Advice: schools socially transitioning children without parental knowledge or consent.

[Libby55]

Hi,

The school I work in is socially transitioning children by changing their names and pronouns without informing parents. Adults working in school are supposed to keep this a secret when communicating with parents. I believe this is a safeguarding issue and that the school is harming children. This is something I know little about and I'm asking for help because I'm looking for an organisation that specifically campaigns against schools harming children in this way. My colleagues share my concerns but are afraid to raise their concerns. My union seems to have adopted gender identity politics. I have to do something: I can see children being harmed. If any of you know of a teacher's group that is lobbying against the practice of socially transitioning children without parents' knowledge or consent, please let me know. I would like to get involved.

There is always a risk, as we can see from this thread alone, that parents on discovering their minor child may be transgender, will not respond supportively and helpfully,

That's quite a leap you've made there @EyeEdinburgh - where can you identify on this thread where people would not or are not supportive or helpful to their children?

Yes and there’s a risk that adults outside the family will encourage a child who is not their responsibility (that they don’t really know) into potentially life altering decisions.

@CandyLeBonBon

There is always a risk, as we can see from this thread alone, that parents on discovering their minor child may be transgender, will not respond supportively and helpfully,

That's quite a leap you've made there @EyeEdinburgh - where can you identify on this thread where people would not or are not supportive or helpful to their children?

My post on p6, for one?

I grant that's about a gay kid, not a trans one, but I defy you to say the father in that (true) scenario would have been one bit more accepting of a trans kid.

[quote EyeEdinburgh]@MrsOvertonsWindow Why would you think a staff member should be concerned about a child's welfare because a child identified as Dennis by the parents, has told teachers and friends that she wants to be called Gloria when she's at school, and hasn't told her parents yet that she feels she's Gloria, not Dennis?[/quote]
Don't you think that might cause a bit of confusion, distress and concern for the Dennis/Gloria come parent consultation?

If Dennis wishes to be described as Gloria and be referred to as she/her, what happens during parent consultations? Does the teacher knowingly misgender them, often whilst they're there? thus causing immense distress?

It is alleged that Gender dysphoria is associated with suicidal ideation. If a child expresses distress at identifying with their natal biology, then knowing the issues surrounding gender dysphoria, why would you NOT refer that as a safeguarding concern? Higher likelihood of self harm, suicidal ideation and possibly seeking out self-medication are all areas for concern. Why would you not consider that a safeguarding issue?

@CandyLeBonBon

There is always a risk, as we can see from this thread alone, that parents on discovering their minor child may be transgender, will not respond supportively and helpfully,

That's quite a leap you've made there @EyeEdinburgh - where can you identify on this thread where people would not or are not supportive or helpful to their children?

I think they mean parents may not allow their child to make decisions that cause them permanant harm, increases risk to their mental health or leaves them open to be groomed by adults with dubious intent.

[quote EyeEdinburgh]@MrsOvertonsWindow Why would you think a staff member should be concerned about a child's welfare because a child identified as Dennis by the parents, has told teachers and friends that she wants to be called Gloria when she's at school, and hasn't told her parents yet that she feels she's Gloria, not Dennis?[/quote]
EyeEdinburgh

All children are entitled to care and support from schools. The idea that a school would leave a child embarking on this massive journey unsupported is unthinkable - especially if their parents aren't aware. An individual adult may well not be aware of any other issues that the child faces, hence the direction that staff must share information according to school policies. Then there'll be discussions about the child, other relevant information and next steps.
Every enquiry into child safeguarding disasters highlights adults failing to share information as a critical factor.

This thread is jaw dropping.

I hope those on this thread who think teachers can decide what’s best for a child over the parents do not work with children. This is unbelievable and quite scary. Reading this thread has made me even more determined to have these discussions with the SGL at my school and suggest more training for all staff just in case they share some of these crazy ideas.
The only time I have ever withheld information from a parent was under direct instruction from a child protection social worker who is under instruction from legal professionals. and that is how it will always be in the future.

This thread is making my head hurt.

We do not encourage children to keep secrets with adults. You can wrap that up whatever way you want, but it doesn't change it. No NEU guidance, or school 'policy' can override that.

Safeguarding is like a very messy jigsaw puzzle. When undertaking enquiries, the Social Worker has to painstakingly work through all the information, gathering different threads to build the bigger picture. Any serious case review (in either adults or children), without fail, indicates issues with communication between involved people, and usually it is a failure of communication between different agencies. When we start to work within a culture whereby it's acceptable to not disclose x or y, for z reason, mistakes happen. Often when I'm interviewing other professionals, they have no idea that certain things they've said have extreme relevance to the case, and this is why we work to a 'no secrets' policy (quite literally in adults).

