Advice: schools socially transitioning children without parental knowledge or consent.

[Libby55]

Hi,

The school I work in is socially transitioning children by changing their names and pronouns without informing parents. Adults working in school are supposed to keep this a secret when communicating with parents. I believe this is a safeguarding issue and that the school is harming children. This is something I know little about and I'm asking for help because I'm looking for an organisation that specifically campaigns against schools harming children in this way. My colleagues share my concerns but are afraid to raise their concerns. My union seems to have adopted gender identity politics. I have to do something: I can see children being harmed. If any of you know of a teacher's group that is lobbying against the practice of socially transitioning children without parents' knowledge or consent, please let me know. I would like to get involved.

The kids say their parents are a danger to them if they're outed then you don't out them, ever.
If the child is saying their parents are a danger to them, you explore and investigate the danger posed by parents because that’s highly unlikely to be restricted to their gender identity alone.

If a child says 'please don't share this information with my parents, I'm worried they will take it badly' then surely that would help to put in motion plans to help that child be safe, whatever the long term plan for their gender identity?

That's the long and short of it.

When I was abused as a kid, I didn't want anyone to tell my mum. I told a dinner lady because I was so distraught. I told her not to tell anyone - especially as my mum worked in my school. Safeguarding as we know it didn't exist when I was 12. I wish it had. Because it might have stopped it.

Kids will often not want to tell their parents things that they perceive as scary. That doesn't mean keeping quiet is the right thing to do.

To those saying “ If a child's parents are considered to be a danger to that child, isn't that alone a safeguarding concern?” - It might well be, and there could be notes of concern already on school files? However, as an earlier poster illustrated, you can’t always tell the parents who might be abusive - they might be popular and powerful members of the local community. The young person might not be confident enough to talk about what they are like behind closed doors, so their request to the teacher to ‘maintain confidentiality’ needs to be taken at face value. This is not about “keeping secrets” it’s about keeping kids safe when they have greater knowledge about what their family life is than their teacher.

You are confusing confidentiality and secrets. School have no legal right to give children a different name or gender identity.

Redhoodgirl, you are pissing in the wind with any sort of assertion that school staff should or would ever promise confidentiality to a disclosing young person, and it simply doesn't matter whether you would like the staff to do this or not.

@somethinginoffensive

If you plan to out those poor children I mean this in the most impolite way; You are not qualified, nor human enough to be educating children.

No need to be impolite. The thing is, I recently spoke to a parent who discovered her child was being socially transitioned at school. She found out because another parent mentioned it to her.

If the school is openly socially transitioning a child at school they should make the parents aware, at the very least, because schools exist in communities and what happens at school will soon be widely known.

If the school believes parents to be abusive then that should be raised as a safeguarding issue.

If that was me, and either of my kids, I'd genuinely be asking myself why they felt they couldn't come to me and tell me.

No individual teacher could (or would) ever make that decision.

Have you had no safeguarding training?

The young person might not be confident enough to talk about what they are like behind closed doors, so their request to the teacher to ‘maintain confidentiality’ needs to be taken at face value.

How far does that go though? In situations where there are known concerns about abuse parents are informed and investigations take place - often with the child remaining at home with safeguards in place. We don’t just remove kids and not talk to parents. We don’t withhold information from parents on the basis it may place the child at risk - we investigate the concerns raised. Would you withhold information about grooming, abuse, substance misuse, self harm on the basis that parents are dangerous?

Safeguarding/child protection investigations are carried out by social workers, who are trained, qualified and have the legal basis to carry out such enquiries. If a school has a concern about a parent presenting a danger for any reason, they need to involve qualified professionals to look at it - not simply take a child at face value, not least because issues of abuse aren’t confined to gender identity and there may be current risk flying under the radar.

“ School have no legal right to give children a different name or gender identity” - You are correct, they don’t. But as the pupils aren’t LEGALLY changing their name or pronouns, then the school has every “right” to do this.

In fact, schools do it all the time - using ‘nicknames’ or preferred names on school registers or in the classroom. A pupil’s legal name is Abigail, they ask to be called Abby. Another has David John on their birth certificate, but everyone calls them DJ. Another was named Christine at birth, but requests to be called Chris… or maybe C.J…. or maybe Jay?

How is this a safeguarding issue?

For any non-teachers reading this: teacher's don't make calls home about serious matters - they make referrals if there's a possible child protection issue. Schools have several senior staff that have extensive training in safeguarding. Schools work alongside many agencies that all serve to protect children from harm. Together, all these agencies will hopefully arrive at decisions that can best support children and their families. The reason I am asking for advice is not from a desire to undermine safeguarding protocols but because I want my school to enforce safeguarding protocols. If it turns out that my school has failed to do so, any and all teachers have a duty to raise the alarm.

