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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

DDs nursery asking for donations to Mermaids

156 replies

AnonGCMum · 04/08/2022 14:28

(Regular reader and occasional poster, have name changed for this)

Next week the nursery my two DDs attend (age 2 and 4) are going to be making cakes to sell in aid of Mermaids. As well as bringing in money to buy the cakes we’re
being asked to donate the ingredients.

I don’t want any of my money going to Mermaids. If it was just my 2yo I’d pretend to forget about it, but my 4yo has already reminded me twice. I’m not sure ‘forgetting’ will work with her.

I’ll also a bit concerned about what they might be teaching the children. They put a few photos up on an app each day so we can see what they’re doing and yesterday the update for my 2year old’s class included a picture of a handwritten display about the pride flag including the words “pink=trans joy”. I’m trying not to be pearl-clutchy about it and I’m fine with them learning things like ‘some people have two mummies’ but trans joy and Mermaids? At 2 and 4?!

Would you say something? Should I? I’m not brave about speaking up on these things. I’ll probably just leave my purse at home next week and ignore the rest, but what would you do?

OP posts:
Floisme · 04/08/2022 16:25

I believe a lot of organisations leave it to their staff to nominate 'Charity of the Month (or whatever) and don't get that closely involved. So I think it's just about possible that this has been instigated not by the nursery management but by an individual member of staff, maybe someone with a personal connection to Mermaids. It still needs dealing with but - definitely - I think I'd start with 'I was very surprised to see this given the connection with the Tavistock'. Their response should tell you what you need to know.

nomistake · 04/08/2022 16:25

Do your kids go to a nursery beginning with P on the south coast (pretty sure I can guess where the wokest city is). If so my kids used to go here and I see recent FB posts have been quite Pride heavy...

Original poster
AnonGCMum · 04/08/2022 16:27

RebeccaCloud9 · 04/08/2022 16:06

My guess for wokest city is Brighton.

I guess your username is a coincidence but in case not - the cakes at Cloud 9 in Brighton are the BEST.

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 04/08/2022 16:31

I'd be clutching my pearls for sure.

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 04/08/2022 16:31

I would absolutely get my children out of there asap. Not only would I be concerned about them peddling harmful gender ideology to toddlers but also your children will be at risk of having care providers who may be of the opposite sex to what you’re being told. So men (transwomen) being entrusted with the intimate care of your tiny daughters. No Thank You.
What is wrong with your husband that he has so little regard for the women and girls in his life FFS?

Original poster
AnonGCMum · 04/08/2022 16:32

I’ve written an anonymous post on my local parenting Facebook group. A lot of other parents from the nursery are on there, and even the manager. If the post gets approved by admin I’ll see what the comments are like on there before deciding how to proceed.

OP posts:
unicormb · 04/08/2022 16:34

Brighton, right?

Original poster
AnonGCMum · 04/08/2022 16:43

@FatFilledTrottyPuss DH just doesn’t get it. About three years ago I asked him if, when DD is secondary school age, would he be ok with a boy declaring himself a girl and getting changed with the girls for PE. He said he would be fine with it, DD should be too, and if she had a problem then she ought to change elsewhere, not the boy.

We’ve mostly agreed to not talk about it since.

OP posts:
Seraphina1993 · 04/08/2022 16:48

AnonGCMum · 04/08/2022 16:43

@FatFilledTrottyPuss DH just doesn’t get it. About three years ago I asked him if, when DD is secondary school age, would he be ok with a boy declaring himself a girl and getting changed with the girls for PE. He said he would be fine with it, DD should be too, and if she had a problem then she ought to change elsewhere, not the boy.

We’ve mostly agreed to not talk about it since.

Christ Confused

achillestoes · 04/08/2022 16:52

‘He said he would be fine with it, DD should be too, and if she had a problem then she ought to change elsewhere, not the boy.’

The list of things girls should be ‘fine’ with has never been longer, has it?

WhoopItUp · 04/08/2022 16:56

AnonGCMum · 04/08/2022 16:43

@FatFilledTrottyPuss DH just doesn’t get it. About three years ago I asked him if, when DD is secondary school age, would he be ok with a boy declaring himself a girl and getting changed with the girls for PE. He said he would be fine with it, DD should be too, and if she had a problem then she ought to change elsewhere, not the boy.

We’ve mostly agreed to not talk about it since.