A school teacher, cannot, and should not, be making decisions and final judgments about what families should and should not know on the basis of the 'maybes' and 'what if scenarios' being talked about in some posts. That is not within their statutory remit. Being a teacher does not override a parents' parental responsibility. We know that people, in general, are very poor at assessing risk, and this is amplified when the risk assessment is being undertaken by an individual without outside input. That is why safeguarding investigations are not completed by one individual alone, and why Social Workers are specifically trained in the way we are. I am alarmed by some of the statements made by PPs which suggest that they take an autonomous approach towards safeguarding, and in some cases they appear to be doing their own version of a safeguarding investigation (& badly at that). That is not your role and you are not trained to do so. As I said before, you should not be stepping outside your role and area of expertise. If you identify a safeguarding issue, you refer it, you do not attempt to investigate it yourself and come to your own conclusions.

If you don't take anything else away from what I've said, please remember that abuse thrives on silence and by being silent, you have no idea what you are being complicit with.

There is always a risk, as we can see from this thread alone, that parents on discovering their minor child may be transgender, will not respond supportively and helpfully

Sorry, but it's not within a school's remit to dictate what constitutes supportive or helpful parenting. Or to decide to circumvent parents in order to give children what they (currently) want. It is not a school's job to collude with the child in keeping secrets from their parents or guardians.

Cross-posted with you outthere you said what I was trying to say.

Why on earth was my post deleted? I said you can't promise to keep secrets with safeguarding and that anyone ignoring that is a red flag, including certain posters on this thread.
I'm pretty sure if any of said posters reveal they do work with children Mumsnet is obligated to pass on their details to their school. It's in their terms. So how is me pointing out that their behaviour is against the teaching and safeguarding standards deletable. FFS.

Put simply, arguing against safeguarding by suggesting it is appropriate to promise to keep secrets to children is apparently the No 1 priority for Trans rights activists on this thread.
People stating that this is in error are being called creepy and it's being suggested that you either keep secrets, or you are advocating beatings.

Let the objective reader conclude from that what they will.

Let the objective reader conclude from that what they will.

I have found that whenever TRAs who have seen MN threads on Twitter come over to post, it brings a lot of sunlight.

I’m not sure why I’m surprised - if people don’t care about women’s safeguarding, why would they care about children’s?

You're not alone in dealing with this as well op. Quite a concerning thread on teacher twitter a few days ago with several accounts very openly stating that they would probably agree to conceal these changes from parents on the child's request. Baffling.

@Clymene

This thread is jaw dropping.

It is. Particularly when read in conjunction with the current DoE guidance which states:

“ You should work together with parents on any decisions regarding your school’s treatment of their child, in line with the school’s safeguarding policy and the statutory guidance on working together to safeguard children.”

What part of working together with parents says keep secrets from parents?

www.gov.uk/guidance/plan-your-relationships-sex-and-health-curriculum

I'm incredulous at the NEU attempting to write pastoral care "guidance" on trans issues for all schools ( so from Nursery age through to 18 years olds) as if they're a homogenous mass. They reference the Equality Act & Public Sector Equality duty with zero mention of the need to safeguard children. Not even in the references - which of course offer Mermaids, Gendered Intelligence and the Genderbread Person.

@iNCdForThis the example you give is awful, but the issue there is the abusive parent who had never been identified as such. I could recount many very similar stories relating to girls in heterosexual relationships - one who was beaten unconscious by her “pillar of the community” father for having sex with a boy of the same age. Abuse is abuse, and there’s no telling what might trigger an attack by a parent who is so minded. You noted that the mother had lived with abuse all of her married life, so while the particular attack was hung on the child’s sexuality, the abuse had been happening for years with no support for the child or the non-abusing parent.

Preventing the vast majority of supportive parents from knowing what’s happening in their children’s lives, colluding with the children against the parents won’t stop parents abusing their children. Open, collaborative relationships with parents are key in safeguarding, even when the danger might be presented by the parents.

Teachers are explicitly not allowed to promise confidentiality to a child.

This. You're not allowed to do it. Promising confidentiality to a child, sets them up be told that minors having 'secrets' with an adult is acceptable.

Who the fuck would advocate for that?