and goddaughter have both come out to me recently.

I have no issue putting my pronouns in my email signature but this group talked about arranging work outings to Pride marches and drag/queer events and it didn't sit right with me. But I've realised it doesn't come from hate, but because whilst I'm not a prude, I just don't really like openly talking about sex and prefer to keep it private. And Pride stuff seems to be hyper sexualised, not to mention drag... As it goes, I do think that women's rights are being eroded by the trans movement and that there are massive safeguarding red flags in some areas associated with this - but equally I'm all for measures to support trans people to live as they wish and to feel safe. No easy answer, the whole debate is between a rock and a hard place.

I'm not interested in going to a pride march or drag show because of how sexualised it all seems to be. Have I got that wrong? I even went to a drag show recently as I want to listen and learn but it was so sexualised it's put me right off. But I think my preference would be seen as discriminatory. Very keen to know if anyone can relate to this?

Hi op I think I’m actually quite similar to you. If it helps the pride marches I’ve seen are really nice, open and family friendly. All about love and not really sex focussed (although I do think sex positively is a good thing tbh). I can’t speak for drag.
I think the way you put it on here should be understandable to others.

@anonwith123
First; tell your daughter you love her and will always love her whomever she loves. That's really what she needs, assurance.

Second; she may be socially influenced to have a fashionable sexuality. She is only 11! Do not let her join the school LGBTQ society and restrict her internet access. No Tumblr etc sites where she gets influenced to proceed from identifying from gay to trans to harming her body with drugs and surgery.

Third; there is a stoicism thread here. I think your daughter and all young girls would benefit studying how to cultivate resilience and inner strength. So they can resist unhealthy peer pressure and social contagion.

I'm a lesbian. Avoid Pride and everything LGBTQ -related.

For anyone wondering why a 9 year old would even be thinking about his sexuality, a lot of my friends that he knows well are gay/bi in same sex relationships. And DS is also very comfortably gnc, in a lot of his hobbies (like performing arts/dance), toys he'll play with, prefers having longer hair, etc. While not enjoying team sports, physical fighting etc. So it's probably something he has given a bit of thought to or maybe even been asked about by his peers.

Perhaps, but kids also get a lot of discussion of sexuality in school classroom settings. It's very common in the 9 to 12 range for them to want to categorize themselves this way.

This 👆
The + also includes furries and MAP persons... Aka pedophiles

Why are you or anyone else being co-opted into this at your workplace? If workmates want to arrange to go to Pride among themselves, then great. But a work outing sounds bizarre, and as for the drag night idea, that can get in the sea.

OP, you’ve received some great advice here. In addition: you say that you’re concerned that not liking drag shows and Pride marches could be viewed as “discriminatory”. You’re perfectly entitled to dislike something simply because you dislike it. You don’t need to justify your opinions to anyone. Attending Pride isn’t an obligation; not attending doesn’t mean you hate gay people 😵‍💫. Anyone who suggests this has a very simplistic way of reasoning and isn’t worth engaging with.

This is a bit of an old thread, but the replies are still interesting.

Just to reassure you that there are thousands of lesbians and gay men who don't attend Pride because they can't bear it. I used to attend Pride in London in the 80s and 90s, when to do so was a political act and we lived in fear of being beaten up. I find the current commercialism, and the way that the vast majority of people who attend are straight and they're to affirm to themselves that they're cool and progressive, repugnant. LGB people used to march in order to fight for their right to equality. Seeing Pride debased to a profit-driven, booze-sodden, arse-baring, glitter and unicorns tat fest grieves me greatly.

You've had some great responses OP, I've enjoyed reading them (I hadn't noticed it was an old thread).

Could @QueenHippolyta or someone else who knows, link to the stoicism thread, please? I've had a search and can't find it.

I'm not gay, but I think I understand a bit why you're uncomfortable. The LGBTQIA stuff you're mentioning seems hypersexualised gay male stuff.

IMO, drag is a gay man's thing: it's part of an older 'closeted' or underground gay male culture when being gay was pretty much illegal. It seems to me (and I spent a bit of my teens & early twenties surrounded by drag queens) that drag is/was a way for some gay men to express that "feminine man" part of themselves - a way to channel the camp and mock it but at the same time celebrate it - in the face of wider society's homophobia & compulsory heterosexuality.

But for lesbians, the issues around sexuality & the reception in wider society is quite different.

There are several You Tube and other videos of drag performers who say very clearly that drag and the drag scene is highly sexualised and not for children. Here's just one of them:

But thanks to the BBC and Drag Race loads of children now think drag's just a bit of fun. It's not. It's deeply misogynistic and, as PPs have said, rooted in a gay male/ AGP sexuality. I have lesbian friends whose son, now in his early 20s, was an out gay lad at school and university, then got into the drag scene and is now saying he's trans and dressing as a woman — while having sex with men and denying he's gay. His mums are gender critical lesbians and devastated that he's denying his sexuality while presenting as a parody of a woman.

I find the whole drag visual creepy. I am seeing more and more young women over made up - not sure if it’s in homage to drag or just ‘selfie ready’ slap.