Concept of ‘exclusively same sex attracted’

[aseriesofstillimages]

I have seen various people on this forum say that to be gay or a lesbian is to be ‘exclusively same sex attracted’, and that therefore, for example, a woman who is attracted to or in a relationship with a trans woman cannot correctly describe herself as a lesbian.

Setting aside the problems with presuming to correct another person’s understanding of their own identity, I can’t see how this absolutist approach is logically sustainable. If I am a non-trans woman who has only ever - to my knowledge - been attracted to other non-trans women, but then am attracted to and get off with a woman in a bar who I subsequently find out is trans, do I immediately stop being a lesbian? What if I don’t stop finding the trans woman attractive after learning that she’s trans? What if I never find out she was trans - is it the case that I have ceased being a lesbian, but will never know this?

To OP.

@macj1
We've been tactful for far too long. .

The thought of a man's body is physically repulsive and disgusting to a lesbian. Every single thing about it. Just generates a shudder.

Right on my Lesbian sister. We're telling it like it is!
We need to do it for the sake of our young Lesbians who need
us to stand up for them! Empower them to say: NO!

And to all the young girls to say NO! to transwomen in women's bathrooms, changing rooms, sports teams. rape shelters, women's prizes/scholarships/places

We’re not just talking about not being at all attracted to or aroused my make bodies though, what the pp said was:

The thought of a man's body is physically repulsive and disgusting to a lesbian. Every single thing about it. Just generates a shudder.

I don’t think that many of the lesbians I know shudder just at the thought of a male body, and are disgusted and repulsed by all male bodies. I’m not arguing pp doesn’t feel that way, just that this isn’t necessarily true of all lesbians. And what’s wrong with pointing out that anyone with a son - lesbian or not - is unlikely to be ‘disgusted by all male bodies’? There is a big gap between ‘attracted to/aroused by’ and ‘repulsed and disgusted by’.

We are talking about sexual attraction, OP. As in the title of your post. So yes, just presume that most posts are talking in that context.

We are talking about sexual attraction, OP. As in the title of your post. So yes, just presume that most posts are talking in that context.

I’m not telling anyone what feelings they are allowed to have. The whole point of this thread was about respecting the ability of women who consider themselves to be lesbians to define their own sexuality if they consider trans women to be women and are attracted to trans women. All these other points that keep coming up, and that I’m responding to, have been brought in by other people.

I don’t think that many of the lesbians I know shudder just at the thought of a male body, and are disgusted and repulsed by all male bodies. I’m not arguing pp doesn’t feel that way, just that this isn’t necessarily true of all lesbians.

And? What's the actual point of that contribution other than what we all know, that people are different from one another. Maybe some lesbians are disgusted and repulsed by the bodies of all adult males. Maybe some are not actively repulsed, but never remotely attracted. So what?

I don’t think that many of the lesbians I know shudder just at the thought of a male body, and are disgusted and repulsed by all male bodies.

But you don't know what they feel, and they're arguably unlikely to tell bisexuals or straight people if they did 🤷‍♀️

So pp was suggesting this is the case for all lesbians, and that this is somehow related to the fact that no lesbian can be attracted to a trans woman.

The whole point of this thread was about respecting the ability of women who consider themselves to be lesbians to define their own sexuality if they consider trans women to be women and are attracted to trans women.

We don't get to make up our own versions of words and expect other people to use them. Lesbian has a meaning, which is important to lesbians. Bisexual also does.

And what’s wrong with pointing out that anyone with a son - lesbian or not - is unlikely to be ‘disgusted by all male bodies’? There is a big gap between ‘attracted to/aroused by’ and ‘repulsed and disgusted by’.

If you have a challenge with literal comprehension and needing very explicit phrasing to be used, it would have been helpful to explain this. Because this appears really offensive.

We are talking explicitly and solely about physical attraction to someone who may be a sexual partner.

