Maybe she's just a straight female who likes to dye her hair pink and hang around with other "queer" folks.
Queer isn't a very descriptive label at all. It covers so many potential sexual orientations and gender feelings, for some people it seems to be more of a shortcut for a visual style, and a certain set of beliefs. An identity, a sense of belonging to a tribe, but with no specific behaviour attached, aside from a number of codified norms such as announcing your pronouns and correcting others for misgendering and other perceived infractions.
It's a religion. Which increasingly seems to have very little to do with actual sexuality (as in, shagging other people), and a lot more to do with imagined self, and getting this internal sense of self validated by wider society.
Which is where they lose me. Sure, in my head, I'm a 10 foot tall female armored flying robot knight, and will sometimes act like it in real life (
... Figuratively, obviously)
But I don't dress up like one, or ask others to address me as one. I don't need to. I know who I am. I self actualise just fine by smiting virtual enemies, be they complex problems at work, or pixelated blobs on a video game console screen.
Queer folks remind me of furrier and otherkins, but much, much more vanilla. Cosplaying and roleplaying as another gender? Boring... If you're gonna explore your "true self", why stick to human? Clearly this is some kind of "spiritual quest" to define your soul. Sure. Whatever. Nothing wrong with a bit of shamanism. But "cute girl in a sexy dress" as your totem animal? Meh. Unbelievably mainstream.