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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

He/They

113 replies

BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 17:32

Bloke at work, complaining that the new pronouns policy on forms etc isn’t inclusive enough (they/them and ‘other’ then write your own included with she/be etc) Because he is ‘non-conforming’ and uses he/they or him/ them and it’s very common in his ‘community’.

So I asked him how that works, as someone who is actually gay ( he’s white, straight, male appearing) I hadn’t come across he/they before. It was a genuine non-goady question.
He said he’s happy with being addressed as either and chooses which he’ll use on the day. And that if on the day he’s being ‘they’ it would be nice if people noticed and used ‘they’.

Is this a thing now? Or is he just saying call me anything but she/her???

OP posts:

KatsuKatsu · 30/03/2022 17:34

He can just write that on the form then?

Ridcully82 · 30/03/2022 17:34

How do you tell how someone feels? Especially if you're using a pronoun in their absence,and it changes whilst they aren't there?

tabbycatstripy · 30/03/2022 17:35

I think once we’re into the territory of ‘I don’t mind/very happy with either/decide on the day’ we are a long way from a debilitating diagnosis that requires the rest of us to subordinate our sense of reality to their needs.

RoseslnTheHospital · 30/03/2022 17:35

How on earth would anyone notice that he wants to be referred to as "they"? How is that signalled?

If the form has an Other box that allows you to enter your own choice of pronouns, then how exactly is that not being "inclusive" enough?

sacredfeminina · 30/03/2022 17:36

I think psychopaths/sociopaths (sorry dunno which one) are enjoying how much they can bend people around them to give in to their ludacrous demands

DefiniteTortoise · 30/03/2022 17:36

Is there any sort of visual cue as to whether he or they is preferred on any given day?

ZaraSizeMedium · 30/03/2022 17:37

He said he’s happy with being addressed as either and chooses which he’ll use on the day.

Did you ask how people are to know “on the day” which one he’s using that day?

KatsuKatsu · 30/03/2022 17:38

Does he wear a different hat depending on their pronouns at that time?

2Gen · 30/03/2022 17:48

@sacredfeminina

I think psychopaths/sociopaths (sorry dunno which one) are enjoying how much they can bend people around them to give in to their ludacrous demands

That's an excellent observation! I do find the attitudes of some of the people doing this to be either very manipulative or even bullying, and many of them do come across as perhaps having one of the Type B Personality Disorders.

stripeyflowers · 30/03/2022 17:52

I can't be bothered with it all. Flame me.

Original poster

BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 17:53

Be wears the same attire regardless of the pronou, and says he likes to tell people if it’s a he or they say. He wasn’t best pleased when I said a form that has he/him and they/them as an option should cover every eventuality.

OP posts:

FrancescaContini · 30/03/2022 17:54

What an attention seeking knob

Original poster

BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 17:54

iS this just him though??? Like I said I am actuallly gay and haven’t come across this although I do know lots of gays, lesbians and trans people.

OP posts:

Joolsin · 30/03/2022 17:57

What an arse. You're going to have to one-up him by finding the most complicated set of pronouns you can to "identify" by and throwing an absolute tantrum if he gets them wrong.

PermanentTemporary · 30/03/2022 17:57

I'm reminded of Gwen Raverat writing about her phenomenally rich and under-employed aunts who would do things like ring for a servant to put a silk scarf over one foot as one foot was very slightly colder than the other.

He's essentially signalling that he's a sensitive soul and not a boring person with a standard identity, plus that he can impose this ridiculous nonsense on people who aren't allowed to fight back.

ZaraSizeMedium · 30/03/2022 17:58

He likes to tell people if it’s a He or They day.

What a bellend.

ChopinBoard · 30/03/2022 18:00

I have seen YT vidoes of young people who want people to refer to them as he/they for example, getting very upset when other people only use one or the other rather than switching it around.

So if I say I am she/they you would have to talk about me thus:

"Chopin likes to spend a lot of time on mumsnet. I cant understand why they like it so much. Surely she has better things to do with their time."

I wish I was joking.

tabbycatstripy · 30/03/2022 18:01

It’s a way of making sure every single person on any given day has to offer him/them some attention. Even if they have relatives they are caring for, or worrying about a cancer diagnosis, or heavily in debt, or divorcing. A little bit of attention every day, from everyone, that’s all he/they needs.

FrancescaContini · 30/03/2022 18:04

@ChopinBoard

I have seen YT vidoes of young people who want people to refer to them as he/they for example, getting very upset when other people only use one or the other rather than switching it around.

So if I say I am she/they you would have to talk about me thus:

"Chopin likes to spend a lot of time on mumsnet. I cant understand why they like it so much. Surely she has better things to do with their time."

I wish I was joking.

If this were my child spouting such self absorbed bollocks I would permanently block the Internet connection in the home and get them outside doing some productive voluntary work every day. How has our generation managed to produce such narcissistic kids???

Georgeskitchen · 30/03/2022 18:14

So many terrible things happening in the world, so many people suffering yet we are expected to treat these people like they are some kind of Gods 😡

QueenSue · 30/03/2022 18:16

I can't see any reason for this other than enjoying a sense of control over other people, when they try to use the right words to talk about you on different days.

elferian · 30/03/2022 18:18

lots of people do this, often because they suffer with dysphoria and it is upsetting for them to put down he/him yet they get it is ridiculous to put down she/her if you are male.

Fine if you don't like pronouns, but really they are all over the place now and why not let people be, it is harmless.

Original poster

BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 18:30

‘lots of people do this, often because they suffer with dysphoria and it is upsetting for them to put down he/him yet they get it is ridiculous to put down she/her if you are male. ‘

I get people using ‘they’ for those reasons but it’s the him/they I’m struggling with.
I also don’t think their are enough of him/them for us to add yet another option to all our communications ‘other’ with the option to right in a preference should cover it?
He Waldo brought up the fact that the training programmes we have refer to men and women, so aren’t inclusive- the example was about how to NOT have bias at work agisnt women in leadership potions but not sure how you can avoid saying men and women when talking about discrimination against women in the workplace.

OP posts:

Original poster

BloodyloveGeorge · 30/03/2022 18:33

@elferian ‘ lots of people do this,’

I am very engaged in a big LGBTQ + community, at work and outside, and this is a first for me. Can I ask if you’re under 30?? I’m 40 and beginning to wonder if it’s just a generation thing.

OP posts:

IcakethereforeIam · 30/03/2022 18:36

We're going to need a bigger form!

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