M&S frets about customers' feelings re Mother's Day

[Abitofalark]

Amanda Platell writes that M&S asked shoppers if they'd prefer not to be reminded of Mother's Day:

"M&S seems to be tying it itself in PC knots by fretting over the feelings of women unable to have children — or is it attempting to placate those in the trans lobby for whom ‘mother’ may be an offensive word?

Whatever, the email we loyal shoppers received asking us if we’d prefer not to be reminded of Mother’s Day was absurd — not least because it managed to remind us of Mother’s Day anyway."

It's absolutely nothing to do with erasing motherhood FFS. It's a nice gesture for people who don't want to have this stuff rubbed in their faces. When it comes to fathers' day I really appreciate it, I don't need other people's perfect relationships with their dads rubbed in my face.

...if that's ok with you, OP.

@LowlandLucky

PhrenologlistsFinger Yes i am compassionate but surely by the time you are an adult you can ignore Mothers/Fathers/Grandparents day. Death is part of life and we all have to suffer it. Not having my Mum, Grandparents or my 2 babies that didn't make it hurts but i can't expect the world to stop for me.

But nobody is asking the world to stop. It's not a suggestion that everybody stops celebrating Mother's Day.... it's just offering people the option to opt out of marketing emails.

Some people do prefer to do this especially if the loss is relatively recent.

@LowlandLucky

PhrenologlistsFinger Yes i am compassionate but surely by the time you are an adult you can ignore Mothers/Fathers/Grandparents day. Death is part of life and we all have to suffer it. Not having my Mum, Grandparents or my 2 babies that didn't make it hurts but i can't expect the world to stop for me.

You do know that this is about people opting out of marketing emails? It's hardly the world stopping is it?!

Oh Amanda, I've had around a dozen emails from various companies asking the same.

Don't you get many emails?

I've been getting opt-out emails from retailers about Mothers/Father's Day for years. I even got some about Valentines Day this year!

I really hate the way that just about anything is tortuously linked to trans on Mn these days. It's like some people are totally obsessed with the subject.

I remember I first heard this was a thing when my own kids were quite young, so at least 5 years ago, probably a few years more. It was, at the time, made very clear (in the news, e.g. on the BBC website) that it had everything to do with tragic memories such as bereavement etc.

There is 100% nothing wrong with giving individuals the option to opt out of potentially upsetting marketing campaigns. There is everything wrong with trying to link that move with sinister political motives. Yuck.

@LowlandLucky

For goodness sake, why would anyone be upset because the caught a glimpse of a Mothers day card ? My Mum died when i was young, i don't go to pieces on Mothers day, i don't think nobody else should celebrate it because my Mum is dead. Death is part of life and yes of course there are times even years later that grief stabs your heart but sending out emails asking if you want to opt out of a day is just down right ridiculous.

Good for you. Not everyone is the same. For some people, the bereavement is still new and raw. Others feel the loss more deeply. My late dad hated his birthday and would never celebrate it as his mum died on his 8th birthday. A lady I used to work with lost her husband on Christmas Day and really struggled with Christmas for many years afterwards. It's not about catching a glimpse of a card. It's about the advertising that surround the event. I imagine it is also hard for those who have difficult relationships with the person - avoiding all the 'mums / dads are as perfect as fluffy unicorns and butterfly wings, when your own is actually anything but, is also hard.

I hope Amanda hasn’t pulled muscle with the stretch this has required to link opting out of Mother’s Day emails with trans people.

Things like this just make GC feminists who care about sex based rights look like transphobic twats who are incapable of critical thinking.

FGS M&S and several others have been sending these opt outs for several years. They are fretting over nothing, and Amanda Plattel needs to get a life, its nothing to do with trans or removing the word mother.
They do it as they heavily market around this time, and they ask those who don't want bombarding if they want to opt out.

It started as a way of being sensitive to thise whose mother had passed and didn't want constant reminders in their emails but why does it really matter why people opt out and I think it's lovely that so many companies do this.
My mother was 23 when my nan was killed by a drink driver, and even now, nearly 40 years later, she appreciates not keep being reminded by companies that she only had a mother for a very small part of her life.

I don't fret over mother's day even though I lost my mother many years ago.

But I tell you what I found really difficult. The habit UK shops (yes, M & S you especially do it) to say variously:

"Have a nice day", "Have a lovely rest of the day", "Have a lovely weekend" etc. I was having to shop during the days I was nursing my dying husband at home and after my husband died and, jeez, it hit like hell. I'd give a watery smile (because they mean well) and get out of the shop asap to avoid breaking down.

When they are teaching the checkout operators to be nice and friendly, do they ever stop to think that in the course of a day there could be one or more people in my position?

@flyingbuttress43

I don't fret over mother's day even though I lost my mother many years ago.

