Feel very angry about being called transphobic

[HumousWhereTheHeartIs]

I am sorry if I use any incorrect language here. I don't believe myself to be transphobic at all. I believe that everyone should live their lives, be themselves and be called what they prefer in order to be happy.
I am the member of a make-up group on Facebook which discusses a particular technique. Lately, a number of transwomen have joined the group. One of these new members posts lots of pictures of herself wearing makeup and reclining on a bed. Her knickers are often showing in at least one picture. (nightdress/dress hiked up slightly. No genitalia can be seen) I commented something like 'love the colour of your eyeshadow but could do without seeing your underwear!'. I was called transphobic, a terf and a bigot. The things is, I don't want to see anyone's knickers on a make-up group. And I have never seen a single biological woman post pictures like this. I was reported and kicked out the group. I feel really angry about this. Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!

One of these new members posts lots of pictures of herself wearing makeup and reclining on a bed. Her knickers are often showing in at least one picture. (nightdress/dress hiked up slightly. No genitalia can be seen)

Not even a one-off. A perv is a perv is a perv. Well done OP and good riddance to them.

I would take massive offence to bring called 'priveleged' actually. I assume this person knew nothing about your DPs background. It's a huge assumption to make. Presumably just based on him being a man (and skin colour, maybe?) but there plenty of other ways of being disadvantaged and having to overcome big obstacles in life.

I'd be tempted to turn it back on the group admin. Ask why they jumped to the assumption that the knicker exposing was only a problem because the poster was a transwoman. They made that link. Not you. They sound like a bunch of transphobes to me...

The TW should have been kicked out of the group for exposing themselves. It’s a make up group no one wants to see anyone’s fucking underwear. But we are still in be kind gaslit alterna universe of hell right now.

Just like a lot of people didn’t realise most TW still have penises until the BBC article blew that wide open, I don’t think many are aware of the fetishistic, AGP aspect of many TW now incorporated in the trans umbrella. Or their ‘be kind’ is dialled up to insanity, or they are too scared to call anyone out for fear of being labelled transphobic, or a combination of all three.

It’s horrible you’ve been pushed out of the group but on the plus side you won’t be subject to these kind of images anymore. It’s disgusting behaviour, twisting a totally innocent group to fulfil their sexual fantasies, and as @ChaToilLeam noted, ‘exhibitionist fetish being played out in plain site’.

So sick of all this shit and can’t wait for more of this to be uncovered in the mainstream media so people will actually understand why we don’t want AGP TW in our toilets, changing rooms or any other single sex space and when this kind of behaviour can rightly be called out and put a stop to.

Haven’t rtft as out. But you’re not a transphobe.

Is this a fb group children can join? If so I’d find out who you report online sexualisation of children to & report ASAP. Get screenshots if possible.

Apologies helias didn't see your post. You'd already made my point but much more eloquently!

This is really common behaviour, sadly. I know of a support group for a female specific health issue that was colonised by biologically male trans people who took great delight in posting pictures of themselves with genitalia exposed.

Whether clothed or not, it’s entirely deliberate behaviour; as you say, you have never seen a single woman post pictures like this. Because they don’t. Because they’re not on the group to indulge a fetish. Because they’re not male.

You were brave to call it out, and you were right of course. Sadly this is where we are now, women crapping on themselves and other women and enabling sexist males to get their jollies at women’s expense, all in the name of “inclusivity”. Bleurgh.

*sight!
Sorry @ChaToilLeam I inserted my own typo when I quoted you

@Helias

If the person who you criticised was responding just to the comment you quoted and you had made no mention of the person's trans status then I would say the person who called you names and complained about you is transphobic, and very likely so is whoever made the official decision to remove you from the group.

To imply that a trans person should not be criticised for inappropriate behavior when other members of the group are not protected in the same way assumes that trans people as a group are especially fragile, and perhaps mentally unstable or unresiliant - which is an inaccurate generalisation and especially damaging as trans status is closely associated with sex dysphoria (which until very recently has been stigmatised as a mental illness).

To imply that gratuitously showing one's underwear in a group where that's not the norm is somehow automatically associated with being trans - as if this is typical behaviour of trans people as a group and/or that a trans person cannot help doing this and therefore it is transphobic to comment negatively even without mentioning the trans status - also fosters widespread negative myths and stereotypes about trans people.

Can you make a counter-complaint about the person who complained about you, and about the decision-maker who removed you from the group? Also please consider reporting their transphobia to the FaceBook moderation team; I'm sure it's not allowed on the platform.

This is a fantastic post. Turn it back on them.

@FindTheTruth

It's just extraordinary that at the same time women are learning about Boundaries and 'just say no' we have a social contagion across society, facebook groups, women's groups, girls groups and social groups of women being PUNISHED FOR SAYING NO.

It's not ok. It's a human rights violation. Women and girls should be punished for saying no to being exposed to male fetishes.

