Schoolgirl, 15, ‘stopped from using toilet while on period’

[WinnieSmith]

Schoolgirl, 15, ‘stopped from using toilet while on period’ then put in seclusion

metro.co.uk/2021/05/31/schoolgirl-15-stopped-from-using-toilet-while-on-her-period-14680071/

"...we do ask that students make every effort to do this during break and lunch time to minimise disruption to lessons..."

@JellySlice

If this was my dd, I'd probably respond "You were right to go when you did - if you genuinely needed - and the teacher was right to give you detention for disobedience." And that would be the end of it. Ok, I would probably come here to discuss it, too. But sometimes both sides can be right.

How is the teacher right? Sorry but this is bullshit. If the girl needed to leave to attend to her period she needed to leave. She shouldn’t have to announce it in front of the class or ask permission. Her period needed to be dealt with. Or do you think she should have sat and bled over her chair? The teacher was out of order and if it was my daughter I would be raising hell at the school.

Just pasting a link to this reasonably recent thread regarding something very similar and conclusion being that DD was not telling the truth about her period and was indeed, using it as an excuse regarding punctuality and rudeness etc. A very reasonable mother in this case.

It is definitely an issue in schools that obviously only affects girls and always has been, which is why it is a fine line between letting all go to toilet whenever they want (even 5 minutes in to a lesson after an hour long lunch break) and making sure pupils don’t continually lie and use it as an excuse to disrupt their education further.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4231476-Email-from-school-about-DD

@sharksarecool

Teenagers usually are still getting used to having periods, so we make allowances for them. When I was 15 my periods were all over the place!
Letting teenage girls go to the bathroom will lead to women not being surgeons is some slippery-slope nonsense that nobody said or implied. If you have to make something up to be offended at, maybe reassess your point.

@sharksarecool

To those who support all girls being allowed to leave lessons all the time because it's impossible to manage periods any other way: do you think some careers should be closed off to women gor rhis reason? Because I'm pretty sure jobs like surgeons or bus drivers won't be able ti facilitate sudden downing of tools or pulling over into a layby to accommodate menstrual cycles. And didn't women of the past have to fight for the right to do these jobs, against men who used our periods as one of the reasons why we couldn't do things? Are we really suggesting that women cannot be relied on to perform any role which requires us to be away from a toilet for longer than 50 minutes? Bloody hell, I hope this isn't what 5th wave feminism is going to look like!

This makes no sense whatsoever - there are many of us with endo who do have to manage and find ways - however we are talking about children here - young girls who may flood without a prior history of it. Of course we need to make exceptions for girls, boys don’t have periods and they aren’t hindered by them in any area of life - but if they did you bet there would be provision to make it easier for them!

@sharksarecool

To those who support all girls being allowed to leave lessons all the time because it's impossible to manage periods any other way: do you think some careers should be closed off to women gor rhis reason? Because I'm pretty sure jobs like surgeons or bus drivers won't be able ti facilitate sudden downing of tools or pulling over into a layby to accommodate menstrual cycles. And didn't women of the past have to fight for the right to do these jobs, against men who used our periods as one of the reasons why we couldn't do things? Are we really suggesting that women cannot be relied on to perform any role which requires us to be away from a toilet for longer than 50 minutes? Bloody hell, I hope this isn't what 5th wave feminism is going to look like!

Yes, because saying that if a teenage girl needs to go to the loo during a lesson she should be able to is exactly like saying no women should ever be surgeons.

It is very difficult indeed. Even more so for supply teachers (like me) who are often in classes where we know none of the students (so have no idea who might be trying it on) and where students are doing a load of pre-set cover work and are therefore more bored than in a normal lesson.

To suggest (as at least one poster did) that teenagers wouldn't be pretending they needed the toilet in order to get out of a lesson unless there was a problem and they needed more support is laughably naïve and comes across as though you've never met a teenager.

During one lesson the other day, I had 9 14yo students ask to go to the toilet. Absolutely no way of knowing who really needed to go. Once you let one go, the others start asking. It would be within almost any teenager's ability to be convincing. If you don't teach them regularly, you don't see a pattern of who asks all the time. I've been a teacher for over 20 years - I'm no rookie. As previous posters have said, SLT find kids vaping and making Tik Toks in the toilets.