Would he be OK with her declaring herself a boy and changing with teen boys I wonder?

Oblomov22 · 04/08/2022 17:06

This would bother me a lot. Enough to at least make enquiries as to changing nurseries. I'd at least send a strongly worded email.

WeeTorag · 04/08/2022 17:15

unwashedanddazed · 04/08/2022 15:00

I would ask if they know that Mermaids gets lottery funding and corporate sponsorship from the likes of Starbucks, so they're not really struggling. Then suggest a small local charity for children with disabilities that might benefit much more from the small amount that a nursery cake sale might raise.

My thoughts exactly @unwashedanddazed. They don't need the money!! It's a good get out clause too.

Franca123 · 04/08/2022 17:18

Wowser to the husband. That's a biggy. I'd get a recording of him saying that and play it back to him in a few years when he's been deprogrammed.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 04/08/2022 17:20

Mermaids seems a very strange choice for a children’s nursery cake sale. I understand the nursery manager might be wanting to teach inclusivity but being trans seems a complex issue for pre-schoolers, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t have gone for Pride or, even better, something relevant and understandable to toddlers. My assumption would be that there is either a trans child at the nursery or a child with a close trans family member (Eg: sibling) and that this is the nurseries way of virtue signalling to the family that they’re accepting of that.

achillestoes · 04/08/2022 17:21

I’d be asking him why he has no respect for his daughter’s choices and privacy.

Musomama1 · 04/08/2022 17:23

I wouldn't be afraid to out yourself in this situation. The recent Tavistock closure has given you plenty of literature to back up your arguments.

Go for it and ask them some hard questions. It's only nursery.

Irridescantshimmmer · 04/08/2022 17:23

Thats why they are going for the kids, pester power and right as the country is tipping into a recession with the cost of living rises of food, fuel and energy have gone beserk.

If this is not bang out of order to demand donations from parents via kids, then I don't know what is.

I hope you stand your ground with them.

pastaandpesto · 04/08/2022 17:25

AnonGCMum · 04/08/2022 16:43

@FatFilledTrottyPuss DH just doesn’t get it. About three years ago I asked him if, when DD is secondary school age, would he be ok with a boy declaring himself a girl and getting changed with the girls for PE. He said he would be fine with it, DD should be too, and if she had a problem then she ought to change elsewhere, not the boy.

We’ve mostly agreed to not talk about it since.

Blimey OP, that isn't great. I know all couples have their differences of opinion, but ideally its about stuff like how to load the dishwasher or what decade had the best music. I honestly don't know how I would respond if DH genuinely held those views.

If you live in Brighton, you are going to be dealing with this shit everywhere. I think you are going to find it very, very hard to manage this if you and your DH are on such different pages.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/08/2022 17:27

It doesn’t help that DH has swallowed the TWAW koolaid and implied he thinks I’m bigoted for having an issue with any of it.

Let him make cake then. I bloody wouldn't be.

Or is he one of those beardy wokey brocialist men who hate oppression but are perfectly happy for women to carry on doing all the child-related labour?

CousinGregg · 04/08/2022 17:34

Wow! I’m dreading this crap coming up for child. I’m in Brighton too! Nothing but brainwashing and indoctrination.

ThunderstomsAreComing · 04/08/2022 17:35

@AnonGCMum I've PMd you!

maeveiscurious · 04/08/2022 17:35

I'd move my children it's sexualisation.

SirVixofVixHall · 04/08/2022 17:38

Friend is in Brighton , I wonder what it is like in her dc’s school. I will ask her.
But anyway, bloody hell, do not pay these crazy people , find another nursery.
I would be loudly saying why I was not prepared to donate cake etc.

LSSG · 04/08/2022 17:48

Floisme · 04/08/2022 16:25

I believe a lot of organisations leave it to their staff to nominate 'Charity of the Month (or whatever) and don't get that closely involved. So I think it's just about possible that this has been instigated not by the nursery management but by an individual member of staff, maybe someone with a personal connection to Mermaids. It still needs dealing with but - definitely - I think I'd start with 'I was very surprised to see this given the connection with the Tavistock'. Their response should tell you what you need to know.

I'm the other side of the same city and a 'talk' was given to 4-6yos at Rainbows about trans issues and pronouns (no word to the parents beforehand). Madness. This happened apparently, as you say, because some of the volunteers identify as NB/trans. Never known there to be any similar talk relating to any other such issue!