M&S frets about customers' feelings re Mother's Day

[Abitofalark]

Amanda Platell writes that M&S asked shoppers if they'd prefer not to be reminded of Mother's Day:

"M&S seems to be tying it itself in PC knots by fretting over the feelings of women unable to have children — or is it attempting to placate those in the trans lobby for whom ‘mother’ may be an offensive word?

Whatever, the email we loyal shoppers received asking us if we’d prefer not to be reminded of Mother’s Day was absurd — not least because it managed to remind us of Mother’s Day anyway."

@AlsoNotAGirl

Amanda Platell has misunderstood the purpose of those emails. Lots of companies now allow customers to opt out of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day promotional emails and it’s a kind thing to do. Mother’s Day is painful when you’ve suffered either the loss of a child or the loss of your own mother

Thank you and all the other posters who have posted along the same lines about the option emails. I agree with all your points and with all who have written about the pain of their own loss.

@abitofalark I think Patel is bang on.People have been dealing with personal grief since the beginning of time so why has this particular concern only risen relatively recently? Is it just an odd cowinkydink that this "concern" happens over the same period that words related to females are erased and singe sex spaces are eliminated? Furthermore lots of everyday things trigger sad memories and those things are unavoidable.

She’s an idiot. It’s because it is upsetting to people who have lost their mother, not just because people can’t have kids,

I think it’s a considerate gesture. I like being asked this question for my own very personal reasons.

I assumed it was about being sensitive to those who are bereaved and allowing them to opt out of being reminded repeatedly of something they find deeply upsetting.

[quote DontLikeCrumpets]@abitofalark I think Patel is bang on.People have been dealing with personal grief since the beginning of time so why has this particular concern only risen relatively recently? Is it just an odd cowinkydink that this "concern" happens over the same period that words related to females are erased and singe sex spaces are eliminated? Furthermore lots of everyday things trigger sad memories and those things are unavoidable.[/quote]
If it was about that then surely they would be trying to rebrand Mother’s Day itself?

As someone who has lost their mum, I would love the option to opt out of these marketing comms.

This might change if I become a mum myself, but for now even 8 years on, I do find the day hard. We used to have the best mothers day each year, I would take her out for a champagne high tea. I miss it.

Loads of shops do this.
I get a spate of emails every year asking if I want to not receive Mothers Day emails all with Mothers Day in the subject line.

It's ridiculous.
If you don't want to be reminded on Mothers Day, you don't want an email reminding you a few weeks before.

@user1471504747
A fair point but has M&S showed similar concern for feelings when they "doubled down on its trans-inclusive changing rooms policy"? Have they been sending emails to determine how their female customers are coping with their trans-inclusive policy? Unless I'm mistaken they did not so their concern with Mother's Day triggering overwhelming sadness frankly seems disingenuous.

It's also upsetting for women who have lost children, as well as anyone who has lost their Mums too. Don't think it's over pc, also get them for Father's Day opt outs too.

For me it's been easier to opt in Jan/fen than dealing with loads of emails come March. It's not uncommon for the closer you get to a particular date for things to get harder.

I didnt agree with the trans exclusive changing rooms. And I don't think they do it because they really care. But this has got fuck all to do with changing rooms or trans inclusive policies. And quite frankly, attributing anything to the trans issues, makes people opposed to some trans inclusive policies, look ridiculous. Especially when people go 'but it probably is connected....cause changing rooms'.

These emails do not, or even attempt to, erase mothers day. Those of us who opt out, are not trying to remove mothers day for other people. It's not an attack on mothers day or females. Retailers simply know that if they come across as though they care more, people like them more. But this year it benefits me so I will take them up on it. And since it impacts, literally, no one else.

Next year when it's been just over a year since mum died, I might not.

@TravellingFrom

Whatever you are celebrating, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas…. There will always be people that will upset by it because it will bring sad memories to them. That’s life!

