I am embracing virtue signalling pronouns in emails

[MsFogi]

I have realised I have made too many assumptions about gender over the years. I had always assumed that Paul (name changed of course) in my company was a man simply on the basis of his appearance (well over 6 foot, well built, big beard, low voice that only someone with an Adam's apple and whose balls have dropped could have). Imagine my relief to find that I have not been misgendering him for over a decade because he has helpfully added his pronouns to his email auto signature - they are he/him/his. There is no company diktat to add pronouns on emails so clearly this is important to Paul or maybe he has been misgendered recently.

So, I thought I would ensure that Paul was not offended on a Teams meeting this afternoon and kicked off the meeting by asking everyone to note that Paul's pronouns are he/him/his and that given that he has stated these that everyone please be sensitive to ensuring that they use them. No one said anything so I think they all took it on board, no one misgendered Paul and I like to think that his move to include his pronouns at work has been embraced in my meeting. Maybe as a result others that attended the meeting will add theirs to their auto signatures too.

He didn’t have to. We don’t know why he did it, but it might be because (like me) he wanted to normalise the inclusion of pronouns in email signatures to make things slightly easier for those who have more need of them (because they are otherwise likely to be misgendered).

@Tryingtokeepgoing

Keep up, the OP was doing it correctly. You never know hairy Paul might be mistaken for a female if he didn't tell everyone. How awful would that be!

If you are a they/them, do you get two portions of the friday doughnuts? Or multiple?

Oh my god. Not Misgendering.

Well that’s his own lookout then. Play the virtue signalling game, get the mockery prizes.

If Paul puts his preferred pronouns on his emails then I take it that it means he wants everyone to use them? Is that not the case? Oh my this shite is sooooooo complicated. Why put them if not to use them? So bullying assumption above is incorrect then.

@AlisonDonut Thank you , that was an excellent post, so true, and really worth considering:

'Comforting to know it wasn't a man?

And it was the pronoun that comforted you?

Are you aware that many, many men now use she/her and this could lull you into a false sense of security...almost like if it were some sort of calm inducing drug'

"AlisonDonut · Today 23:03
If you are a they/them, do you get two portions of the friday doughnuts? Or multiple?"

Wow I hope so. Can I be a everyone/all of them pronoun and eat the bloody lot?

Apropos misgendering, I thought words weren’t a big deal and labels were meaningless. At least that’s what we get told when we complain about being called uterus havers. So which is it? Are pronouns just words so misgendering is no big deal, or is misgendering literal violence?

@Kanaloa

Oh my gosh - you have fallen into the old fashioned trap of assuming that Paul looks like a bloke so must be a bloke - you really shouldn't you know - Paul might have been a 6ft woman with a beard with a more masculine female appearance. How very dare you make assumptions.

Who are you to go around telling work colleagues how to speak? Presumably you keep a list at work of every bodies correct pronouns, you should send it out from HR to the entire company so nobody ever makes a dreaded pro noun deadly mistake. Perhaps HR could devise a three times and you are fired target.

I can just see @aseriesofstillimages as the pronoun police. Like Paul Blart Mall cop but with a list of pronouns on a clipboard and a Segway to chase down misgenderers

How would he know if someone said he if he wanted them to say she, you wouldnt use a pronoun in front of someone because thats not how language works. You would only say she or he if you are talknig about someone when they're not there

Its a bit like age. No one knows my age, they might guess it. What if they think Im older or younger than I am, will I be triggered and distraught and traumatised? Will it make a difference to what my actual age is or what I feel I am?

I’m more than happy to take the job if it comes with a Segway

I’m sure you would be @aseriesofstillimages . You seem that type of person. Any hint of a bit of power over people and you’d be right there. Especially if it involved controlling women and their speech

No one has suggested people shouldn’t use them, or that Paul doesn’t want people to use them.

I mean, it would mostly be the Segway if I’m honest. I’m not particularly good at controlling women’s speech, starting with my own.

So what is the problem then? Paul wants people to use them, OP reminded people to use them. Everyone is happy. Paul gets to polish his halo and the rest of his colleagues know what kind of person he is. Bet he has a beard and does the thumbs up sign unironically.

But not talk about them, because Paul might be embarrassed, like if Paul had farted.

Words have power, I think we all know that. That’s not inconsistent with acknowledging that words, and particularly categories and labels, serve certain purposes and are generally not neutral.

Ok, so if a colleague includes in their email signature that they work Monday to Thursday, it’s fine for their manager to unilaterally decide in a team meeting to announce how important it is that everyone is aware this person only works Monday to Thursday? The individual wants their colleagues and contacts to be aware of the days they work on, that doesn’t mean that want a big fuss or attention being drawn to it.

Yes, that's what team meetings are for, amongst other things. Particularly, nowadays when team members might not be in the same office. It's not like OP baked a cake or hung up bunting. It's AOB.

@aseriesofstillimages That is a poor analogy. As someone who did indeed work Monday to Thursday in the days when that was very unusual in a senior role ( before the internet was more than a twinkle) I would have been delighted if my ‘manager’ had reminded everyone not to ring me up at home and fix meetings for me on Fridays, because they didn’t bloody pay me for Friday.

The difference being that disseminating and repeating that information would have been beneficial for me, and maybe useful for other people who didn’t know it or wanted an excuse to ignore it. Paul, on the other hand is just stating the obvious, something which as far as we can tell is not different from what anyone would expect having taken one glance at him, and which has not changed since the last meeting.

Really I don’t know why I’m bothering to write this, since the post I am replying to is clearly disingenuous. I thought it was terrific OP. I’d join your team like a shot.

But we’re talking about a scenario where the staff member has always worked Mondays to Thursdays, it’s not a new thing, but the person has just decided it might be helpful to include it in their email signature. Let’s say others in the team work part time, but no one else includes their working pattern in their email signature.

The team leader is specifically saying to the team: “please note this person has stated in their email signature that they work Monday to Thursday. It is clearly very important to them that you are all aware that they work Monday to Thursday’.

That would be quite weird wouldn’t it?

I have a feminine name ending in ia. I also use the title Mrs in my email signature. If anyone isn't sure of my pronouns they must have had a lobotomy. If required, I shall add my pronouns "I and me"