If a girl asked to go and seemed genuine, I would let her go. But it still causes problems if you've said no or subsequently say no to other students. There is no easy answer to this.

Oh yes, and as a perimenopausal woman with heavy periods and clotting, I still have to manage to get through 2hrs in a classroom without going to the toilet.

@sharksarecool

To those who support all girls being allowed to leave lessons all the time because it's impossible to manage periods any other way: do you think some careers should be closed off to women gor rhis reason? Because I'm pretty sure jobs like surgeons or bus drivers won't be able ti facilitate sudden downing of tools or pulling over into a layby to accommodate menstrual cycles. And didn't women of the past have to fight for the right to do these jobs, against men who used our periods as one of the reasons why we couldn't do things? Are we really suggesting that women cannot be relied on to perform any role which requires us to be away from a toilet for longer than 50 minutes? Bloody hell, I hope this isn't what 5th wave feminism is going to look like!

My horrendous periods as a teenager were almost certainly linked to my subsequent diagnoses of PCOS and endometriosis. Perhaps if women’s reproductive health was taken more seriously better solutions would be available for young people. When I want to the GP (with my DM) about my periods the GP give the impression that they thought I was angling to go on the pill for other reasons. Heavy periods can be managed, endo can be treated but only if women are taken seriously. I have a very successful career in the City despite my dodgy periods.

@Scabz

But why hadn't she gone at break

Maybe she hadn't been heavily bleeding at break.

@lazylinguist

Oh yes, and as a perimenopausal woman with heavy periods and clotting, I still have to manage to get through 2hrs in a classroom without going to the toilet.

But you are an adult. This is a child we are talking about.

This happened my daughter only last week. Day 1 and 2 of her period and she has to change her tampon at least once an hour. She asked the teacher could she go to the bathroom and the teacher said " you only have 5 more mins left in clase please wait" as a result my daughter got blood all over the school chair and her uniform skirt. I asked was she embarrassed and she said " no but the teacher was"
I was going to call the school but just let it go but what sort of a person ( especially a woman) would not let a teenage girl use the bathroom. Absolutely disgraceful.

I am livid that there are people here suggesting that all experiences of menstruating/urinating/defecating are predictable or even controllable.

Not everyone's bodies works to a perfect schedule and kids shouldn't have to suffer pain or indignity by being denied toilet access. And no, I don't think they should be required to have a medical reason - even being caught short once unexpectedly is valid.

If kids are taking the piss or making it unsafe then the school needs to work something out and rethink the system because others shouldn't have to suffer due to their misdemeanours.

Toilet access is a basic human right.

This happened my daughter only last week. Day 1 and 2 of her period and she has to change her tampon at least once an hour. She asked the teacher could she go to the bathroom and the teacher said " you only have 5 more mins left in clase please wait" as a result my daughter got blood all over the school chair and her uniform skirt. I asked was she embarrassed and she said " no but the teacher was

If I’m honest I definitely would have told her to wait if she asked me to go to the toilet with 5 mins left. If she’d explained it was period related I would have let her go.

Sorry that happened to her, poor kid.

Oh and btw, my daughter is 17 so not really a little 14 or 15 year old giddy school girl going to the loo to make tik toks. She would never put her hand up t go to the loo as she would usually never draw attention to herslelf but she obviously really really needed to go and as a result there was blood all over the chair.
So for anyone saying there is a fine line between letting them go to the toilet or not. There is no fine line. It is a basic human right especially as a woman.

If kids are taking the piss or making it unsafe then the school needs to work something out and rethink the system because others shouldn't have to suffer due to their misdemeanours

Can you please write to your MP asking for more funds for schools. There really isn’t anyway to tackle this without more staff and we can’t afford more staff.

Toilet access is a basic human right

Then loads of employers are flouting this basic human right. Loads of staff can’t just pop to the toilet whenever they want.

To suggest (as at least one poster did) that teenagers wouldn't be pretending they needed the toilet in order to get out of a lesson unless there was a problem and they needed more support is laughably naïve and comes across as though you've never met a teenager.

I have worked in schools, yep. I know there are kids with very difficult behaviour and there can be lots of reasons for that. But when it was a pattern and the children were regularly playing up, the guidance teachers would then offer these children extra support - are the teachers who use this approach 'laughably naive'?