I know. The cognitive dissonance is off the scale.

I despair that "I disagree with you" is construed as a hate crime. I disagree with lots of people. I'm not "phobic" of any of them. To say so is ridiculous.

It's gaslighting and playing out a fetish. You called it as it was. Well done.

Can this sort of stuff be reported to Facebook? I can’t remember what the official minimum age is for a FB account but I expect the checks are easy to bypass and this seems like the sort of group young teenagers might join. No group should have to see people’s undies unless it’s a group about underwear!

"Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!"

No. That's the problem. And the person is unlikely to have joined the group because of an interest in makeup.

@SirChenjins

YANBU - far too many sites are too quick to pander to the men (it’s one of the reasons I’ll never buy Snag tights again, for example).

Snag tights aren’t getting any more money from me either, what a disappointment they are.

I'd be tempted to turn it back on the group admin. Ask why they jumped to the assumption that the knicker exposing was only a problem because the poster was a transwoman. They made that link. Not you. They sound like a bunch of transphobes to me...
This! Why are they treating trans people as different? That IS transphobia. What you did, OP, is not.

Sorry to hear that but I am glad you reported it here. Obviously we have no power over that group but it is important to share this sort of information

"Can we no longer call out sleazy behaviour?!"

Yes we can. Keep doing it. They can't ban 60% of the planet. Everyone thought in 1940, 1941 and 1942 Hitler would win - but the Allies and the Russians carried on regardless. Carry on as normal.

@Helias

If the person who you criticised was responding just to the comment you quoted and you had made no mention of the person's trans status then I would say the person who called you names and complained about you is transphobic, and very likely so is whoever made the official decision to remove you from the group.

To imply that a trans person should not be criticised for inappropriate behavior when other members of the group are not protected in the same way assumes that trans people as a group are especially fragile, and perhaps mentally unstable or unresiliant - which is an inaccurate generalisation and especially damaging as trans status is closely associated with sex dysphoria (which until very recently has been stigmatised as a mental illness).

To imply that gratuitously showing one's underwear in a group where that's not the norm is somehow automatically associated with being trans - as if this is typical behaviour of trans people as a group and/or that a trans person cannot help doing this and therefore it is transphobic to comment negatively even without mentioning the trans status - also fosters widespread negative myths and stereotypes about trans people.

Can you make a counter-complaint about the person who complained about you, and about the decision-maker who removed you from the group? Also please consider reporting their transphobia to the FaceBook moderation team; I'm sure it's not allowed on the platform.

Good post.

It was transphobic of the admin and member to imply that showing one's underwear is a trans human right. Normal trans people want to live their lives not flash people (with or without underwear).

This logic only harms trans people and violates all human rights. If you follow this 'logic' through you get more extreme examples like Jessica Yaniv suing female beauticians for not wanting to intimately wax Yaniv's balls and a University LGBT group calling a lesbian a nazi for not wanting to date a TW.

OP are there young people in the group? if yes, it's a safeguarding issue.

A previous poster had an excellent point - Facebook is for 13+ and therefore there could be many children interested in makeup in that group.

Which makes an adult - male or female - flashing their underwear in a group purporting to be about make up, very problematic indeed for the admins.

So for that alone, I'd report the group.

@SirChenjins

YANBU - far too many sites are too quick to pander to the men (it’s one of the reasons I’ll never buy Snag tights again, for example).

Same here, Snag have turned out to be a massive disappointment, gutting 😔

You did the right thing, the admin/mod who removed you from the group didn't. Sadly I've now had to resort to hiding posters in groups whose content I'm uncomfortable with rather than reporting anything because I don't want to be refused to access spaces that I otherwise enjoy. It's fucked up.

Worth quietly watching and noticing how often 'transphobia' in functional use often translates basically as 'showed me a boundary'. And how often the use of the word serves as an attempt to discourage and punish females for quite normal, everyday boundaries.

We get this in all female car groups on FB too. Lots of pics of our cars and the work we've done modifying them etc. Rarely put ourselves in the pics and when we do, we are in overalls or old hoodies. A certain member who has sprayed their car pink, likes to put up pics of themself spread-eagled over the bonnet, legs akimbo, in fishnets and miniskirt. This person is roundly ignored as, I guess, we are all terrified of being booted off the group if we say anything.

You were right to do so . I am fed up with these guys in women's groups and I notice that women GUSH and FAWN OVER these men with their comments much more than other women. Why do they do this ? An example was when this trans woman was challenging the work code at the office and was hauled up for showing too much skin . The amount of support for this person " You go girl " etc etc . This trans woman is sadly often dressed in revealing clothes and also discusses her dates on the page . This is a fucking fashion group . Yes , someone will say " I have a date night what can I wear ?" but this conversation goes deeper - cue pics of her in a swimsuit and wondering what her boyfriend will think . WTF .🙄