Feel very angry about being called transphobic

[HumousWhereTheHeartIs]

I am sorry if I use any incorrect language here. I don't believe myself to be transphobic at all. I believe that everyone should live their lives, be themselves and be called what they prefer in order to be happy.
I am the member of a make-up group on Facebook which discusses a particular technique. Lately, a number of transwomen have joined the group. One of these new members posts lots of pictures of herself wearing makeup and reclining on a bed. Her knickers are often showing in at least one picture. (nightdress/dress hiked up slightly. No genitalia can be seen) I commented something like 'love the colour of your eyeshadow but could do without seeing your underwear!'. I was called transphobic, a terf and a bigot. The things is, I don't want to see anyone's knickers on a make-up group. And I have never seen a single biological woman post pictures like this. I was reported and kicked out the group. I feel really angry about this. Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!

@IamGusFring I think I am also in that group! No one else posts swimsuit posts...but these make up pictures are a hundred times worse.

Awful.

Apart from the fact your comment was not transphobic in the least because, as you said, you don't want to see anybodies knickers in a group about make-up....

....that person know exactly what they were doing because if you are taking a photo of your make-up, you don't take it at such an angle / distance that your knickers are visible.

They did it for a reaction, and it's so disheartening that the (female?) admins couldn't see that.

I left a similar S&B group for this reason.

It was like watching frogs being boiled.

They just couldn't see it.

Starts off with help on work clothing - que the gushing replies and responses of how wonderful everyone is/was scared to post having encountered transphobia on other groups/que cry's if you're sooo welcome here etc

Then the pictures get increasingly "raunchy" over time with evening wear and eventually lingerie and swimwear and all the frogs keep validating/encouraging because they are getting a kick out of being inclusive - even though you'd never see the same women posting pictures like this of themselves nor liking what they were seeing (which was obviously a man in women's underwear) under any other circumstances.

It's scary to see how easily some women's boundaries are eroded by pressing the buttons of female socialisation to be kind.

@RhymesWithOrange

No, of course you aren't transphobic for calling out a sleazy man getting his kicks from living out his kink on Facebook.

Sadly your nice group is now ruined, like so many other things. You can stay and fight or decide it isn't worth it. I'd probably do the latter, life is too short for fighting the mini battles like that one.

I second this, where are the mods on that site and why arent they getting involved?.

I am a female gamer and have left various site for the same reason but the other way around, women posting sexualised pictures of themselves as "gamers" and the comments they get from some members makes me feel uncomfortable, but the mods dont care so you have to leave.

actually the last one was a gaming figures group (First4Figures) that woman showed more of herself then the statues it was very uncomfortable and the comments getting increasingly creepy, so I left she posted about once a week.

@HumousWhereTheHeartIs

I am sorry if I use any incorrect language here. I don't believe myself to be transphobic at all. I believe that everyone should live their lives, be themselves and be called what they prefer in order to be happy. I am the member of a make-up group on Facebook which discusses a particular technique. Lately, a number of transwomen have joined the group. One of these new members posts lots of pictures of herself wearing makeup and reclining on a bed. Her knickers are often showing in at least one picture. (nightdress/dress hiked up slightly. No genitalia can be seen) I commented something like 'love the colour of your eyeshadow but could do without seeing your underwear!'. I was called transphobic, a terf and a bigot. The things is, I don't want to see anyone's knickers on a make-up group. And I have never seen a single biological woman post pictures like this. I was reported and kicked out the group. I feel really angry about this. Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!

Can you tell us the group so we can all join, then comment on the pervy posts and get kicked out might send the message, other women who genuinely want to stay in the group maybe too frightened to speak out

@SirChenjins

YANBU - far too many sites are too quick to pander to the men (it’s one of the reasons I’ll never buy Snag tights again, for example).

@SirChenjins thought it was just me, their latest campaign keeps showing me pics of a man in a fetish outfit of underwear emblazoned with children’s designs?!! And they also profile his email address which advertises his OnlyFans account! Yet so many posters on their Instagram feed seemed all for it

I’m not into being advertised to by companies supporting camming sites. Won’t be buying from them now!

No, definitely not just you. There have been a fair few posts on here about Snag and their dubious marketing campaigns putting men and their fetishes at the heart of them. Grim.

Can you tell us the group so we can all join, then comment on the pervy posts and get kicked out might send the message, other women who genuinely want to stay in the group maybe too frightened to speak out

YY to this

What is it about this group that arouses such defensive passion in some women? It’s just bizarre. No reasonable adult would want to discriminate against anyone or any minority group surely but requiring the suspension of rules and codes of behaviour that benefit all of us especially women for one minority groups benefit solely is asking too much surely? Yet some usually younger women become so passionate even weepy on trans women’s behalf yet if you look at the actual stats it’s women themselves that are at far more risk than trans people are. It’s most odd.

