Page 2 | To ask DC’s school about gender identity

CanStopWillStop · 2022-10-01T15:22:43+00:00

I am going to view a prospective primary prep school for DD. It’s a very popular all-girls school so admissions are over subscribed. I have a list of pretty standard questions, however I also want to ask what they are teaching the children about gender or gender identity. I also want to ask whether they would admit trans girls (born male) in the school. There is no mention of this in the prospectus however DH thinks it’s a bad idea to ask. AIBU to ask these types of questions?

Discovereads · 01/10/2022 17:21

Lobbs grenade into a conversation and then wonders why the school later says “sorry no place for your child”

Angelinflipflops · 01/10/2022 17:28

Ichimedin - given that the likehood of it happening is very small, then yes, for me personally, its not something I would fret about, and even if it did happen, still not sure I would fret

Original poster

CanStopWillStop · 01/10/2022 17:29

ichimedin · 01/10/2022 17:19

I set up an anonymous email to ask this of the secondary school I was considering sending DD to and they replied saying they only admitted girls who were born female. Which is what I wanted to hear. I

This is a great idea, thank you!

OP posts:

washingbasketqueen · 01/10/2022 17:43

I'm not sure you'll get a clear answer. At my nieces all girls grammar school there are 3 girls she knows of that identify as boys now. They've cut their hair, wear trousers instead of skirt and go by boys names and males pronouns. She's not aware of any trans girls but not sure if they could refuse admissions due to them having transboys? Personally I wouldn't like it. I intend to send my dd to an all girls school and one of the reasons I want this is because I want it to be a safe space for females as it was for me 20 years ago.

itsgettingweird · 01/10/2022 17:46

CanStopWillStop · 01/10/2022 17:08

I can see my original post wasn’t clear.

My daughter is female, I would like to know whether male pupils would be allowed to join the all girls schools on the basis of a gender identity.

DH is concerned we will be viewed as “bigots” for asking, and would rather a secure a place first before asking any so-called “provocative” questions,

It's not provocative though is it?

You are asking a single sex school who you are paying good money to education your female DD if they are in fact single sex as advertised on the tin!

And for the poster who asked what's the point of a single sex girls school from a young age. Lots!

Schools like Eton and Harrow etc educate men who believe they are the superior sex in all boys schools from a young age and it's great for girls and woman to have the same experience and come out the other side knowing they are and can be equal to that.

Single female sex schools show a greater array of successful and powerful woman than all boys and co Ed.

itsgettingweird · 01/10/2022 17:48

washingbasketqueen · 01/10/2022 17:43

I'm not sure you'll get a clear answer. At my nieces all girls grammar school there are 3 girls she knows of that identify as boys now. They've cut their hair, wear trousers instead of skirt and go by boys names and males pronouns. She's not aware of any trans girls but not sure if they could refuse admissions due to them having transboys? Personally I wouldn't like it. I intend to send my dd to an all girls school and one of the reasons I want this is because I want it to be a safe space for females as it was for me 20 years ago.

What I've never been able to understand is why a trans man would want to attend an all girls school.

They don't see themselves as girls. Where's the benefit of an all girls education for them?

GroggyLegs · 01/10/2022 17:49

Parents feel forced into sending anonymous emails.
People quipping "Lobbs grenade into a conversation and then wonders why the school later says “sorry no place for your child”

And for asking 'is this single sex school single sex?'

And there are people saying it doesn't matter? What a time to be alive.

Emailconfirmed · 01/10/2022 17:54

washingbasketqueen · 01/10/2022 17:43

I'm not sure you'll get a clear answer. At my nieces all girls grammar school there are 3 girls she knows of that identify as boys now. They've cut their hair, wear trousers instead of skirt and go by boys names and males pronouns. She's not aware of any trans girls but not sure if they could refuse admissions due to them having transboys? Personally I wouldn't like it. I intend to send my dd to an all girls school and one of the reasons I want this is because I want it to be a safe space for females as it was for me 20 years ago.

Because then they'd be discriminating and liable to be sued. Girls schools would be for females regardless of whether they identify as a boy or a wolf.
I imagine the parents feel they need to be in a female focused environment.

DappledYork · 01/10/2022 18:02

Angelinflipflops · 01/10/2022 17:06

It seems like a comparatively small thing to get hung up on

It most certainly is not. It is the most damaging thing to women around.
It leads to men pushing women out of women's places both real and metaphorical.
It leads to politicians like Yvette Cooper saying she will not go down that rabbit hole when asked to identify what a woman is and she is one of many people in power who are actually either as stupid as that or playing to a very loud and small gallery.

TWO SEXES. COCK OR FANNY.
1MILLION GENDERS that mean fuck all and should be ignored by anyone with half a brain.

budgiegirl · 01/10/2022 18:07

I also want to ask whether they would admit trans girls (born male) in the school

I think it's fine to ask. But only if the answer would change her mind about sending her there. Would it?

