I am embracing virtue signalling pronouns in emails

[MsFogi]

I have realised I have made too many assumptions about gender over the years. I had always assumed that Paul (name changed of course) in my company was a man simply on the basis of his appearance (well over 6 foot, well built, big beard, low voice that only someone with an Adam's apple and whose balls have dropped could have). Imagine my relief to find that I have not been misgendering him for over a decade because he has helpfully added his pronouns to his email auto signature - they are he/him/his. There is no company diktat to add pronouns on emails so clearly this is important to Paul or maybe he has been misgendered recently.

So, I thought I would ensure that Paul was not offended on a Teams meeting this afternoon and kicked off the meeting by asking everyone to note that Paul's pronouns are he/him/his and that given that he has stated these that everyone please be sensitive to ensuring that they use them. No one said anything so I think they all took it on board, no one misgendered Paul and I like to think that his move to include his pronouns at work has been embraced in my meeting. Maybe as a result others that attended the meeting will add theirs to their auto signatures too.

Just thinking about this, the first time I saw this on an email signature was in 2018 and it was a woman who works at the Home Office.

I couldnt understand it, it put me right off her, i thought she was quite sensible up until then

So now we have Schrodinger's pronouns.

So why is informing everyone about the pronouns Paul prefers bullying? Surely it is to help Paul avoid the risk of being misgendered? If Pail didn’t want people to know his pronouns, why put them in his email signature?

I assume you mean anyone who doesn't also put their favourite sexual position rather than anyone who doesn't offer to do your favourite position with you?!!!!!

@DialSquare

The problem is that even if she hadn’t been doing it to make a point, this would not be an appropriate way to approach the situation. Say for example a member of staff had put their pronouns in their email signature as ‘they/them’ - it would not be appropriate for their manager (or anyone else) to point this out in a team meeting, unless they had first asked the individual whether they wanted the manager to do that.

But then what if people misgendered the they/them person by calling them the pronouns of their sex? Surely that would be upsetting to the they/them person. The managers can’t win can they?

Why are they on the email signature then?

Sounds like you were mocking his use of pronouns?

Well here we are living with this pointless fad that we never asked for, don't need and don't agree with. So yes we can mock the sheer stupidity of Paul feeling the need to state his pronouns for whatever reason. It certainly wasn't incase he would be misgendered. The op was graciously affirming his pronouns and reminding colleagues to take note. Very kind and progressive of them.

I have a David whose "he/him" comes up following his photo (in which he looks 100% male) and name.

I always want to ask him when he became so insecure in his masculinity that he felt the need to remind people. Is he afraid someone might think he's a woman and send him a dick pic?

It especially rubs me the wrong way, because I learnt within my first two years of the internet to always use unisex usernames on forums and such, because otherwise the sexual harassment and condescension were unbearable.

Men like David can afford to remind people of their sex online. It is an assertion of status and a reminder to all that they are the type of human that is treated with respect in the workplace and is NOT sent unsolicited dick pics.

Why wouldn’t it be appropriate?

Hear hear. The levels of childish nastiness on this thread are depressing.

Say for example a member of staff had put their pronouns in their email signature as ‘they/them’ - it would not be appropriate for their manager (or anyone else) to point this out in a team meeting, unless they had first asked the individual whether they wanted the manager to do that.

It's hardly a secret. Is it a sensitive subject? If so, why is Paul telling all and sundry via email? If not, why not mention it among close colleagues?

Alternatively... Paul is an adult who has made a (silly) choice. If OP gives him a bit of very gentle stick, that's shouldn't be the end of the world.

Haha I was about to say exactly that 😂 they both exist (on email) while not existing (as acknowledged in a meeting)

so you’ve just signed off an email and you’re walking to a meeting room… in that moment, do the pronouns exist or not? 😁

Why, would it make a difference if it's a colleague you've never met is a man or a woman? What kind of difference, it's just a colleague, you're talking about work, presumably?

Thank you for supporting Paul.

Poor Paul. Hope he/him feels better in the morning.

No, it wasn’t a colleague. I’ve explained already but I felt more comfortable knowing it was a woman. Obviously would rather not go into the whole situation as it’s private but it lessened my anxiety to be able to imagine her/know it was a woman I’d be meeting with. Either way (despite not being a fan of the current trans movement and the damage it is doing/has done to woman’s rights) I don’t think this is professional behaviour. If op doesn’t want people to use pronouns in email signatures/it’s against company policy she as senior staff should be taking them quietly aside and saying ‘sorry Paul but we don’t use pronouns, please remove it asap.’ If it isn’t against company policy then op is inappropriate for giving an employee she is in charge of ‘gentle stick’ at a team meeting for any reason.

Don’t use pronouns in email signatures is what I mean. That could have been conveyed to him as appropriate. And if it’s allowed by the company then op’s personal feelings on it don’t allow her to belittle and bully her employees really - she would need to raise it with the company to possibly look at changing policy to ban it rather than mocking specific staff members she manages.

The best thing to do depends on the precise circumstances. If an existing member of staff changes their pronouns their manager should ask them how they want it handled - eg whether it should be actively brought to the team’s attention, or if they will just correct people politely if they use the wrong pronoun.

If it’s a case of a new person joining the team, then it’s for that person to decide whether to announce their pronouns when being introduced to people, or just correct them if they assume the wrong pronoun.

but paul put his pronouns in his signature so must have wanted everyone to know them, otherwise why do it? Unless he was just jumping on a bandwagon?

Can we just get this ironed out? If you are a 'transinclusive' manager, and an employee comes out as non-binary by putting "they/them/theirs" in an email signature, what should you do?

Do you leave the burden of explaining the pronouns to everyone else on the employee? Or is it your responsibility to notify people on your employee's behalf?

Cross-post.

So there is no set rule, then. Well, that's just jolly.

That’s why I’m convinced this is all narcissistic claptrap. It’s virtue signalling on the part of Paul and it dies out managers in an awkward position. It’s a trend that needs to be stopped.

Puts even.