Feel very angry about being called transphobic

[HumousWhereTheHeartIs]

I am sorry if I use any incorrect language here. I don't believe myself to be transphobic at all. I believe that everyone should live their lives, be themselves and be called what they prefer in order to be happy.
I am the member of a make-up group on Facebook which discusses a particular technique. Lately, a number of transwomen have joined the group. One of these new members posts lots of pictures of herself wearing makeup and reclining on a bed. Her knickers are often showing in at least one picture. (nightdress/dress hiked up slightly. No genitalia can be seen) I commented something like 'love the colour of your eyeshadow but could do without seeing your underwear!'. I was called transphobic, a terf and a bigot. The things is, I don't want to see anyone's knickers on a make-up group. And I have never seen a single biological woman post pictures like this. I was reported and kicked out the group. I feel really angry about this. Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!

Someone clearly hanging around looking for things to complain about...

Someone has tweeted it as a positive and there are women posting in support, from what I've seen.

Actually, luckily it is a feminist Tits. I know, usually it is not.

And Humous is getting lots of support.

Still, she might not have wanted quite that attention.

Ah, well that's grand then! I've only seen one and it's negative but not necessarily just about this thread, saying that an advertisers ad is coming up in the middle of a load of transphobic threads.

@FindTheTruth

It's just extraordinary that at the same time women are learning about Boundaries and 'just say no' we have a social contagion across society, facebook groups, women's groups, girls groups and social groups of women being PUNISHED FOR SAYING NO.

It's not ok. It's a human rights violation. Women and girls should be punished for saying no to being exposed to male fetishes.

I would say it’s actually totally predictable pushback against women speaking for themselves, I’m afraid.

Welcome to autogynephilia, OP - the women in your groups are being used as a prop to this man's fantasies. Unfortunately, a lot of women are wearing Be Kind goggles which render individuals like this stunning, brave and most oppressed, and anyone who calls them out in any way gets a bigot cookie.

@Phobiaphobic

Welcome to autogynephilia, OP - the women in your groups are being used as a prop to this man's fantasies. Unfortunately, a lot of women are wearing Be Kind goggles which render individuals like this stunning, brave and most oppressed, and anyone who calls them out in any way gets a bigot cookie.

Absolutely this.

I had a (what I thought was) healthy open mindedness/scepticism towards what seemed like constant accusations of AGP (autogynephilia) but actually, it does seem to have a high prevalence amongst males who identify as women.

it does seem to have a high prevalence amongst males who identify as women.

Although it might also be that such individuals are more likely to post selfies and are therefore more visible.

@Leafstamp Not all AGPs, obvs. But if a man is clearly getting his rocks off by performing womanhood, esp in front of biological women, it's pretty much a given.

.

@HumousWhereTheHeartIs

I am sorry if I use any incorrect language here. I don't believe myself to be transphobic at all. I believe that everyone should live their lives, be themselves and be called what they prefer in order to be happy. I am the member of a make-up group on Facebook which discusses a particular technique. Lately, a number of transwomen have joined the group. One of these new members posts lots of pictures of herself wearing makeup and reclining on a bed. Her knickers are often showing in at least one picture. (nightdress/dress hiked up slightly. No genitalia can be seen) I commented something like 'love the colour of your eyeshadow but could do without seeing your underwear!'. I was called transphobic, a terf and a bigot. The things is, I don't want to see anyone's knickers on a make-up group. And I have never seen a single biological woman post pictures like this. I was reported and kicked out the group. I feel really angry about this. Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!

If that's all there is to it, then I think it was completely unreasonable for them to call you a t*rf or transphobic. Especially given you would have said the same to anyone.

I find it fascinating that things if done in other environments, by a male or female. Would be automatically seen as weird, inappropriate and iffy.

Just don't apply to one group.

Mainly female group about makeup (face) no probs on bed and flashing underwear.

Women's clothes off communal situation. Cock in the mix? No probs.

Males protesting women's things with sexualised threats? Not men though so aok and understandsble.

Etc etc etc

A woman said 'No.'

@allmywhat

no its just attention seeking for validation of their libido, both sexes do it

I fully agree with most of your post; it’s very well put. I’m not sure about this bit though.

It seems to me that women only do this if they’re actually conventionally attractive. And the general reaction to conventionally unattractive women doing it isn’t the same as the reaction to conventionally unattractive TW doing it. And of course their chosen audience is generally different. I don’t think a TW exposing their underwear to a make-up group full of women could reasonably expect their audience to find it sexy. So it seems like a qualitatively different behaviour, where the hoped-for reaction is something other than admiration.