I keep seeing this narrative that children must not tell their parents that they are questioning their gender because it with have devestating consequenses.

Surely thats a huge red flag and a safeguarding issue in its own right?

Oh my goodness that is so wide off the mark it is untrue. Both my children have their names shortened at school, ds has his officially down as his preferred name, that is completely different to him asking to be known as Jane.

It’s a safeguarding issue because changing your male name for a female one, using the opposite pronouns gives you access to traditionally single sex spaces, which presents a safeguarding concern for all concerned. It’s a safeguarding issue because, if you honestly believe the information purported by the likes of Stonewall and Mermaids, the child has a higher risk of self harm and suicide. It’s a safeguarding risk because you have a child with a potentially life changing mental health condition not receiving treatment for that condition. It’s a safeguarding issue because it leaves the child open to grooming online from groups who wound pretend t have their best interests at heart.

It’s utterly disingenuous to suggest it’s the same as having a school nickname.

If gender dysphoria is the serious issue you say it is, the child should be fully supported by appropriate professionals. By saying it’s “just a nickname” you utterly undermine your own argument - if it’s just a nickname, there’s no danger attached.

I see lots and lots of confirmation bias and twisting and turning to excuse outing LGBT pupils to their parents, regardless of whether it might put the young person in danger. I don’t believe many people here are willing to discuss in good faith - preferring to double-down on their existing position - so will bow out of this conversation now.

Fortunately safeguarding policy puts the safety and needs of the young person first - over and above the wants of the teachers or even parents. I am hopeful that teaching and education organisations will clarify this in time, so that the OP and other teachers will have detailed, irrefutable instructions on how they should / shouldn’t act.

But forgetting to call someone by their nickname or mistakenly calling them by their given name rather than their nickname is not the same as this assertion that misgendering or misnaming someone is 'literal violence' though, is it?

A nickname is often a simple and innocuous and most likely passing quirk of childhood and the other carries with it the weight of extreme activism behind it, which can damage lives, careers and hard won rights.

It's not the same and you know it. If a teacher simply forgot a child's nickname, it would be considered a simple mistake. If a school blindly affirms a child's desire to change names and pronouns, whilst encouraging that child to believe that doing so actually changes their sex, and then mistakenly 'misgenders' that child, the weight of an entire ideology will come crashing down spitting terms like 'literal violence' and inferring that your words will encourage suicidal thoughts.

It's bloody disingenuous to suggest it's the same.

If a child has dysmorphia to the extent that they wish to opt out of their biology, then that child needs a great deal of collaborative support. Including, where appropriate and safe, their parents.

I don’t believe many people here are willing to discuss in good faith (don’t have any legislative basis for my assertions about safeguarding) - preferring to double-down on their existing position (stand by existing safeguarding legislation as reflecting the legal position) so will bow out of this conversation now.

Fixed it for you, you’re welcome.

I am hopeful that teaching and education organisations will clarify this in time, so that the OP and other teachers will have detailed, irrefutable instructions on how they should / shouldn’t act.

I’m hopeful of this too, I’m also hopeful they actually read the legislation first.

Given the levels of misinformation here about safeguarding, here's a link to the statutory guidance that all schools must follow. It states:

Any staff member who has a concern about a child’s welfare should follow the referral processes set out in paragraphs 41-53

There are no exceptions, no keeping secrets, no deciding that individual adults or schools or teaching unions know better.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/954314/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_2020_-Update-_January_2021.pdf

I keep seeing this narrative that children must not tell their parents that they are questioning their gender because it with have devestating consequenses.

I gather this is a narrative they get from the internet - REddit, Tumblr, all those sites which are infected with gender extremist ideology & transactivism.

Genspect might also be helpful: a new organisation set up by Angus Fox: Genspect

He's talked to @glinner and Benjamin Boyce and sounds very reasonable: a gay ma who works with children, and says that he would have been a candidate for transition when he was a young boy ... there but for the grace of God, he says. I recommend the Boyce interview: Boyce can be annoying but he has a way of drawing out his interviewees in extended conversations.

The lack of understanding of basic safeguarding principles on this thread is shocking.

No one is suggesting that a teacher, taken into confidence by a child about anything, would immediately go to the parents and repeat what the child said. What they would (and are legally obliged to) do is refer it up the safeguarding chain, where decisions are made by those who are trained to do so.

What they must not do is promise to keep a secret of any kind. Everyone knows that. Whether posters saying otherwise are being disingenuous or just plain lying, I don't know

@MrsOvertonsWindow Why would you think a staff member should be concerned about a child's welfare because a child identified as Dennis by the parents, has told teachers and friends that she wants to be called Gloria when she's at school, and hasn't told her parents yet that she feels she's Gloria, not Dennis?