The use of the term 'trans widow'

[aibubaby]

I've found this term in poor taste ever since I saw it, and this article I've seen on Twitter is a great look at why.

rachelemoss.com/2021/06/24/a-letter-to-trans-widows-from-an-actual-widow/

Marriages end all the time because one spouse isn't who the other thought they were. It's sad or heartbreaking or difficult, and people have (obviously) got the right to grieve for a relationship which is no longer the same. But it isn't a death and it's thoughtless to describe it as though it is.

Good to see where your priorities lie, and it is obviously not with women and children.

Or at least those women who have never had a penis.

Perfectly put Helleofabore. The lack of any empathy or even understanding for women and children who find themselves in this invidious position through no fault of their own is astounding.

All the cheering and sycophancy over the man who transitions is sickening, frankly the women who doing this when they are not in the least effected by it should take a long hard look at themselves and hang their heads in shame. I guess I shouldn't be surprised though because as ever it's all about the men, not one single, solitary toss is given for the women and children - plus ca change plus la meme chose.

My ex was planning the transition for months but kept me completely in the dark about it. One evening he announced it as a done deal, and the next day was the last I ever saw of him. It was as sudden as a car crash. I had no time to prepare the children or myself. So yeah, it felt like a death. It was a few years ago but recently one of my DC said something so heartbreaking. They said, very quietly, that sometimes they feel it would be easier if daddy was dead because then they would know why he won't see them. I felt so sorry for them.

I'm not comparing myself to a widow. Widows are widows and transwidows are transwidows, and as someone said upthread, grief is not a competition. Besides, we don't 'go around calling ourselves transwidows.' We don't go round calling ourselves anything at all, because surprise surprise we aren't enabled to speak openly about what's happened to us. The term suffices, but if it was changed I wouldn't care because the important thing is what it represents and what it enables us to do.

TieYourCannons

And for cannon junior too.

@MancunianSeagull receipts??

Go round berating all abuse victims do ya pal? Make you feel righteous, does it?

Despicable.

So is this what MNHQ intended to happen when they corralled off FWR?

The term TransWidow makes me sick to my stomach

that's interesting. what else makes you sick to your stomach?

women being coerced into sexual acts that make them unhappy by their husbands?

women being deceived by their husbands?

men compulsively spending family money on transitioning?

or is it just women who have been subjected to male abusive having words that allow them to find and support each other that make you sick @MancunianSeagull?

The term TransWidow makes me sick to my stomach.

What's the term TRAs use, something about "die mad, lolz"?

Well, this is going well isn't it MNHQ?

MancunianSeagull The term TransWidow makes me sick to my stomach.

Tough.

A name that is no longer in use can be referred to as dead. A human being whom you divorced but who is still alive is NOT dead.

A human being who has XY chromosomes and a penis and testicles is NOT a woman.

See how it goes...?

I have seen some damning posts on mumsnet over the years I have been here, but I've seldom seen anything as unempathetic as MancunianSeagull's post.

I am divorced. I know that had I been widowed I would have received more support, I know that had my children's dad died they would have had much more support from their friends than they had when he just dumped them and disappeared. For me, life would have been easier (financially and practically, if not (possibly) emotionally) had he died.

How much more must those who have lost their husbands/fathers to transitioning feel? My children lost their dad to another woman; children whose dad transitions lose their father to the entire trans movement. Instead of some people disapproving of their father's affair, many people will hail the father as a hero, as brave, as standing up for what he believes in (whatever that is).

They and their mothers are left to pick up the pieces, to try to put their lives back together, with little or no support from friends, family and acquaintances, all of whom have been convinced that their dad/husband is more important than they are.

My sympathy lies 100% with those who have been treated badly, abandoned, deserted, replaced with an ideal. They can call themselves whatever the fuck they like, and anyone judging or criticising them can go to hell as far as I'm concerned

@TinselAngel I am so sad that you have been facing attacks following the article and now from people who believe that the experiences of transwidows is a matter for 'debate'. I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to have your own history re-written against your will.

Many, many women (including myself) lurk on the Transwidows threads and have read the website and are silently cheering you on.

Prawn, I found your post very moving. The love from and for your husband just shines through.

I believe that whatever these women choose to call themselves is up to them. They are sidelined, silenced and have been severely damaged by this movement. None of what happens to them is their fault, they entered a relationship in good faith and have been lied to used and in some cases seriously abused. Here we are on a thread victimising them even further that makes me sick to my stomach.

Sits uncomfortably with me too, as the person isn't dead.
It doesn't make someone a widow.

women being coerced into sexual acts that make them unhappy by their husbands?
OK, I really don't get this - as in, of course that is vile, but what has that got to do with someone being trans?
Someone doing that is an abuser, whether the person is trans is neither here nor there, surely

@Quaggars Do you get equally upset and post in other forums to say so, about people using the term golf widow or football widow or other sporting use?? Or is it just these women that offend you?

Sits uncomfortably with me too, as the person isn't dead.
It doesn't make someone a widow.

So it's not OK to appropriate the word 'widow' but it's fine to appropriate the words 'woman/wife/mother'?

And you don't see any double standards there?

women being coerced into sexual acts that make them unhappy by their husbands?

OK, I really don't get this - as in, of course that is vile, but what has that got to do with someone being trans?

this kind of coercion is a common thread in many of the transwidows experiences I've read about

and as for this

Sits uncomfortably with me too

how completely and utterly astonishing

Trans widows are trans widows due to the trans status of their husbands, perfectly simple, perfectly descriptive and perfectly acceptable.

You, Quaggars accept the mangling of language and a host of other terms being appropriated that do a lot more damage and sit a darn sight more than just uncomfortably.