No thats just speaking more for the reaction, both have low self esteem, being validated physically just increases the search for that validation, i.e posting more pictures.

its the publics reaction thats limiting some of it, molly coddling TW, in the same way they do when people post pictures of their ugly children, where as women get the hail and brimstone and to a lesser extent so do men.

Well, welcome to the new world that excludes women. You are right to be angry, who wants to see someone’s pants on a make up group?

OP, @HumousWhereTheHeartIs, it's no coincidence that this person targeted a makeup group

There's a recognised condition where males with a paraphilia get erections listening to boring 'women's stuff' such as “You put on your eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick.” See Blanchards tests.

A study in Sweden in 2005found that 2.8 percent of males experienced sexual arousal in response to cross-dressing. Of these males, there's a subset for whom, it is sufficiently intense and central to their sexual arousal to constitute a “paraphilia”.

One of these males was in your FB makeup group. The arousal includes members being exposed to them in underwear on a bed on their timelines, unwillingly or not. And if a woman says 'NO', que the RAGE, which is also part of the condition. The paraphila requires women as support humans to play along and not say anything.

Anne Lawrence, a transwoman reveals a secret world; anything coded female or feminine, can cause an “intense, perplexing, shame-inducing erotic arousal that seems to simultaneously animate and discredit desires to have female bodies.” Informants recount erotic fantasies of pushing a baby buggy, joining a knitting circle, being called “ma’am,” having bubble-gum-blowing contests with girls, wearing clip-on earrings, taking birth-control pills, having a Pap smear test, and so on and on......

makeup groups
breastfeeding groups
Girl Guides
Menstruation groups

NOTE: I don't care what consenting adults do but the members of your facebook group were not 'consenting' as they probably didn't even realise what they were taking part in

@CheeseMmmm

I find it fascinating that things if done in other environments, by a male or female. Would be automatically seen as weird, inappropriate and iffy.

Just don't apply to one group.

Mainly female group about makeup (face) no probs on bed and flashing underwear.

Women's clothes off communal situation. Cock in the mix? No probs.

Males protesting women's things with sexualised threats? Not men though so aok and understandsble.

Etc etc etc

OP: Don't be angry about being called transphobic. To put it bluntly: Reserve your anger for the invading force and the quislings that support it.

Reading find the truth post.

'Anne Lawrence, a transwoman reveals a secret world; anything coded female or feminine, can cause an “intense, perplexing, shame-inducing erotic arousal '

I don't think this is a mystery at all. So not sure why perplexing or shameful.

I think that it's obvious that the constant sexualisation of women is hand in hand with forming massive associations with certain clothes, and to a lesser extent but still there, makeup, hair etc with sex.

Has been all my lifetime.

Due to the endless 'sexy lady' imagery and the fact that the same 'look' is generally used.

Underwear obviously. Decorative, often skimpy knickers that are obviously designed to be viewed, not for practicality.
Bras basques etc that are designed to make breasts look bigger, pushed up, and a good amount exposed, again to the viewer.

Current sexy lady look. Hair makeup. That stuff.

Result. Those things are intrinsically linked to sex. Just seeing the clothes both men and women think sex. Women usually think that image is about sexy undies etc. Men think about sex itself.

That becomes for some an association they take further. In lots of ways.

Stealing women's underwear is well known as a thing.
Trying on/ wearing women's knickers is also not unusual.
And then onto doing it all the time/ wanting to wear more women's clothes.
And the step into finding it sexy to increase the amount of 'sexy lady' things you wear/ do.
Then finding it sexy to see yourself as a sexy lady.
And then those who find it arousing for others to see them that way.

When joining things for women and if anyone suggests in any way not a woman.

That's different I think. That's about getting a kick out of making women uncomfy, fun of telling them off if even hint not sure should be there, the power that gives and opportunity to express anger at women and that's supposed to be the right thing to do.

It's aggression and intense dislike of women.

@BeReet @SirChenjins snag tights have lost me too.

I've just realised the only fb groups I use and enjoy don't have men or TW in by default.

Breastfeeding, a small group of friends and acquaintances just for women, (nothing to do with other feminism particularly but we obviously do discuss things pertinent to being a woman,) a couple of radical feminist groups and now a couple of menopause groups.

There's a couple of groups relating to my profession, it's mostly women in there though.

I'd be angry too OP. Disgusting behaviour and I'm sorry they did that to you.

I was ghosted by my closest friend and told I was transphobic about her trans dd.
I was incredibly upset. I think people now are saying the word too easily at the first instance. It's very offensive.

Appalling that you were kicked out when this person has joined a group and decided to use unconsenting victims in his kink. Ultimately narcistic. The admin need to address it.

Sorry this happened to you