My takeaway from what you are saying here is that:

• you aren't disgusted by male bodies such as your child's so you're not disgusted by male bodies as sexual partners are you
• it's weird and wrong to feel like this.

Your internalised homophobia is off the scale here OP. You are on a mission to try and reframe homosexuality as bisexuality, and to make it very clear that homosexual females are a minority of weirdos who really need to stop.

The whole point of this thread was about respecting the ability of women who consider themselves to be lesbians to define their own sexuality if they consider trans women to be women and are attracted to trans women.

People can define (or rather, simply, have) their own sexuality. But that doesn't mean they can redefine words with specific meanings necessary to a specific group.

Men can't redefine the word woman. Women who aren't same-sex attracted shouldn't redefine the word lesbian - whyever do that, when other appropriate terms such as bisexual, pan, homogenderal exist?

'I have a wonderful female partner, who I’ve been with for many years. Before her, I had a lovely boyfriend for several years, who I was also very attracted to.'

You say it loud and clear. You are attracted to men & women. That's bisexual - enjoy and be proud.

Nothing to do with having and raising CHILDREN for goodness' sake! This is a chat about same-sex attraction, adult relationships - love making - the constant craving that KD Lang sang about - delight & desire -

That's why I'm jealous of straight men - they get to date women and admit their attraction as a birthright.

It's why we're often jealous of Gold Start lesbians - they never had to go through the disgusting part to get to women. If I could obliterate the memory of the men I had to engage with on my route to women, I would - and I haven't met any lesbians who were less 'absolute' and 'clear' than this.

I have met bisexual women who waver more, obviously.

Would you be asking a Gay man why he wasn't attracted to women? Wasn't this the entire running joke of a comedy show, 'Gimme Gimme Gimme'?

This should all be a big joke and sadly it's not. No long-running comic show for us, just the invasion of our former lesbian clubs and spaces by the repulsive and repellent.

I'll keep using this clear language because it might help comprehension.

We're lesbians; just get over it already.

So pp was suggesting this is the case for all lesbians, and that this is somehow related to the fact that no lesbian can be attracted to a trans woman.

No, I don't think that's what she was doing at all.

Yes, let's make "homogenderal" a thing. You identified a concept which needs a word, people who are only attracted to feminine gendered people and women. I agree, OP! Now you have a word.

I don’t think that many of the lesbians I know shudder just at the thought of a male body, and are disgusted and repulsed by all male bodies.

And I doubt knowing your opinions which are rather for lesbians accepting male bodies, that they are going to tell you anything different if they wish to remain your friend.

You, a bisexual person, are telling the lesbians on this thread that you think that they are a minority. Lesbians who have been lesbians for decades, who know probably more lesbians than you do, are telling you what they believe and they seem pretty confident that they are not alone in their feelings.

So, no. I suspect if you actually asked that question now at a lesbian event, you will not be given a truthful answer.

So you are what, guessing? Based on your bisexual experience and applying it to lesbians? Because they are part of the LGB community so you are expert?

You are on a mission to try and reframe homosexuality as bisexuality, and to make it very clear that homosexual females are a minority of weirdos who really need to stop.

This is my take too.

Thanks QueenHypollyta! 'Right on my Lesbian sister. We're telling it like it is!
We need to do it for the sake of our young Lesbians who need
us to stand up for them! Empower them to say: NO!'

An idea: the majority of women being straight, and having husbands/male partners --

I suggest they ask their nearest & dearest - if they were on some island stranded with a transwoman - they'd be turned on by the idea of stroking this person's stomach during some romantic passion, then taking their hand further down to grasp a...not sure I can say this on this forum - the solid representation of the transwoman's desire?

But this is what the OP is suggesting: that we get over our sexual orientation in the same way that this anecdote asks straight men to expand their 'bandwidth.'

And have you noticed that in amongst this gaslighting there's little talk of the pleasure and delights of being with women...

That electrical thrill under the skin that I get just when my wife reaches for my hand when we're driving - the humming of all these nerve endings under our skin at a woman's touch....after all these years.