What I've never been able to understand is why a trans man would want to attend an all girls school

Because they're not trans men, but trans boys most likely early teens. They've probably started to identify as male while at the school, so wouldn't want to leave as this is where they are settled, have friends etc. It's happened to a few at my DD's school, and the school (I'm pleased to say) have been nothing but supportive. Teenagers questioning their identity at this age need support, not judgement, and certainly not to be forced to change school

GlassDeli · 01/10/2022 18:08

If it’s another school they’ll tell you it’s none of your business. Which it isn’t.

Of course it is. Schools are supposed to be presenting facts, not lies and gaslighting 'XYZ is a girl' or ignoring biology.

Stompythedinosaur · 01/10/2022 18:11

I doubt you will find an anti-trans school tbh. If this is a huge issue for you, you might need to home educate. But honestly, aren't there more important things, like how happy your dc will be there, to consider?

waterlego · 01/10/2022 18:13

washingbasketqueen · 01/10/2022 17:43

I'm not sure you'll get a clear answer. At my nieces all girls grammar school there are 3 girls she knows of that identify as boys now. They've cut their hair, wear trousers instead of skirt and go by boys names and males pronouns. She's not aware of any trans girls but not sure if they could refuse admissions due to them having transboys? Personally I wouldn't like it. I intend to send my dd to an all girls school and one of the reasons I want this is because I want it to be a safe space for females as it was for me 20 years ago.

They can refuse admissions from transgirls while admitting transboys, because they are not discriminating on the basis of transness but on sex.

waterlego · 01/10/2022 18:14

Stompythedinosaur · 01/10/2022 18:11

I doubt you will find an anti-trans school tbh. If this is a huge issue for you, you might need to home educate. But honestly, aren't there more important things, like how happy your dc will be there, to consider?

I think you’d struggle to find an all-girls’ school that is ‘anti trans’, given that many (most?) will have some transboys on their roll.

balalake · 01/10/2022 18:19

A primary school (so up to age 11 usually) will have girls who start puberty before they move to another school. So asking a safeguarding question is perfectly reasonable, perhaps just think how to phrase it so it gets the answer you need.

grey12 · 01/10/2022 18:20

Stompythedinosaur · 01/10/2022 18:11

I doubt you will find an anti-trans school tbh. If this is a huge issue for you, you might need to home educate. But honestly, aren't there more important things, like how happy your dc will be there, to consider?

It's not about being "anti-trans". I'm sure they aren't against boys either or believe that boys don't/shouldn't exist 🤣 it's just a matter of whether they are accepted as students in a single sex environment or not

letsghostdance · 01/10/2022 18:25

You're unlikely to find a school that will teach the way that you're thinking because schools tend to follow the research and teach what's most beneficial for children and what keeps with best practice.

Interesting that it's in opposition to your way of thinking.

DappledYork · 01/10/2022 18:29

Research by whom?
Stonewall? Mermaids?
The Anti Women League UK
Daft Twats R Us?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 01/10/2022 18:38

If you're going to ask the question then maybe you could also ask how they would support your daughter if a few years down the line she decides to identify as a boy.

DappledYork · 01/10/2022 18:41

She may as well identify as a llama. She cannot be a boy. She has no idea what it is to be a boy any more than she can have any idea what it is to be a stone, an award winning poet, or president of Uganda.

One day, books will be written about this madness.

Original poster

CanStopWillStop · 01/10/2022 18:44

Itloggedmeoutagain · 01/10/2022 18:38

If you're going to ask the question then maybe you could also ask how they would support your daughter if a few years down the line she decides to identify as a boy.

I don’t think that’s an issue tbh.

If my daughter one day believes she’s a boy then I imagine an all-girls school would not be one she wishes to attend…

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RubyTrees · 01/10/2022 18:47

DH is concerned we will be viewed as “bigots” for asking, and would rather a secure a place first before asking any so-called “provocative” questions

@CanStopWillStop it's not "provocative" to want to make sure that the all-girls school that you're considering for your daughter is indeed single sex.

Angelinflipflops · 01/10/2022 18:48

From my experience, girls who identify as boys and are at all girls schools, prefer to stay at all girls schools

Original poster

CanStopWillStop · 01/10/2022 18:53

Angelinflipflops · 01/10/2022 18:48

From my experience, girls who identify as boys and are at all girls schools, prefer to stay at all girls schools

Very interesting. Surely it would be triggering for a girl who believes she’s a boy to be on a school meant for girls? What is your experience in this if you don’t mind me asking?

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AnnaMagnani · 01/10/2022 18:55

It's worth asking, if only so they know what is a priority for prospective parents.

My old girls school, which when I was there was all about girls being awesome achievers, has gone massively down the #BeKind route and it has put me off the place.