Feel very angry about being called transphobic

[HumousWhereTheHeartIs]

I am sorry if I use any incorrect language here. I don't believe myself to be transphobic at all. I believe that everyone should live their lives, be themselves and be called what they prefer in order to be happy.
I am the member of a make-up group on Facebook which discusses a particular technique. Lately, a number of transwomen have joined the group. One of these new members posts lots of pictures of herself wearing makeup and reclining on a bed. Her knickers are often showing in at least one picture. (nightdress/dress hiked up slightly. No genitalia can be seen) I commented something like 'love the colour of your eyeshadow but could do without seeing your underwear!'. I was called transphobic, a terf and a bigot. The things is, I don't want to see anyone's knickers on a make-up group. And I have never seen a single biological woman post pictures like this. I was reported and kicked out the group. I feel really angry about this. Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!

Is this not a hate crime? Since when has asking people not to show their underwear been OK?

Transphobic is a meaningless slur now. It means 'not letting trans people do exactly what they want at all times'. It's nothing like homophobic as I expect if you made this comment about a lesbian you would have got support.

It's a shame there is no longer a word which describes actual violence against trans people due to their trans status - that clearly exists but can't meaningfully be discussed now.

Yes , someone will say " I have a date night what can I wear ?" but this conversation goes deeper - cue pics of her in a swimsuit and wondering what her boyfriend will think . WTF .🙄

I expect it is based on a mid-conception of what women actually do - highlighting the ridiculousness of 'feeling like a woman'. Most women I know would consider underwear far too private to post and would be mortified at a picture of themselves in a swim suit.

It's just extraordinary that at the same time women are learning about Boundaries and 'just say no' we have a social contagion across society, facebook groups, women's groups, girls groups and social groups of women being PUNISHED FOR SAYING NO.

I couldn't agree more. Between this and the loss of women's sports groups/classes we're losing so much.

Absolutely not transphobic! If it has been a once off slightly showing knickers of a woman/ TW I would have thought maybe they didn't spot it in the photo (unlikely) but several times, they know what they're at.

There is so much in society we can't voice because we're called something we really are not.

I’ve noticed this happening a lot more frequently

Start your OWN FB group!

LOL.

That's so sleazy isn't it.

It's an interesting thing isn't it, the implication of that is that sleaziness is such a normal part of being a "transwoman" that if a woman objects to someone trans being sleazy, she's transphobic. It very much implies that sleaziness is an integral part of being trans.

Which doesn't do a lot for the argument that they "just want to pee".

I am in two unrelated Facebook groups where a trans individual (the same one) posts selfie after selfie of themselves. The women are being very supportive, telling them they are beautiful etc but neither of the groups is bloody about looks, selfie’s etc etc. It’s just a highjack. It does my head in. Equally if a woman was doing the same thing, it’d piss me off.

Funny that on these examples, "living as a woman" actually means doing sleazy things like posing provocatively that the rest of the group would never dream of doing.

I expect PPs would never have joined the make-up or car mechanic groups in the first place I'd those sort of photos had been the norm.

It all sounds a bit like bringing a 1970s Playboy magazine vibe to an interest group. But of course those women were being paid to display themselves to the male gaze, which raises the question; what is the motivation here?

YANBU OP.

We all know what this is.

You did nothing wrong OP. This is 21st century flashing, nothing more. Call it out every time.

I understand your anger at being kicked out of the group, rather than being defended for making a reasonable point politely. Sadly, we are living in a time when if anyone disagrees with a trans woman about anything, they are called transphobic, bigot, or in my case on Facebook, a “bigoted old crone”!

Your point seems absolutely reasonable to me.

@thenightsky

We get this in all female car groups on FB too. Lots of pics of our cars and the work we've done modifying them etc. Rarely put ourselves in the pics and when we do, we are in overalls or old hoodies. A certain member who has sprayed their car pink, likes to put up pics of themself spread-eagled over the bonnet, legs akimbo, in fishnets and miniskirt. This person is roundly ignored as, I guess, we are all terrified of being booted off the group if we say anything.

That's so grim.

I think I'd have been inclined to pretend I didn't know they were trans and say something like:

"I didn't realise they were trans, and I can only assume that they are with me being called transphobic in response to my comment. Trans or not, I would call out any woman showing their underwear in this group, as I deem it highly inappropriate".

YANBU, but I wouldn't have said anything, I'd have just left. Wouldn't want to be part of any 'group' who were OK with this.

@HumousWhereTheHeartIs Sorry you had to tolerate this.

disclaimer, like you I am not transphobic either, but don't wanna see this either, from anyone*

Unfortunately, the "be kind" brigade has decided that in order to protect a pervert, you have to be punished.

Have you considered starting your own makeup group OP? Make it clear that sexual imagery and flashing is not welcome.

It’s abusive what they are doing. Why should anyone have to be subject to anyone’s fetish?

Me personally I would have felt really disgusted by a man wanting to get his kink rocks off when women are there just trying to get makeup tips.

Tbh I don't think this is even at the level of misogyny.

How can it be OK to see ANYONE underwear, regardless of their gender or trans/cis status?

@HumousWhereTheHeartIs was the transperson upset and started to kick off when you made that comment or did the admin of that group took it upon themselves to do the policing?

It's an interesting thing isn't it, the implication of that is that sleaziness is such a normal part of being a "transwoman" that if a woman objects to someone trans being sleazy, she's transphobic.

Yes, it implies all the fawning servile types who rushed to attack OP understand on some level exactly what is going on when TW post pictures like that. They understand how the “identity” and the behaviour are linked. That’s only way that a mild rebuke of the behaviour is interpreted as an attack on that identity. They know and they defend it anyway.

@WildfirePonie

Start your OWN FB group!

Please don't encourage women to surrender quietly, go away and start up again because their spaces have been colonised. It just helps reinforce women must subordinate themselves and their interests and male born people own and control everything and it's accepted fact. This needs resisting, not co operative compliant submission.

It's also painfully true that if women do try this, then whatever they set up becomes the next target for a hostile take over. It doesn't work. Look at the rats nailed to the door of the female only refuge in Canada, despite every other refuge being open and available to TW.

It isn't about 'we need space' it's increasingly about not permitting females to have anything at all.

Why not start a new group and you can be the moderator and stop inappropriate pictures.

If a man, not a transwoman, started posting sexy shots what would the group do? They would tell him they are inappropriate.

Sorry this happened to you. As others have said the fact people think flashing is part of being transgender is transphobic in itself. Unfortunately that group is no longer a make up group, its now a fetish group.

@thenightsky

We get this in all female car groups on FB too. Lots of pics of our cars and the work we've done modifying them etc. Rarely put ourselves in the pics and when we do, we are in overalls or old hoodies. A certain member who has sprayed their car pink, likes to put up pics of themself spread-eagled over the bonnet, legs akimbo, in fishnets and miniskirt. This person is roundly ignored as, I guess, we are all terrified of being booted off the group if we say anything.

I wonder how long it will take before even just ignoring them is deemed transphobic?

@PerfectlyUnsuitableperfec the insults came from the person in the photos. The said they'd report me and now I can no longer see the group