I can't get 're-wired' just to affirm some man's gender dysphoria....sorry not sorry.

So glad I made it....

(not being Straight exclusionary here, am assuming the majority Straight women and Bi women on this site feel the same way about men)....

Seems to me that the OP doesn't accept the fact that many of us are only attracted to one sex. She is bisexual and so deep down believes we are all bisexual. It's a total non starter. This thread will rumble on and on until we accept that everyone deep down is bisexual.

I see that Alex Sharpe is on Twitter praising the OP for this 'logical' post, and berating the 'illogical' replies. Yes, apparently it's totally illogical to object that lesbians don't like cock.

We all know that lesbians are same-sex attracted women. And we all know that bisexuals are attracted to either sex. It doesn't make sense to allow people to 'self-identify' their sexuality, as it makes the categories entirely useless. You could end up with a situation where a male/female, male/male/ and female/female couple ALL identify as lesbian...in which case, what on earth are they defining themselves as?

The reason that actual reality is being pushed aside in favour of self identification is because trans women cannot abide the idea of not being lesbian. They very much want to be regarded as lesbians, and do not like the fact that any woman who is with them is bisexual. They don't get validation from being part of a bisexual couple, but get heaps from being seen as a lesbian. And so that means our entire normal ways of speaking about sexual orientations must go out the window.

As an aside, I remember a few years ago reading a book about men who identified as 'straight' but who routinely had sex with men. The reason they said they were straight was because they liked their wives and families, were socially and religiously conservative, and associated being gay with a liberal lifestyle. But here's the thing...these men can call themselves what they like, but we all know that if a man has sex with his male friend every week he isn't straight!

Totally illogical for a female to have a sexuality and a body that is of no use to a male.

Readers of this thread I'm sure will have their opinions further formed by the jeers on Twitter at homosexual females who don't intend to change to be more use to male people's sex lives. And have been trying to explain why instead of just getting on with cock like good girls.

And this is a political movement that spends a lot of time talking about other peoples intolerance and bigotry. It's sheer projection, it really is.

I thought we were "bubonic plague"? Strange of Alex wanting to sully themselves by reading the likes of us.

Alex and the Op are worried that we Lesbian women are now organizing together to call out transwomen as men publically and ruin their validation.
We are the advance guard; next will be women's same-sex spaces.

When we women get together and assert our power instead of 'being kind' it's another 2nd Wave. An important lesson I've learned is that I will not rejoin LGB groups...my efforts will only go for Women's + Lesbian Liberation.

What @QueenHippolyta said.

Just been musing about all this.

Traditionally, a lesbian telling a straight man who's chatting her up that she's homosexual could be interpreted as a sort of kindness - it could leave the man thinking, 'it's not about me, if she were straight she'd be all over me, Adonis that I am'. Of course, that's not the intention behind the lesbian's words - she may well be thinking 'ugh all men utterly repulse me, just get away' but she doesn't express that explicitly.

A trans woman approaches a lesbian and the same exchange ensues - a rebuff of 'no, I'm homosexual' - this apparently the opposite of kindness (and we all know how TRAs would label it) - so what is the lesbian to do? If they choose to 'be kind' and don't declare their homosexuality they end up having to fend off the unwanted advance in a roundabout way 'you're not my type, sorry', 'I already have a girlfriend' etc. Still, in their mind, they may well be screaming 'ugh man penis repulsive'. I believe that being a lesbian should exempt you from having to do this ridiculous dance, particularly now that homosexuality is supposed to be accepted. If the trans woman is persistent, that could be a lot of lies the lesbian has to tell, and an unpleasant evening in the pub.

Of course ideally every man should accept a simple 'no' from any woman at any time, and that's what society should be working towards - an end to rape culture, sexual harassment and on and on. Instead women are having to try and reinstate boundaries that have been obvious for a long time - it's truly regressive.