Yeah, I think these kinds of things are really not the most healthy. Or effective, given they have to ask you if you want to opt out which reminds you of why you might want to opt out anyway.

[quote DontLikeCrumpets]@abitofalark I think Patel is bang on.People have been dealing with personal grief since the beginning of time so why has this particular concern only risen relatively recently? Is it just an odd cowinkydink that this "concern" happens over the same period that words related to females are erased and singe sex spaces are eliminated? Furthermore lots of everyday things trigger sad memories and those things are unavoidable.[/quote]
Then why do I also get emails asking if I'd like to opt out of Father's Day comms?

She's massively misunderstood the purpose of these emails. And I say that as someone who actively campaigns against the eradication of the word woman. This isn't about that.

OP, these have been sent for a few years now and I find them helpful - and my mother died over 30 years ago. It’s surely nothing to do with trans issues- or at least it wasn’t when it started.
I find it helpful - yes, there is the email itself but then no other ones.

They've been sending them for years.

I ask them not to send because my mother is an abusive person who does not warrant celebrating

Organisations are increasingly going out of their way to avoid giving offence or causing upset but the actual psychological effect of this is priming people to feel offended or upset. It's creating an atmosphere of anxiety and gloom and damaging people's mental health.

[quote DontLikeCrumpets]@abitofalark I think Patel is bang on.People have been dealing with personal grief since the beginning of time so why has this particular concern only risen relatively recently? Is it just an odd cowinkydink that this "concern" happens over the same period that words related to females are erased and singe sex spaces are eliminated? Furthermore lots of everyday things trigger sad memories and those things are unavoidable.[/quote]
Now there's a word I haven't heard before. Cowinkydink.

I think it's fair enough to ask the question if there is a connection but as many have made clear, this is a thing several retailers now do for special Days and not only for Mother's Day.

As it's not on topic to the theme of Sex and Gender and considering it pointless to continue discussion or argy bargy on a painful subject that people find upsetting, I asked mumsnet last night to close the thread.

@AlsoNotAGirl

Why didn't M&S show that level of kindness when they instituted their trans-inclusive changing room policy and when they doubled down on it?
If they are so concerned with customers being upset why would they not sought women views and have offered women a way to opt out of having their privacy compromised?

@whiteworldgettingwhiter

Every single company sends me emails to ask if I want to opt out of Mother's Day emails - and Father's Day emails. I think it shows thought and consideration.

Every single company sends me similar. I ignore them and delete them. Father's Day and Mother's Day are marketing exercises to sell tat. Neither my own mother or my mother-in-law wanted Mother's Day tat and son was told likewise.

Ionly that’s just what I said, but I said it in more words and less eloquently!

I've just opted out of these. I had to read an email in order to do this, but that's better than getting half a dozen emails in the run up with stuff like "still time to spoil your mum!" "Don't forget your mum this Mother's Day" etc etc.

@Ionlydomassiveones

It’s still an email about Mother’s Day though isn’t it? And it’s not ‘kindness’ - it’s marketing. They don’t give a shit about your feelings - it’s to make you think that they care so you’ll spend more money.

I don't kid myself that they care, and hence spend more money. I don't get emails I don't want, and hence don't unsubscribe from them entirely. Giving them an opportunity to flog me more stuff as the year goes on. Your post makes it sound like you think people not wanting the emails are stupid.

Emma Bridgewater sent emails asking the same question a year or two ago. As I've lost my father, I asked if the same would be done for Father's Day (couldn't care less about seeing one extra reminder amongst an ocean of them every year, but just asked regardless), just to see what they'd say, but no response! No similar email received re: Father's Day! What a surprise

I've quite appreciated receiving these, and have taken the opportunity to opt out from a few places.
I'd much rather deal with an email a few weeks before than have my inbox full of marketing to get something for the mum I no longer have.
I'm very sensitive to woman-erasure and wokery, but I don't detect any here.