I am embracing virtue signalling pronouns in emails

[MsFogi]

I have realised I have made too many assumptions about gender over the years. I had always assumed that Paul (name changed of course) in my company was a man simply on the basis of his appearance (well over 6 foot, well built, big beard, low voice that only someone with an Adam's apple and whose balls have dropped could have). Imagine my relief to find that I have not been misgendering him for over a decade because he has helpfully added his pronouns to his email auto signature - they are he/him/his. There is no company diktat to add pronouns on emails so clearly this is important to Paul or maybe he has been misgendered recently.

So, I thought I would ensure that Paul was not offended on a Teams meeting this afternoon and kicked off the meeting by asking everyone to note that Paul's pronouns are he/him/his and that given that he has stated these that everyone please be sensitive to ensuring that they use them. No one said anything so I think they all took it on board, no one misgendered Paul and I like to think that his move to include his pronouns at work has been embraced in my meeting. Maybe as a result others that attended the meeting will add theirs to their auto signatures too.

How childish and bigoted to object to such a harmless practice. Calling it out in a meeting just makes you look ridiculous.

Why would it? She literally just reiterated what his self expressed pronouns were? No mockery.

If it’s a harmless practice and not important, why are certain people (some on this thread) so incensed by our disbelief in following it?

Did you see my post at 13.10 yesterday explaining why it's not a harmless practice?

If you read it and disagree I'm interested to know why.

Went back to look at this post. Spot on 👏

God, they’re still at it!

Do they not even realise that the more they fuss and stamp their feet, the longer this thread stays at the top of the board, and the more people realise this is a great form of innocuous rebellion that really fucking annoys them?

(also I have to say I find it very funny that someone claiming not to be a TRA is so mindbogglingly invested in this thread.)

It’s why I keep replying. Do you think they realise at some point if they don’t reply the thread will die….

Some posters seem to be stating by not putting pronouns you are unwelcoming and not understanding. Is this irony?

I don't, would never, put pronouns and I'm lovely.

The layers of power play involved in this ideology are complex. Because it is dressed up as progression and kindness, when it's nothing of the sort.

So it took me a while to make sure I was explaining myself, so thank you for calling it eloquent! And then I find this perfection from Baaaa, who has done it in half the time it took me.

Gaslighting a gaslighter. This bloke had his power ploy neutralised. It is unsurprising some people feel VERY uncomfortable about it. When you expect benefits from an action and it backfires, cognitive dissonance is the result. Good. It is not bullying. Bullying is what has been happening to people who call this out overtly.

People who are calling it mocking and piss taking are spectacularly missing the point.

It's neutralising the power.

And most women on here get it. Women posting about their instant identification of an underclass and an overclass. We are seeing recognition of women being provided as a service to those who dominate, whilst being hampered by the pretence that it's progressive so they can't complain.

If you are, as you say you are, gender critical, why are you not seeing the power being wielded by pronoun proclamations and the OP's deft means of disarmament? Whilst ostensibly adhering to all the conditions expected of her!

Yes, it's bloody clever.

But who are we supposed to be welcoming? Do we have to provide the people we are welcoming with hot beverages? That’s what I was taught to do?

Oh gosh, I'm sorry My last paragraph was meant to be addressed to Kanaloa

If you are, as you say you are, gender critical, why are you not seeing the power being wielded by pronoun proclamations and the OP's deft means of disarmament? Whilst ostensibly adhering to all the conditions expected of her!

Thank you for articulating so clearly why pronoun chat makes me feel uncomfortable

Yes the insinuation that displaying pronouns shows you are welcoming and supportive is actually disturbing and divisive. It's putting a label on those that don't as being horrible and uncaring. It's a form of manipulation to get people onside and I don't like it.

fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

'One of the biggest obstacles to halting the stampede over women’s rights is pronoun and preferred name ‘courtesy’. People severely underestimate the psychological impact to themselves, and to others, of compliance.'

To be fair, if the pronoun police think I am unwelcoming and unkind I don’t give a flying fart anymore. I’m done with pretending that this is not an ideology that harms women and girls, and is responsible for a lot of harm to very vulnerable females. They can fuck off to the far side of fuck as far as I am concerned. The elequent posters on here such as @Datun and @Olderbadger1 have expressed my concerns far better than I ever could, and helped me cement my views.

We don't need to know their gender either, so what's your point?

Welcoming and kind to whom?

Are these values extended equally to all people in the workplace?

Or is it a special, nurturing responsibility exclusively owed to special people by everyone else?

This is why the TRAs target this board. Because the eloquent posters are able to articulate the stuff that the rest of us know but find difficult to put into words. So many times reading this board I feel I've been given the words and the tools to challenge this crap that I wouldn't have otherwise.
Thank you to everyone who contributes time and effort in sharing their thoughts here. I for one hugely appreciate it and hope I'm carrying it forward with the letters I write and the conversations I have about this damaging and dangerous ideology.

Exactly. If you don't want people to discuss your pronouns why on earth would you put them in your signature?

The problem is that OP did what is demanded by making a big deal of pronouns, but she doesn't believe it in. It's not enough we do what's demanded if we don't pretend we believe then we're in the wrong.

I wish that all middle aged women would start putting they/them (or ideally their own made up pronouns) in their signatures. Because no-one accepts that someone who looks like a woman is allowed to do that. No woman takes her employer to work for misgendering. Everyone routinely misgenders boring biological women by calling them 'she/her' not bothering to find out if they identify as the service class who earns less and does all the shitwork.

I don't mind people calling me by sex based pronouns, but if they're using gender they can use my given gender pronouns of blah/bleurgh.

"Normalising the practice" is exactly what worries me. I started using the internet at 16.

By 18, I was a passionate trans activist who got very upset when people were misgendered. I was always compliant with other people's choices, including unique, personalised ones. Yet I'd also figured out the difference in responses from male users if I posted using a female username and female avatar, and I'd started picking usernames that didn't indicate my sex. Even back then, I would have resisted being told I had to indicate she/her/hers in my email signature, and as it happens, I never ever did it voluntarily. Why not? Because it would have constituted a personal sacrifice.

When men do it, it costs them nothing. But it costs women.

The problem is that OP did what is demanded by making a big deal of pronouns, but she doesn't believe it in. It's not enough we do what's demanded if we don't pretend we believe then we're in the wrong.

Exactly. If we don't believe in it we are expected to stay silent and we can never indulge in any gentle mockery on an anonymous website.

There was a lot of rage directed at the OP for actually daring to think it was quite funny, and others for laughing at it too. When all that happened was a perfectly average progressive ally he/him man had his pronouns affirmed in a meeting as he presumably didn't mind. People are reading all sorts of subtexts in.

I think I love you!

😂

You're brilliant

What do you mean you knew who to expect? Surely whoever turns up when you meet them? You don't need to prepare differently

Why does he look silly?

He has stated his preferred pronouns, and OP has ensured that everyone is aware of his preferences.

The only way he would look silly is if this whole pronoun thing was nonsense and everybody knew it.

Oh - wait . . . 🤔