I mean, if a child wants to skip a class for twenty minutes and are just trying it on and it only happens once in a blue moon - does it really matter? If it's happening regularly I would suggest that yes, that may point to deeper issues. Either way, issuing a diktat about never going to the toilet is just not going to work, and/or is going to lead to girls being embarrassed and stressed out and potentially avoiding school altogether.

@Mumoblue

I’d be furious if that was my daughter.

This used to happen all the time at my school, too. I went to an all girls school and often saw girls get detention for going to the toilet. Some teachers seemed to almost enjoy telling girls that they “weren’t allowed” to go. It’s bloody ridiculous, and it shouldn’t still be happening.

Male or female teachers, out of interest?

@ArabellaScott

If this is such a tricky area it sounds like schools need to apply themselves to find a way to tackle it.

Girls can't be held from going to the toilet when they need to.

If a child/YP is so desperate to skive they will make up a story then it's not really toilets that's the issue, is it? Perhaps more support is needed.

We have one senior yea her on call every hour in our secondary school, but they have the job of pacing the school with their wallow talkie (waiting for calls to come through about problematic children) and walking the circuit of the site is about a mile.

State funded schools are on a skin thin budget as it is and we simply don't have the staff available to put more on on-call duty.

It's an impossibility to police, no matter how hard we try.

I mean, if a child wants to skip a class for twenty minutes and are just trying it on and it only happens once in a blue moon - does it really matter

Yes, it matters. Huge safeguarding issue of a kid is missing for 20 minutes.

Then loads of employers are flouting this basic human right. Loads of staff can’t just pop to the toilet whenever they want

Absolutely they are. I mean lorry drivers and pilots have to stop after a certain amount if time ajd rest.

Minimum wage shop workers akd nhs front line staff they frequently pull long arse shifts with no staff for cover and unable to leave the floor due to customers/patients etc

If everyone stuck to their contracted hours, contracted unpaid breaks and left at the end of their shift , the country would probably fall apart in a day.

Just because people do what they have to do to keep jobs they need to live and companies can't be arsed to pay for the staff needed , doesn't make it right. It's depressing our response is now just to shrug and say " well no one can just leave anyway "

@DdraigGoch

Weirdly, it was more female teachers than male. I think the female ones thought we were lying more, there were certain male teachers that would just go pale at the mere mention of a period and probably didn’t want to risk getting blood on their chairs.

@Scabz

But why hadn't she gone at break

This made me laugh so hard as I thought you were being sarcastic but now I'm worried you meant it.

Period don't work like clock work I've lost count of the number of times I had girls come to me during a lesson with that panicked look in their eye as their period had started suddenly and they were scared they were about to bleed through their uniform or had already done that.

Honestly, as a teen I could go at break then need to go again before lunch as that was more than a two hour gap and no amount of doubling up tampons and pads was going to help.

@Thisisus909

These kind of clearly unacceptable situations are entirely of the schools making by adopting totally draconian behaviour policies. I went to a school where you just told the teacher you were popping to the loo. It wasn’t set up as some big battle and so it didn’t become one. Same for uniform. The constant crushing of teens as human beings isn’t preparing for the world of work. I’d strongly advise my kids to leave any job where they were controlled in the ways they are at school. Absolutely appalling.

There speaketh the parent who's never worked in a school.

Urgh my periods were horrific before I had my baby. I mean I could use a super tampon and a night time towel and still need to change every 45 mins. This happened to me on several occasions. In the end I just stood up and shouted across the classroom at the (male) teacher and said 'I need to go to the toilet Mr because my tampon is leaking because my period is very heavy today. Would you like me to change it or bleed through my clothes and onto your chair' - I look back now and this is mortifying. I was just so dam pissed off with being treated like a thing and not an person. I'm actually glad I said it.

It's fucking 2021 we shouldn't have girls in this situation ffs.

Urgh my periods were horrific before I had my baby. I mean I could use a super tampon and a night time towel and still need to change every 45 mins

In that circumstance you / your parent would ask for a toilet pass.
I got one for my son (primary, he’s on laxatives). No doctors note was requested.

If a kid has a toilet pass they can go whenever they want. If they seem to be taking the piss with it (going every day of the month constantly for a period related issue) it might be reviewed.
Generally the kids with toilet passes use them sensibly.