Why do some men hate women?

[Nightmarenextdoor]

Not sure that’s the right question or if this is the right place but it’s been nagging away at me since reading about the Plymouth shootings because it resonates so much with my experiences in online dating.

I’ve spoken to so many men that remind me of that guy - obviously not as extreme but who are for some reason (often the way they look but also just being ‘different’) not ticking the boxes for women. They haven’t generally ticked any for me either and in fact I’m not getting many matches myself but it doesn’t fill me with hatred for every man (although I am pretty cynical about it).

And then there’s the way people behave - I’ve heard women do it too but men are just so brutal, so completely disregarding of feelings or manners, and if you don’t look or behave like their idea of what a woman should you either get ‘what you deserve’ - whatever their version of that is - or are ignored completely.

I count myself very much as a feminist but I’m not up on everything that gets discussed on here. This really worries me though, I’m a single mum raising a daughter and I feel the future for us is bleak and scary in terms of how men view us - at best we’ll get one who ‘only’ expects us to look amazing and be open minded in bed as a minimum, at worst it’ll be one who despises us just for being female.

Yes it was really difficult at times ..and as a Psychiatric Nurse I met men who REALLY hated women so knew the difference ...I managed to get a couple of the guys to local folk clubs and walking groups where they at least had the opportunity to meet other people in a unthreatening atmosphere..cos if you try and talk to a woman in a pub ..well..
Cant claim any marriages from my attempts but at least they got talking to women and could form a friendship first ..some of the guys hadnt spoken to a woman socially in years .

I wonder how many men, currently spouting about Afghanistan and women's right, would actually quietly say nothing, if women lost their rights in this country. How many men secretly just want women to stfu?

Lots ....I've met many men who think women have it easy , are coasting in the marriage especially if the children are young and in day care so the wife can go to her pilates class and set up a micro networking coaching business whch never makes money while the husband is driving a van or flogging himself half to death in a business he hates. I've listened to these men ...not one of them would actually manage well if they had to do the real wife work .

There's a tendency in films and TV series for the wife/girlfriend/love-interest of the leading male character to be "hotter" than he is. DH and I have found this is practically a law, and have wondered what it means. Maybe the men watching think of themselves as deserving in that way, while the women just accept it as a male fantasy?

I wonder too if some men—not just incels, but ordinary blokes too, of the sort ginandbearit knows—have too high expectations, in physical terms, so they reject women who don't meet their unrealistically high standards, but don't even try with women they know will reject them.

@ginandbearit

It's not just the need for sex though ..the other needs of nurturing , comfort and validation are also desired , and when young men try to gain that from other women ( other than their mothers) and are rejected then resentment can grow . I'm a man and when in my forties and single, I had a bunch of male friends I called The Unshaggable Men because ..well ..they were .They were good guys but clumsy , nerdy , not good looking frankly , never the first pick for teams at school, a bit obsessive on hobbies and rock bands . Anyone of them would have made a good partner and dad given the right circumstances and opportunity, but early rejection and then self protection made them withdraw from trying to get female attention . None of them ever expressed hatred or resentment of women , more a sadness and resignation that they wouldnt find a partner ...so unlike the incels we're discussing, no animosity from them , maybe because they were older, and younger men have been fed a diet of not just porn but entitlement too .

I think this is very true. Even good looking men can feel like this. If they are shy or just miss out on some formative experiences it can have consequences for how they view themselves in relation to women. Many men on the spectrum as well.

It’s their sense of male entitlement and inability to recognise their own shortcomings.

For some men , yes. Not all. Some men have very little confidence and are well aware of their own shortcomings.

I posted way above about the medias perpetual way of showing women.
I think, now, the media needs to portray men in an honest way.
If men are only shown that men are strong but sensitive, perfect figures...
Its still no excuse for the violent actions of some men.
I think the primary school link with male teachers is really interesting.
Boys at an early age seeing men in a caring roll must be an influence.

Dr Jane Clare Jones is one of the best resources for this topic

Twitter for easy to understand summaries and glorious swearing
twitter.com/janeclarejones

Website for in-depth PHD University Professor level expert theory
janeclarejones.com/

And spats with misogynist men on the left
Like Owen Jones
twitter.com/janeclarejones/status/1427377939948183553

Why are there so few male primary teachers - do you get more in other countries? Perhaps this is something the Gov could do some promotion on.

greatauntemily I think tradionally, it's cos they can get better pay elsewhere. Those who do go into it, tend to head to management or out of teaching all together, then write books telling the rest of us how to do it.

Annoyingly, my own kids have always rated their male teachers more highly than their female teachers.

greatauntemily I think tradionally, it's cos they can get better pay elsewhere.

Yes, this is probably why but nowadays the younger generation (in my limited experience) seem to not rate high pay and long hours as highly as they were and have more interest in a good quality of life - especially as it is the norm for both partners to work.

Surely women could also get better pay elsewhere too?

I think often it's still that thing that women are steered more towards roles with children. And they tend to pay less. I also wonder if primary teaching is seen as a woman's job. You def get more men in secondary, but then, mainly in certain subjects.