I am wondering if it is about fetishes or if it's actually how men see women. That they have be 'slutty'/showing flesh etc... not just to be recognised as a real woman but also to be recognised (as in only women who show flesh and have the right body shape are worthy type of thinking).

If that is, then it shows howmcuh work there is left to do :(:(

These poor women who don't even realise their boundaries have been hijacked by sexually motivated fetishist groomer-abusers. They are lambs to the slaughter.

Can you tell us the group so we can all join, then comment on the pervy posts and get kicked out might send the message, other women who genuinely want to stay in the group maybe too frightened to speak out
What a great idea! There are a few posters here who could turn things around with a witty, precise comment or two.

It all sounds a bit like bringing a 1970s Playboy magazine vibe to an interest group. But of course those women were being paid to display themselves to the male gaze, which raises the question; what is the motivation here?

Fetish.

Ugh, deliberate underwear 'flashing' pics is grim. I'd be absolutely fuming about being kicked out of a group for making a comment about finding that inappropriate.

I can't help noticing that these are the kinds of images of women that men like to look at. Soft porn / smut stuff. As a woman, I don't find it sexy to look at pictures like that (of men or women) and I also don't find it sexy to pose like that. It's all about the male gaze.

@PerfectlyUnsuitable

I am wondering if it is about fetishes or if it's actually how men see women. That they have be 'slutty'/showing flesh etc... not just to be recognised as a real woman but also to be recognised (as in only women who show flesh and have the right body shape are worthy type of thinking).

If that is, then it shows howmcuh work there is left to do :(:(

no its just attention seeking for validation of their libido, both sexes do it.

if your looking for it from the opposite sex its a sign of low self esteem and poor self image, being praised for your body will just feed into the idea thats all that matters, outside validation, it doesnt actually help build self esteem as that comes from within and a fuck the world I dont care what others think mentality.

in terms of the T I would say theres 2 additional points to it, being accepted and being in control as a male women must submit to you, from the mother onwards a womans job is to nurture and support so they get more vitriol if they break that mold then a man with an opinion would.

so its low self esteem, seeking validation and the rush of having power and superiority.

sorry I read too many psychology books.

I can't find the group even by searching now. It's called something like 'tricks for hooded eyes' or 'hooded eye tips'.
Interestingly, there is a hooded eye group for 'adult females only' so maybe I'm not the only one to feel uncomfortable.

@HumousWhereTheHeartIs

I can't find the group even by searching now. It's called something like 'tricks for hooded eyes' or 'hooded eye tips'. Interestingly, there is a hooded eye group for 'adult females only' so maybe I'm not the only one to feel uncomfortable.

large or small? any idea what the groups avatar resembled?

???????

I came on to talk about Snag tights and their advertising only to be beaten to it. Commented on their Facebook about an photo of a bare chested man wearing tights and silky women's pants saying allowing men's fetishes not being appropriate etc and was told men have worn tights for many years! Not really the point I was making. Also a poster asked to f off with my views/agenda. Don't they realised he is pushing his sexual agenda in plain sight?

All part of a wide men's sexual rights movement on multiple fronts. Boundaries are bigotry, females saying no can f off and have no space if they won't gladly tolerate male people letting it all hang out and enjoying themselves inappropriately.

Female people enjoying the glow of isnt it nice to be nice and aren't a lovely caring mummy type person and self congratulating themselves on all that are not really helping much. And the unconscious sexism and double standards behind it is strong. You only have to spend minutes on AIBU to realise the high standards women expect of each other and how little crap they will accept from each other.

no its just attention seeking for validation of their libido, both sexes do it

I fully agree with most of your post; it’s very well put. I’m not sure about this bit though.

It seems to me that women only do this if they’re actually conventionally attractive. And the general reaction to conventionally unattractive women doing it isn’t the same as the reaction to conventionally unattractive TW doing it. And of course their chosen audience is generally different. I don’t think a TW exposing their underwear to a make-up group full of women could reasonably expect their audience to find it sexy. So it seems like a qualitatively different behaviour, where the hoped-for reaction is something other than admiration.

HumousWhereTheHeartIs

Someone has tweeted your thread, just so you know.

@VelvetChairGirl No that is not the group. I am in that one too but it mainly promotes an MLM which is a whole other thread!

@Helleofabore

HumousWhereTheHeartIs

Someone has tweeted your thread, just so you know.

Someone clearly hanging around looking for things to complain about... waves

tell us the group so we can all join, then comment on the pervy posts

and SCREENSHOT EVERYTHING.

keep the receipts.

Same goes for members of the other FB groups. Keep the receipts