I am embracing virtue signalling pronouns in emails

[MsFogi]

I have realised I have made too many assumptions about gender over the years. I had always assumed that Paul (name changed of course) in my company was a man simply on the basis of his appearance (well over 6 foot, well built, big beard, low voice that only someone with an Adam's apple and whose balls have dropped could have). Imagine my relief to find that I have not been misgendering him for over a decade because he has helpfully added his pronouns to his email auto signature - they are he/him/his. There is no company diktat to add pronouns on emails so clearly this is important to Paul or maybe he has been misgendered recently.

So, I thought I would ensure that Paul was not offended on a Teams meeting this afternoon and kicked off the meeting by asking everyone to note that Paul's pronouns are he/him/his and that given that he has stated these that everyone please be sensitive to ensuring that they use them. No one said anything so I think they all took it on board, no one misgendered Paul and I like to think that his move to include his pronouns at work has been embraced in my meeting. Maybe as a result others that attended the meeting will add theirs to their auto signatures too.

Respect my pronouns they shout, Op advised colleagues to respect Paul's pronouns, No, don't tell anyone someone's pronouns even though they've just announced them on their email signature they shout.

The contradictions and pretzel twisting defies all logic.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

Comforting to know it wasn't a man?

And it was the pronoun that comforted you?

Are you aware that many, many men now use she/her and this could lull you into a false sense of security...almost like if it were some sort of calm inducing drug.

Gosh the etiquette around this just becomes more complicated and kafkaesque by the day

You speak to your employee privately or check your company policy/check with a superior. What you don’t do is take the piss out of them at a staff meeting. It’s genuinely not that hard - anyone with the base level of intelligence to end up a manager of other people would be able to figure that out.

How about we just ignore the pronouns crap. It is not needed. Let’s go with star signs as well. About as much use

You refer to them as they/them, and correct others politely if you hear them using a different pronoun for the person.

It's a bit odd though, because I have seen people take on the role of announcing an employee or colleague's pronouns many, many times.

And I don't think there were email chains discussing it before hand. It's just been tacitly accepted that you show support for trans people and non-binary people by telling everyone else about their pronouns.

You refer to them as they/them, and correct others politely if you hear them using a different pronoun for the person.

In the words of my dear old dad, says who?

Well indeed, it is at best unprofessional, and at worst bullying. I’m not sure what the OP thought they were achieving? Anyone in the team / on the call who was thinking of doing the same, perhaps because they had a genuine desire to clarify and let people know how they’d like to be addressed, will likely now not feel comfortable in doing so. And that’s wrong.

Precisely

No. I might refer to them by their preferred pronouns, but I would not compel others to do likewise. Why would I do that?

So you do police pronoun use on other people's behalf then.

Just as I have seen. And by "refer to them as they/them", you mean loudly and pointedly use the specified pronouns in order to model the usage for the other people. Let's be honest here. I'm a millennial. I know.

I’m not sure what the OP thought they were achieving?

What I think it would have achieved is to give everyone - including Paul - pause for thought about the significance (or lack thereof) of pronouns in email signatures.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. I’ve seen people correct other people about a colleague’s pronouns if they’ve used the wrong one, but I can’t recall anyone at work just announcing another person’s pronouns for them.

Why. OP was making it very clear she supports people using preferred pronouns and will take steps to ensure people are not misgendered.

I want to nominate this for mumsnet classics but feel it wouldnt make the cut

Basically everyone and I mean everyone (85 year old Doris I'm talking to you too) please ensure you sign off all correspondence with your preferred pronouns (don't worry Doris I'll explain it to you again). Now everyone's joined in the game and made it so normal we never have to mention the p word again. Everyone is now happy and comfortable and will never be misgendered again and we all lived happily ever after..

Common sense? Common courtesy?

Common sense? Common courtesy?

Matter of opinion.

but it is not common sense. It is the complete opposite. It’s narcissistic twiddle and virtue signalling. I’m with the OP on this one.

For personal reasons at that time I found it very comforting to know it was a woman I’d be meeting with and not a man.

But you still don’t know this from the pronouns in signatures! A photo, generally yes. But pronouns in signatures could have led you into a false sense of security.

Common sense that a 6ft bloke with a beard, Adam’s apple and penis has to put ‘he/him’ in his email signature?

Really?

There's a whole rogue's gallery of she/her.

Autocorrupt wanted to put 'rouge', I think it's becoming self-aware.

What if, when hearing that you are meeting they/them, the meeting never goes ahead as only one person showed up? You aren't thinking this virtue signalling through at all are you? You'll be sat there, possibly for hours, not knowing how to ask the person whether their other half is going to show or not.

Well done.

I'm going for he/she on a Monday, she on a Tuesday, he on a Wednesday, The/they on a Thursday and Friday and everyone better watch out they get it right or I will complain immediately that they have misgendered me.