Advice: schools socially transitioning children without parental knowledge or consent.

[Libby55]

Hi,

The school I work in is socially transitioning children by changing their names and pronouns without informing parents. Adults working in school are supposed to keep this a secret when communicating with parents. I believe this is a safeguarding issue and that the school is harming children. This is something I know little about and I'm asking for help because I'm looking for an organisation that specifically campaigns against schools harming children in this way. My colleagues share my concerns but are afraid to raise their concerns. My union seems to have adopted gender identity politics. I have to do something: I can see children being harmed. If any of you know of a teacher's group that is lobbying against the practice of socially transitioning children without parents' knowledge or consent, please let me know. I would like to get involved.

[quote EyeEdinburgh]@Datan "you should not encourage children to have secrets from their parents with adults."

No one does. The issue is, what if the child very much wants - despite their teacher telling them they need to talk to their parents - NOT to talk to their parents about the subject at hand? Shouldn't we be discussing why transphobic parents aren't working hard to be not-transphobic in front of their children, at least, so that if one of their children is trans, they'll feel able to tell their parents?[/quote]
Socially transitioning a child at school without their parents' knowledge is something that the Department of education is against. A parent not wanting their child to be socially transitioned may have a million reasons why, none of which constitute transphobia.

Many children transition because of trauma, because of sexual orientation or ASD.

It's not something that can be dealt with by accusations of transphobia.

Hi @archery2, thank you for your post and for the links you provided! Luckily my husband has access to academic journals so I've been able to download the articles.

I kinda lost it at ‘Why would the child be present at a parent-teacher meeting’

@OldCrone "People have repeatedly told you that these guidelines should be followed."

Yes. And I agree. what none of the people on this thread have managed to explain is why they think that because Dennis tells the class teacher "I want you to call me Gloria and use she/her pronouns" this means the child's welfare is at risk. Providing the school has stout and effective anti-bullying policies, the class ought to follow the teacher's lead and call Gloria, Gloria. Maybe the child is a trans girl. Maybe not.

@RufustheBadgeringReindeer

I kinda lost it at ‘Why would the child be present at a parent-teacher meeting’

Quite!

I work in a school that does this and I know 80% of the parents would go mental if they knew (its a mainly Muslem school) but because I dont know any of the parents I dont know how to tell them what is going on.

@Datun: "Many children transition because of trauma, because of sexual orientation or ASD. "

Okay, I give up. That's exactly what bigots used to say about lesbian or gay children - we're only queer because of trauma.

Once you move on to "My child is LGBT because someone did something to them" rather than "my child is LGBT, I will love and support my child" you are lost.

@rogdmum

*They're not telling them to keep it a secret though?! I'm seeing it as you get asked at school what name you go by, and they then proceed to call you it. It's not like they're going 'dunt tell your mum and dad we call you that!' '' they just would surely, they don't send a letter home or ring them up to say this is what we're calling your child*

My son was told to not tell us that his sister was not a boy at school because she didn’t want us to know but agreed that he should be told in case she needed “support” at school. He did tell us. Definite attempt at secret keeping there.

The school pretended they backed down after we explained that a child psychologist who had assessed her the previous year when she identified as non binary recommended we not affirm. They eventually referred us to social services for not affirming her as a boy which had near catastrophic consequences to her mental health and more professional assessments. Social services agreed with the advice of the MH experts to not affirm her and said the school were causing division.

Keeping secrets from parents about gender distress can absolutely be a safeguarding risk and teachers who just see a snapshot of a child are not in a position to make that call.

And it’s still unlawful. 😉

Just quoting another post from earlier in the thread that you seem to have missed @EyeEdinburgh.

This is what happens when schools take action when they don't have all the information about the child. This is why parents need to be involved.

@dyslek Good! Please follow DoE guidelines and continue not to tell the parents.

You're determined that no harm will be done by affirming Gloria as Dennis aren't you? You completely fail to recognise that positive affirmation can be very harmful. You fail to acknowledge that teachers are not trained psychotherapists, counsellors, mental health practitioners - it's those people that are able to decide whether calling Gloria Dennis is the right way forward. Not teachers. Teachers are qualified and trained to TEACH. When Gloria tells Miss Jones to call her Dennis Miss Jones is categorically not qualified to just go 'yeah fine'. Furthermore Miss Jones is legally obliged to inform the safeguarding lead who will then discuss with appropriate authorities what the best course of action is. Which may be discussing with parents, it may be informing social services who may have some background information on the family that explains Gloria's sudden dysphorai.

But schools and teachers must not decide for themselves. End of.

[quote EyeEdinburgh]@9toenails Thanks again for confirming that your children are great parents who know how to protect their children against rude , bigoted adults. Your high opinion of your children as parents is evidently well justified.

@Jellycatspyjamas Thanks again for confirming - as indeed @TheSlayer and @Soontobe60 also do immediately below - that you strongly believe that a child who can't trust their parents should have no trusted adults to rely on.