But I tell you what I found really difficult. The habit UK shops (yes, M & S you especially do it) to say variously:

"Have a nice day", "Have a lovely rest of the day", "Have a lovely weekend" etc. I was having to shop during the days I was nursing my dying husband at home and after my husband died and, jeez, it hit like hell. I'd give a watery smile (because they mean well) and get out of the shop asap to avoid breaking down.

When they are teaching the checkout operators to be nice and friendly, do they ever stop to think that in the course of a day there could be one or more people in my position?

I got a kicking here and elsewhere for expressing the same thing years ago. "Are you doing anything fun tonight?" from a till operator at Tesco pretty much broke me when I was nursing my dying husband in his last weeks. As did "so what are your plans for the rest of the day?" accompanied by a big smile.

I was okay with, "have a good day" as it was kind of impersonal. But for some reason during that period, a manager must have told staff to ask cheery questions. It meant that there was no escaping having to respond. Ugh.

But when I said so I was being a miserable old cow because 'people are just trying to be nice'. I get that, but intrusive jolly questioning for strangers whose life you have no clue about, is very high risk, unless the customer is already looking super-jolly and chatty. I was very clearly tired, sad and drawn looking, so...

My MIL died last March, the date is a few days before this year's Mother's Day, I get absolutely bombarded with emails in the run up to 'holiday' days so I can understand how for many this would be very upsetting especially if like in my experience it also included a very specific event.

It is a shame that someone has so blatantly twisted it into something else.

I think it is great that people can get the chance to opt out. I do understand how difficult it can be following bereavement or infertility. Marketing is (in my opinion) intrusive anyway and to be able to opt out from something that makes you upset is great.

I would have an issue with trying to stop other from doing something just because one person has an issue with it but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.

My guess is that M&S's concern is primarily about women who have lost their children through miscarriage, stillbirth or later in the child's life or who are dealing with all the emotions of TTC.

If its just a question of asking whether customers want to opt out of some marketing messages, though, I think this Amanda Platell must have worked quite hard to get herself annoyed about it!

(I wonder if there is a form of personal tragedy that would earn me a universal opt-out from garbage marketing messages. That would be handy.)

@Erictheavocado

Like other pp's, I've seen these emails for the last couple of years both before Mother's Day and also a few weeks before Father's Day. I've always assumed they are aimed at those who are dealing with a recent bereavement when they would still be feeling very raw. As for those who 'don't open random marketing e mails', , mist of the ones I see have Mother's Day or Father's Day in the subject line, so you don't need to open it to know what it is about. It is many years now since dh and I lost our fathers, but I do remember how that first year was so hard seeing the special displays of stuff in shops, I am sure I would have found it very hard to have a stream of emails reminding me of it as well.

Just to make it clear for you, I don't receive any emails with special Days in the subject heading and I don't open marketing emails that don't have references to Days in the subject heading but which might have within the message.

Moonpig have been doing this for a while now. They send emails before Valentines, Mothers and Fathers day asking if customers preferred not to receive related emails.

@Mrsjayy

I had an email from funky pigeon where you could opt out of Mothers day emails. I really think you are misunderstanding the sentiment OP and not everything is trans related nobody is trying to eradicate mothers they are trying to maybe save people a little bit of hurt on what can be a difficult day.

You misunderstand: I was neutral as whether it was, as Platell said, because of concern for women who couldn't have children or because of pc and appeasing people who might object to the word 'mother'. I had no way of knowing which it was.

As it happens, other posters have explained that retailers do it and the reasons they do it, which are much more than Platell thought of.

Loads of shops do this for people who have lost their mothers

Thanks Kitten.

Stop talking nonsense. My dh works for a retailer and they have been doing this for a couple of years - Valentines Day, Mothers Day, and Fathers Day. Feedback is that it is appreciated by those who struggle with these days.

@NuffSaidSam

I think that's mainly to avoid upsetting people who are grieving their mothers. They do the same for father's Day.

This. I’ve had these emails from several companies in the last couple of years and always appreciate them as Mother’s Day is difficult for me

My mother passed away last August and I think this is ridiculous. People have really got to stop being so self absorbed and, yes, pathetic. I just feel happy for everyone who still has their mother. Anything else is just ridiculous.

@LauriePartridge4Eva

My mother passed away last August and I think this is ridiculous. People have really got to stop being so self absorbed and, yes, pathetic. I just feel happy for everyone who still has their mother. Anything else is just ridiculous.

Why is it ridiculous or self absorbed to opt out of marketing emails? And how does it impact you if people want to do so?

Opt out by all means. It's the people who make sure we all hear about their reasons I don't get. Just do it and get on with your life ffs. But stop trying to end things for people because YOU might find it hard.