I am embracing virtue signalling pronouns in emails

[MsFogi]

I have realised I have made too many assumptions about gender over the years. I had always assumed that Paul (name changed of course) in my company was a man simply on the basis of his appearance (well over 6 foot, well built, big beard, low voice that only someone with an Adam's apple and whose balls have dropped could have). Imagine my relief to find that I have not been misgendering him for over a decade because he has helpfully added his pronouns to his email auto signature - they are he/him/his. There is no company diktat to add pronouns on emails so clearly this is important to Paul or maybe he has been misgendered recently.

So, I thought I would ensure that Paul was not offended on a Teams meeting this afternoon and kicked off the meeting by asking everyone to note that Paul's pronouns are he/him/his and that given that he has stated these that everyone please be sensitive to ensuring that they use them. No one said anything so I think they all took it on board, no one misgendered Paul and I like to think that his move to include his pronouns at work has been embraced in my meeting. Maybe as a result others that attended the meeting will add theirs to their auto signatures too.

Knock me down with a feather, Clever Trevor
Widebrows wonder whether Clever Trevor's clever
Either have they got, nor neither haven't not
Got no right to make a clot out of Trevor

Brilliant! 👍

Because Paul likely didn't ask the op to do this. sounds like she took it upon herself. If it was important to him he could let everyone know himself couldn't he.

Look I don't like the pronouns thing either but I agree this sounds a bit bullying, deliberately embarrassing Paul when he most likely just wanted to be doing the right thing.. I wince and judge every time I see people do it but it's their choice 🤷

He probably doesn’t care does he, like people that put a picture of the Ukraine flag on their profile. But good for you.

Maybe Paul should have also stated that he didn't want anyone to use his pronouns?

So now we have to know without asking, whether people actually want us to use their stated pronouns, or if we're not supposed to because it is mocking them?

Is this the next level of 'I'm the most special and interesting' Top Trumps?

Should we all note our age, whether we have any disabilities, our race, our natal sex, our religion and/or any mainstream beliefs that we have, on every email and at the beginning of every meeting, just so that everyone knows what they are? What could possibly go wrong?!

Should I also mention my blood group? Natural hair colour? Favourite place to go on holiday? Worst childhood memory? What my parents did for a living? Where I went to school? I mean, why not?!

@Terfydactyl it's the intent isn't it. Of course neither of us was at that meeting so can't be sure, but based on the OPs posts on this thread the intent did not seem to be to make Paul feel included. If that was the intent then I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

it's the intent isn't it. Of course neither of us was at that meeting so can't be sure, but based on the OPs posts on this thread the intent did not seem to be to make Paul feel included.
Exactly, comes across as the opposite.

At my place, most senior managers declare pronouns. Otherwise very few people do, apart from those in HR. It's obvious there has been some edict initiated by HR then delivered from on high to certain levels of management strongly suggesting the use of pronouns.

Ironically this has resulted in the embarrassing own goal of highlighting that almost all our senior managers are he/hims.

It's particularly obvious when there are large zoom calls because names with pronouns tend to stand out visually, so the effect is "he/him - manager, he/him - manager, he/him - manager, ooh she/her! oh, HR. He/him - manager..."

What do you mean - "you knew who to expect"? Did you assume that a he/his would be male and a she/her female?
How incredibly transphobic of you!

The thing is, anti-discrimination legislation is absolutely not about intent.

What if Paul’s declaration of pronouns makes anyone else feel uncomfortable or degraded, even if that’s not Paul’s intention?

Let’s face it, we all Know that OP may very well be taking the proverbial. But isn’t this what some parts of society do…? As in, try to obligate others to subscribe to legal and scientific fiction?

Obviously nobody is saying not to use his pronouns. They’re saying that making a big fuss at a meeting of his colleagues thay he’s added something to his email (most likely encouraged by the popular movement and wanting to not seem out of touch) then posting online for congratulations is so unprofessional it’s untrue.

It’s a nasty belittling little move so op could show she doesn’t agree with the whole pronouns movement. But it’s not the right way to go about it at all.

The moment I see pronouns on any form of communication I feel uneasy - aware that the person has taken an ideological position about an issue that is very different to mine. And that they are very likely to consider me bigoted for not agreeing with them.

On the thankfully rare occasions I've been asked for my pronouns at a meeting (IRL or on-line) I'm immediately on the defensive and aware that this is a way of categorising people - and potentially dismissing them.

So it's the opposite of neutral, polite, or inclusive. I'd rather not make people feel uncomfortable but this is a form of coerced speech and I'm not willing to just go along with it. The OP's response is bloody magnifcent!

Yes exactly. The intent (including this thread) was obviously to make him feel small or stupid for trying to join in with it. But actually we’d get a lot further if we accept that most of the people who go along with this movement are swept up in it because they’re trying to do the right thing, just not quite getting there. Singling them out to look stupid in a professional environment is just nasty and op’s intent obviously was specifically to make him look bad.

Maybe one should elucidate on the other 99 potential genders (with invented unique pronouns) which one should not use when referring to Barry etc.

In fact all meeting could just be about pronouns. Which to use, and which to not use.

🙄

No flies on you are there?

No flies on you are there?
Least you've got the guts to say it out loud.
So yes, definitely unprofessional and bit bullying in the workplace to single out for mockery/fake pretend inclusion and running to the internet for praise on how funny they are and "I love you" posts.

I'm going to put my favourite sexual position on my next work email, and anyone who doesn't offer to do it with me will be reported to HR for the microaggression it clearly is.

Sounds like you were mocking his use of pronouns?

How would one share the fact that a person want us to all know the special words we must use when discussing them, without it seeming like a joke?

It's like the very straight article about Quidditch changing its name, in the Guardian, which could just as easily be from the onion.

I agree with you @Olderbadger1 . I wonder what the real intent of someone like Paul is in making this outward profession of faith. A bloke who no one has ever called a doe by mistake.

It is ideological and I find it very hostile. I don't think they are are doing it to be kind. Whiff of the inquisition about it, and I'd suspect they'd rather enjoy using what they think is licence to be discourteous to people (especially women) who don't agree or believe in this stuff.

he’s added something to his email (most likely encouraged by the popular movement and wanting to not seem out of touch

Paul is a grown adult. He chose to advertise "his" pronouns.

If he is now feeling a bit silly, well that's on him.

I enjoyed that OP 😊

Yes, it’s almost like those people who threaten women, get companies to apologise and grovel for misgendering and then go on the internet to boast about it. Or go into women’s spaces to ‘own the TERFS’ then go on the internet to boast and get love you posts. Why are you holding women to a higher standard than those people @GoodJanetBadJanet ?

Look I don't like the pronouns thing either but I agree this sounds a bit bullying, deliberately embarrassing Paul when he most likely just wanted to be doing the right thing..

I agree. Actually, a great many of the comments on this thread are downright nasty.