@CandyLeBonBon Well, apparently the majority view of "safeguarding" on this thread is to make sure that a child who can't trust their parents shouldn't have any trusted adults in their life, because better a child is alone and unsupported than they have anyone they can depend on.

Fortunately, the Department of Education guidelines about safeguarding, which teachers' unions rely on for actual safeguarding in actual schools, do not support the majority belief on this thread.[/quote]
Why do you assume that all parents are not able to be trusted? Why do you believe that a parent has no right to know what is happening in their child’s life? Are you a parent? Do you have trust issues? Methinks you are either incredibly naive or just plain ignorant.

I've tried telling my parents I want to be Dennis, but they don't listen to me

In your scenario, Dennis’s parents are already aware of Dennis’s gender questioning

So far from a scenario about teachers not disclosing, you’ve moved it on to a scenario where they’re over ruling the parents wishes not to entertain social transitioning.

I think maybe you should step away now. Or not, up to you. But this isn’t going well for putting forward your position.

[quote EyeEdinburgh]@dyslek Good! Please follow DoE guidelines and continue not to tell the parents.[/quote]
Can you show me where in the DfE guidelines teachers are told to keep secrets from parents?

@EyeEdinburgh; you do not understand safeguarding and why its been introduced, safeguarding is about creating an environment where abuse just cant happen because everyone followed certain rules about how they interact with children. The first rule is; you do not have secrets with the child as it creates an environment that can be exploited iykwim.

@Soontobe60 Why do you assume that all parents are able to be trusted? That no parents are homophobic, sexist, prolife, transphobic? And are you always this rude? Did your parents not bring you up to be polite?

80% of children who identify as trans will desist. I don't know how many children who identify as lesbian or gay do but I suspect it's a much smaller number.

Children identify as trans for a myriad of reasons. Children come out as gay or lesbian because they're attracted to other children of the same sex.

They are not the same.

Things that are safeguarding issues that could but don't always relate to trans issues.

Child withdrawn(possible abuse)
Child hiding body (possible abuse)
Personality change(possible abuse)
Oversexualised behaviour (you get the idea)
Child taking experimental drugs
Child self harming or doing practises that lead to self harm (i.e. binders)
Suicidal thoughts.
Internet usage and exposure to age inappropriate content.

@LangClegsInSpace At a quick glance, the rest of NEU's guidance looks terrible too. How do we get this changed?

We need teachers who are in the NEU to speak up. All those of us who are in the NEU need to take a stance. The majority of teachers have children's well-being as their priority. Don't let a loud minority of people put you off!

Also are you suggesting that Muslim parents would harm their children. Please try to raign in your racism; people on here find that shit very offensive.

And I agree. what none of the people on this thread have managed to explain is why they think that because Dennis tells the class teacher "I want you to call me Gloria and use she/her pronouns" this means the child's welfare is at risk.

So you’ve completely disregarded the research linked to up thread which outlines the risks to the child of social transitioning. If the child has gender dysphoria, they need appropriate clinical support - to not provide that presents a risk to their welfare, and Miss Jones the pastoral care teacher really isn’t qualified either to diagnose gender dysphoria or to understand the therapeutic process needed to support social transitioning both for the child in question and the other children in the school.

You’re also overlooking issues of social contagion which research indicates is at play in the huge rise in young girls wanting to identify as male, or the 60% of young people who detransition - I suspect had those children had access to good therapeutic support they might have not needed to go through the, at best, tricky process of transitioning.

that you strongly believe that a child who can't trust their parents should have no trusted adults to rely on.

You’ve still not addressed the issue of how you build a trusting relationship with someone who is prepared to be deceitful with others. If they’ll lie to other people, it’s fair to think they’ll lie to you too.

The DfE.
Schools should “not reinforce harmful stereotypes, for instance by suggesting that children might be a different gender based on their personality and interests or the clothes they prefer to wear”, the guidance states.

They should also not use resources which “suggest that non-conformity to gender stereotypes should be seen as synonymous with having a different gender identity”, and that schools “should not work with external agencies or organisations that produce such material”.

However, the guidance goes on to say that teachers “should always seek to treat individual students with sympathy and support”.

That sympathy and support happens when the team comes together to support the child and family.

Not when weird Mr brown promises to keep secrets in the gym.cupboard.

[quote EyeEdinburgh]**@Soontobe60* Why do you assume that all parents are able to be trusted? That no* parents are homophobic, sexist, prolife, transphobic? And are you always this rude? Did your parents not bring you up to be polite?[/quote]
Why do you assume, with no experience whatsoever, that affirmation is ALWAYS the best course of action?

You, who by their own admission knows nothing of schools, safeguarding or even parenting. Yet on this issue you're so certain that disregarding safeguarding procedures is the correct course of action.